Caught Staring to Etiquette for Opposite Sex Interactions

[qspeechc]

So I was studying in the library, and I noticed this very beautiful girl a few rows down, and I was kinda staring at her (... ok yes, I was staring), and then she looked up and caught me staring at her. I mean, it's only natural to stare at attractive people, isn't it? It's their fault their so good looking! Anyway, I blushed (I could feel the heat in my cheeks), looked away, and ducked my head under the little partitions between the desks. I ask you now: what is the correct response when caught staring at one of the opposite sex?
Also, do girls think it is flattering or disgusting when a guy stares at them?

 

[mgb_phys]

Cute response - smile, blush and look away
Cool response - smile, talk to her, get her phone number
Geek response - go over to her and say, wow cool mac book - what processor does it have? While totally ignoring her.

 

[waht]

Geek response - go over to her and say, wow cool mac book - what processor does it have? While totally ignoring her.

When you lock your eyes with her, she's probably just as nervous as you are, and will turn away first if you have balls to maintain eye contact. If you look away first, she will think that you don't. But don't worry, just walk around the campus and try to establish eye contact with different girls, until they look away. Then go on and find another. Do this for a week and you will master eye contact. Then next step is to approach, but that's different story.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Once, when I was in high school, the history teacher had me seated near the door and facing the rest of the class. I don't remember why, I don't remember if it was as a punishment, or because I had some special duty I was supposed to perform or what. While sitting there and listening to the lecture, somewhere between the French and Indian War and John Quincy Adams, my mind started to wander. My eyes went glassy and I just sat there vegetating. Then a girl screams out "He's looking up my dress." I come to my senses just in time to realize that my eyes were directed just as described and as if I had been staring. You better believe I looked away as quick as possible. I recently met the girl that I thought was the one at our 40th HS reunion and reminded her of the event, but either she was not the girl, or she had forgotten. So you still have hope. However, it was 40 years ago, so maybe not.

 

[DaveC426913]

Also, do girls think it is flattering or disgusting when a guy stares at them?

I am pretty sure it deonds on how good-looking the guy is.
If he's good-looking, she's flattered; if he's not she's creeped out. Which is kind of hypocritical.

 

[DaveC426913]

When you lock your eyes with her, she's probably just as nervous as you are, and will turn away first if you have balls to maintain eye contact. If you look away first, she will think that you don't. But don't worry, just walk around the campus and try to establish eye contact with different girls, until they look away. Then go on and find another. Do this for a week and you will master eye contact. Then next step is to approach, but that's different story.

To what end?

The way you describe it, he's going to go around trying to cow everyone on campus with dominance contests - like you'd do to establish power in a prison cell.

 

[waht]

To what end?

The way you describe it, he's going to go around trying to cow everyone on campus with dominance contests - like you'd do to establish power in a prison cell.

There is some dominance involved, but women love confidence, if you hesitate then you have lost major points.

 

[qspeechc]

I don't think I want to walk around campus locking eyes with every other female and be like :!). Sounds kinda creepy to me, like DaveC426913 describes it. Next time I'll just pretend like I was actually concentrating on something very close to her, but not her.

 

[DaveC426913]

Next time I'll just pretend like I was actually concentrating on something very close to her, but not her.

Yeah, that'll work. You're the first guy she's seen do that.


What do you want to come of this?

Do you want to be able to stare at a attractive woman while having no intention of making good on it? Then you're doing fine.

But if you have any intention of ever dating an attractive woman, then waht does have a point. Women like confidence. Women like men who have the cahones to hold a gaze, smile and then approach them. To a woman, that's waht* separates the boys from the men.

Ladies? Jump in and correct if I'm wrong.

*see waht I did there?

 

[WhoWee]

So I was studying in the library, and I noticed this very beautiful girl a few rows down, and I was kinda staring at her (... ok yes, I was staring), and then she looked up and caught me staring at her. I mean, it's only natural to stare at attractive people, isn't it? It's their fault their so good looking! Anyway, I blushed (I could feel the heat in my cheeks), looked away, and ducked my head under the little partitions between the desks. I ask you now: what is the correct response when caught staring at one of the opposite sex?
Also, do girls think it is flattering or disgusting when a guy stares at them?

What was her response? Did she smile or frown? Did she look back again?

Once "caught" evaluate her response for signs of what to do next.

 

[Huckleberry]

I don't think I want to walk around campus locking eyes with every other female and be like :!). Sounds kinda creepy to me, like DaveC426913 describes it. Next time I'll just pretend like I was actually concentrating on something very close to her, but not her.

No, that's more creepy and doesn't fool anyone. Next time just ask her if she wants to have a cup of coffee. She might say yes. If she says no then what have you lost? You've got everything to gain and nothing to lose.

 

[leroyjenkens]

I hate it when I'm looking around the room and NOT looking at a specific girl, but just as my vision crosses her, while looking around the room at various things, she looks at me. Before I can do anything, I'm already past her on my vision mission across the room. Now I'm thinking she saw me staring at her and look away when she looked at me. Now I look like a creepy guy staring at people trying not to get caught staring.

Is there anything you can really do after getting caught staring? It seems like no matter what you do, you look creepy for staring and any attempt to undo that just exacerbates it.
If you're right next to her, I can see talking to her when you get caught. But if you're across the room, how can you make that journey all the way over to her? Seriously, getting caught staring, then getting up and walking over to the person seems like the worst thing you can do. She'll probably look apprehensive and clutch her purse as she witnesses this strange stalker confront her.
Or maybe I'm just overthinking it.

 

[tchitt]

So I was studying in the library, and I noticed this very beautiful girl a few rows down, and I was kinda staring at her (... ok yes, I was staring), and then she looked up and caught me staring at her. I mean, it's only natural to stare at attractive people, isn't it? It's their fault their so good looking! Anyway, I blushed (I could feel the heat in my cheeks), looked away, and ducked my head under the little partitions between the desks. I ask you now: what is the correct response when caught staring at one of the opposite sex?
Also, do girls think it is flattering or disgusting when a guy stares at them?

You actually felt your face heat up? And what do you mean "ducked your head" under the partitions between the desks? Are you saying you turned red with embarrassment and obviously hid from her by moving to where she couldn't possibly make eye contact?

I actually spend time attempting to make eye contact with girls throughout my day (Usually as I pass them while walking... sometimes from across the room in the most aloof way possible.) just to see how they react... some of them will notice, and look away quickly. Some will send out an "I'm way too good for you" signal. Others will smile and some will just eyebang the crap outta me. You just have to read them and respond accordingly. As others said, confidence is important. Don't get all over excited and stick your head in the sand immediately.

As for your second question... most girls will find it flattering, I'd imagine, based on what I've been told. Everyone likes to notice someone noticing them. There are snobs out there... but who gives a damn what they think?

Edit: Leeeroy Jeeeennkiinsssss: You are overthinking it.

 

[Stratosphere]

Usually When I notice a girl staring at me, I glance at them for a half a second with no eye locking. I don't really care that girls stare at me, I get it quit a bit so maybe I'm just use to it but it never seemed creepy to me, it's human nature. I have been caught staring before but I will usually eye lock with them if I like them, they usually don't seem to find it creepy.

 

[waht]

*see waht I did there?

Arocdnicg to rsceearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

 

[hypatia]

How about just acknowledging the stare with a slight nod of the head, and then go back to what you were doing.

 

[negitron]

Arocdnicg to rsceearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Debunked hoax.

 

[waht]

Debunked hoax.

omg , the singularity is about to collapse, I've been harboring a user name based on a lie.

 

[Sorry!]

Man just smile at her and if she smiles back but you don't want to continue things then look away... if she gives u the uhhh ur a creeper look then leave the entire area...

if you want more to come out of it get your *** up and walk on over there. just talk casually to her, what's the worst that can happen?

 

[qspeechc]

Let me clarify one thing: I'm not trying to be cute or anything when I blush. I can't control it when I blush, it just happens! And am I the only person on this forum who's ever blushed? I know when I'm blushing because the blood rushes to my face and it heats up.

I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively). I don't stare at girls on purpose to make them feel awkward, it just happens, I want to know how I can minimise the damage and walk away knowing she isn't going to get her boyfriend to beat me up in a dark alley.

You actually felt your face heat up? And what do you mean "ducked your head" under the partitions between the desks? Are you saying you turned red with embarrassment and obviously hid from her by moving to where she couldn't possibly make eye contact?

Yes.

How about just acknowledging the stare with a slight nod of the head, and then go back to what you were doing.

This could be reeeeeeeally creepy depending on your expression when you do this. You might think you're smiling sweetly but actually your sneering or Jupiter only knows what.

if you want more to come out of it get your *** up and walk on over there. just talk casually to her, what's the worst that can happen?

Um, colossal embarassment when she tells you what she really thinks of you?

 

[leroyjenkens]

Let me clarify one thing: I'm not trying to be cute or anything when I blush. I can't control it when I blush, it just happens! And am I the only person on this forum who's ever blushed? I know when I'm blushing because the blood rushes to my face and it heats up.

Yeah that happens to me when I'm kinda embarrassed. I get that warm feeling and just hope that it's not visible.

I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively). I don't stare at girls on purpose to make them feel awkward, it just happens, I want to know how I can minimise the damage and walk away knowing she isn't going to get her boyfriend to beat me up in a dark alley.

Try only staring at the pretty girls up close. I can see that as an extricable situation where you just smile and say something non-creepy when she notice's you staring. But I don't know a man in the world who can get you out of the long distance stare while saving face. Maybe Will Smith from the movie Hitch, but that's about it. That was a chick flick, but I have to admit that dude was smooth.

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

I can tell you are young, I used to be the same way. Then life happens and you realize how short it is and that opportunities are limited. Just go for it. Talk to her. You focus on the negative too much. Yeah it will be awkward if she doesn't like you, but what if she does? That feeling will be amazing!

 

[DaveC426913]

I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively).

They know you know this. Which is why a guy who is confident enough to risk getting shot down is very attractive to them.

Yes. 9 out of 10 girls will say no. But the 10th one might not.

By the way, saying no is something to take personally, a girl who let's a complete stranger approach her is also taking a gigantic risk - and I'm not just talking about her ego. They just can't afford to. The upshot is that those other 9 girls might like you just fine under any other more favourable circumstances. Think about that.

 

[BobG]

There's a technique to checking out the women. It might be a slightly different situation than getting caught in the library, but the overall strategy is the same. The man's gaze should always be moving towards the woman's eyes, even if it sometimes takes a little longer to get there than planned.

In other words, when checking out a woman, you start from the feet, moving your gaze upwards towards the eyes, being sure not to move your shoulders or head. Once your eyes have met, you can smile, start talking, what have you.

If you get caught staring at a woman in the library, the same tactic should be used to recover. You continue moving your eyes towards the woman's eyes, then maintain contact while smiling or starting a conversation, etc. (You're caught, so what in the world do you have to gain by pretending you weren't staring.)

The key difference between the flattery of being noticed and being creeped out is where the eyes end up. The guys that move their gaze from the eyes to the body are pretty much dissing the girl as a person, but, hey, they'd accept a night in the sack if forced. It's insulting and creepy. Ending the encounter with eye contact, and even some conversation or a smile, ends the encounter with interest in the girl herself; not just her body.

 

[Moonbear]

How about just acknowledging the stare with a slight nod of the head, and then go back to what you were doing.

That's what I was thinking. A nod, a smile, or a little wave, something to let her know you WERE staring and are glad you finally caught her attention. If you immediately look away, she won't know if you were really interested or it was just chance you both looked up at the same time.

 

[BobG]

I have no intention of talking to or asking out any attractive girls. I know I'll just get shot down as soon as I leave my seat (figuratively).

They know you know this. Which is why a guy who is confident enough to risk getting shot down is very attractive to them.

Yes. 9 out of 10 girls will say no. But the 10th one might not.

By the way, saying no is something to take personally, a girl who let's a complete stranger approach her is also taking a gigantic risk - and I'm not just talking about her ego. They just can't afford to. The upshot is that those other 9 girls might like you just fine under any other more favourable circumstances. Think about that.

Actually, it has little to do with being attractive and a lot to do with the gigantic risk Dave was talking about. Although an attractive girl might shoot you down a lot quicker than a homely girl, since the attractive girl has to sort her way through a lot more debris.

Humans aren't that different in their mating habits than some other mammals. The male has to reveal things about himself and his personality, while it's definitely in the female's best interest to hold back physically until she's sure she's accepting a winner. That holding back tends to carry over to what she reveals about herself. She might reveal a lot of trivial things, but the guy gets to reveal the serious stuff before the female rewards him by letting him know her true self.

This sets up some drastically different responses to being shot down. Guys get shot down by strangers all the time and it's not that hard to get used to. Girls get shot down fewer times than guys (since the guy usually has to make his move first), but girls only get shot down by guys they've already fallen for. That makes the pain a much fuller experience that even reinforces the idea that a woman shouldn't give up to much, either emotionally or physically, until she's sure (absolutely, positively sure, this time) she's picked a winner.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I don't stare at girls on purpose to make them feel awkward, it just happens, I want to know how I can minimise the damage and walk away knowing she isn't going to get her boyfriend to beat me up in a dark alley.

You're being paranoid.

That's what I was thinking. A nod, a smile, or a little wave, something to let her know you WERE staring and are glad you finally caught her attention. If you immediately look away, she won't know if you were really interested or it was just chance you both looked up at the same time.

And this ^

I usually don't get embarrassed when a woman sees me looking at her. For the most part I am not actually interested in talking to them so I likely just nod and smile and keep my eyes moving along to other things and people. I usually don't stare anyway. I maybe glance and keep my eyes moving.

I was once a bit flustered when I was at work a long time ago and a pretty lady came up to the counter. I thought she had really amazing lips and sort of forgot myself until she looked up at me. I blushed instantly and then even more so when I started to wonder if she maybe thought I had been staring at her breasts.

 

[Huckleberry]

I was on a lunch date with a woman I met on a dating site. I showed up 10 minutes late because I was trying to find a place to park. She didn't appear to mind. I was wearing my Ozzfest t-shirt. She didn't seem to mind that either. During the meal she caught me staring at her breasts. She smiled. I chuckled. After the meal she stood up and positioned herself so I couldn't stand up without being right on top of her feet and all up in her face. I looked up and and looked back down and didn't stand up. She said goodbye and walked away. I had probably been failing all along and that was the final test.

The truth is I wasn't interested in her. She was just nice to look at. She liked the attention. If I was interested in being physical with her I would have stood up against her and said something like "Oh, excuse me. I didn't see you there." That was more than I wanted to commit to at the moment and her test proved it.

It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. It is far more important what you think of yourself and of her. Those are the only things you have any control over. If you stare at women you find attractive and don't feel you're losing anything by not approaching then there no worries. If you can never approach women you are attracted to then you have a problem. One day there is going to be a woman that let's you know she likes you. If you are too afraid to do anything about it when you know you're pre-approved... it's just making life difficult for yourself.

I'm a bum and there are still women that, for some reason, think I'm all that. I was 28 years old going to school, living at my parents house with no job. There was one 19 year old girl who tried to impress me by ambushing me outside with a cigarette in her mouth. I told her I didn't know she smoked. She said "Yeah. I smoke." She lied. I left saying "See you in class." About 5 minutes into class she had to go to the bathroom. I knew then that she was a first time smoker. I laughed my *** off.

Another woman, at the end of the semester, told me that I should stop by the restaurant that she works at. I said that would be a long ride on my bike to get there. She caught me staring at her once too while she was stretching up to adjust the television and I was checking out her backside.

There was a married native american woman in my math class. (I was in love with her hair) When it came time to choose partners for a project I asked her. She said she was hoping I would ask her. Then she starts wearing her wedding ring to class. At the library she is telling me that she would cheat on her husband, but would never leave him. Yeah, I'll pass on that.

And to take the cake there was a girl in my creative writing class that, at the end of the semester, wrote a poem that she read in class. It was a poem that expressed how she felt about me. She was crying the whole time. It was very strange and made me uncomfortable. I talked to my professor at a bar later and he confirmed what I suspected. Poor girl.

These were all attractive young women. I've never considered myself much to look at. I'm not ambitious and goal-oriented. I don't dress to impress. I'm not all that intelligent. I aint got no money. If I have any confidence it is of the ambivalent variety. It just happens. There are going to be women who are attracted to you. The only thing stopping you from doing anything about it is your impression of yourself.

 

[turbo]

To the OP: Man up! Acknowledge your embarrassment and apologize. Get up and walk to the young lady (don't embarrass her further by making it really public) and say "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was staring. That was rude, and I apologize." If she tries to comfort you or down-play the incident, thank her. Next time you see her, smile and acknowledge her and let it all go. Eventually, this may be something for you both to laugh about - at least you won't get filed away under the "creepy guys". She might think you are a pretty honest person, and one who is willing to own up to mistakes. (These are NOT bad things, especially to young women who are living away from their families and would like some trustworthy friends.)

 

[Evo]

Cyrus!

 

[Proton Soup]

lol, somebody's going to the woodshed

 

[Office_Shredder]

It's like a spider, or a wasp really. She's more embarrassed than you are.

 

[tchitt]

Dude, you can't be so afraid of rejection. I suggest you get used to it, in fact. Noone is going to beat you up in a dark alley, either. You analyze everything far too much, in my opinion. You can't sit there thinking you know how a person is going to react to your every move. To be honest if she's going to find anything creepy or weird it's going to be physically hiding from her when she notices you noticing her.

If you really plan to never approach a female you find attractive then I suggest you stop looking all together and take up a life of celibacy as a Tibetan monk or something. I don't mean to be sarcastic but really. It sounds like you've got a serious case of Social Anxiety Disorder or something (based on the hiding part)... I'm not trying to give you a complex or anything but I think you'll be missing out on a lot that life has to offer if you don't get over the embarrassment thing.

I don't really like people telling me how to act or run my life... and this post might just completely offend you but ehh. Just something to keep in mind, if you want.

 

[Moonbear]

Most of the time, when two people's eyes lock, they do look away fairly quickly. If there's attraction, it lingers just a little longer than if it were accidental. There's no reason to be embarrassed over something like that, and really no reason to apologize for being caught staring. It's just a normal part of human interaction or reaction. Now, if you were staring at someone because they had some weird growth on their face, or something like that, then you should be embarrassed for staring, and perhaps apologize if caught. In that case, it's rude.

That you got a case of shyness and looked away isn't really great cause for concern. The concern is the over-reaction to getting caught, to actually duck and hide behind a partition. At best, it comes across as EXTREME immaturity, like a 4-year old running to hide behind mom's skirts when a stranger smiles at him, and at worst, as has been suggested, some sort of social disorder. And, that it had such an impact on you that you've posted it here, asking about it, rather than brushing it off as a temporary lapse in judgement when you were caught off guard, just reinforces that this problem is more than just getting caught staring, and you are aware that your reaction was not typical.

 

[DaveC426913]

It sounds like you've got a serious case of Social Anxiety Disorder or something (based on the hiding part)...

No, it sounds like he is a completely normal young man.

 

[qspeechc]

Ok, maybe "ducked my head under the little partitions between the desks" was not the greatest explanation for what happened. After blushing, I looked down at my desk and then leaned forward like I was concentrating. I didn't duck like I was dodging a bullet all fast and what not, it was rather slow actually, well slower than dodging a bullet. The reason I ducked was, well it was mostly reactive, but because I thought she would be glaring at me. I wasn't staring at her intentionally either; I looked up from my work to think, and my thoughts were elsewhere, I just happened to be staring at her, at the bac of my mind thinking how attractive she is. And I'm not a child, I'm 20. Me saying that does make me seem very childish and immature though, but that's just the way I am and I won't apologise for it.
I doubt this explanation will satisfy some people though, lol.

 

[Huckleberry]

What's wrong with her glaring at you? Do you presume her reaction will be negative before you observe it, or are you worried what to do if her reaction is positive? If she is glaring at you then she is thinking about you. Once you make eye contact try smiling and see if she does the same thing. It's that simple.

Some women think shy guys are hot. Shy and defensive just comes off like you're hiding something, hence the creep factor.

 

[tchitt]

Ok, maybe "ducked my head under the little partitions between the desks" was not the greatest explanation for what happened. After blushing, I looked down at my desk and then leaned forward like I was concentrating. I didn't duck like I was dodging a bullet all fast and what not, it was rather slow actually, well slower than dodging a bullet. The reason I ducked was, well it was mostly reactive, but because I thought she would be glaring at me. I wasn't staring at her intentionally either; I looked up from my work to think, and my thoughts were elsewhere, I just happened to be staring at her, at the bac of my mind thinking how attractive she is. And I'm not a child, I'm 20. Me saying that does make me seem very childish and immature though, but that's just the way I am and I won't apologise for it.
I doubt this explanation will satisfy some people though, lol.

Well, maybe (and by maybe, I of course mean obviously) I was assuming the worst. I had envisioned you immediately putting your head down on your desk like you were completely mortified or something.

Either way, I don't think this is something that you need to worry about. All guys occasionally catch themselves looking at girls, even staring. It's just natural because, well, they look awesome. I still don't think you should jump to the conclusion that any attractive female will react negatively to attention of this sort because it happens every day and even the cutest girls have their moments of self-consciousness.

I suppose I've gone through the same thing... at some point I just learned how to feign confidence. It's really amazing how far something like that can take you and eventually you'll realize that your fears are a little silly and unfounded. At some point in life, I believe, most everyone ends up "getting the girl" they thought they never could in one way or another and the truth is there's not much that feels better than that.

I ask you now: what is the correct response when caught staring at one of the opposite sex?

The point is... the correct response is to not worry so much about what said member of the opposite sex is thinking and just know that whatever it is it shouldn't really matter to you anyway.

Also, do girls think it is flattering or disgusting when a guy stares at them?

Again, I think most girls find it flattering. I've got plenty of attractive female friends who've told me that it feels good to be noticed and that it doesn't really matter who it is. Yes, some people just think that they're a gift unto this Earth and act accordingly... but you can't let people like this affect you because they're plain wrong. They're not the majority they just send stronger signals with their negativity.

Edit: I also disagree with Dave's assumption that 9 out of 10 girls will say no. It's this type of thinking that's causing the problem in the first place.

 

[DaveC426913]

I wasn't staring at her intentionally either; I looked up from my work to think, and my thoughts were elsewhere, I just happened to be staring at her, at the bac of my mind thinking how attractive she is.

"My gaze is drawn to you like a bee to a flower."

 

[waht]

I went to get a haircut once, when I was about 18. A super hot, close to middle age lady (probably married) gave me a hair cut. We had a nice conversation, but in the end when I went to pay, I stared at her breasts for a few seconds, before I realized she was looking at me gauging my reaction. She smiled back at me so sweetly, and so cordially that I was like "whooaah." I tipped her of course, and then she pulled out her business card, and went over with me when her days are available, if I wanted to come back to get another hair cut.

That was probably freaky, but what else can you do if you a teenager with screwed up hormone levels.

 

[Proton Soup]

enjoy your hormones while you've still got them. or one day your stares will only be followed by regret.

 

[DaveC426913]

I went to get a haircut once, when I was about 18. A super hot, close to middle age lady (probably married) gave me a hair cut. We had a nice conversation, but in the end when I went to pay, I stared at her breasts for a few seconds, before I realized she was looking at me gauging my reaction. She smiled back at me so sweetly, and so cordially that I was like "whooaah." I tipped her of course, and then she pulled out her business card, and went over with me when her days are available, if I wanted to come back to get another hair cut.

That was probably freaky, but what else can you do if you a teenager with screwed up hormone levels.

Well, for starters you can go back the next day and see about that other "hair cut".

 

[Moonbear]

Ok, maybe "ducked my head under the little partitions between the desks" was not the greatest explanation for what happened. After blushing, I looked down at my desk and then leaned forward like I was concentrating. I didn't duck like I was dodging a bullet all fast and what not, it was rather slow actually, well slower than dodging a bullet. The reason I ducked was, well it was mostly reactive, but because I thought she would be glaring at me. I wasn't staring at her intentionally either; I looked up from my work to think, and my thoughts were elsewhere, I just happened to be staring at her, at the bac of my mind thinking how attractive she is. And I'm not a child, I'm 20. Me saying that does make me seem very childish and immature though, but that's just the way I am and I won't apologise for it.
I doubt this explanation will satisfy some people though, lol.

Actually, this explanation does help. It does sound like a much more normal reaction. I had an entirely different impression of what you meant by ducking under the partitions...I really was thinking you literally crouched down to hide.

You didn't really "duck" you just looked down and away. That's not bad...even normal, especially if you were staring without realizing you were staring and then suddenly became aware of your actions. Blushing, well, that's okay too. Blushing is actually a sign of interest. Why do you think women wear blush on their cheeks? It's because red cheeks signal attraction. There's no point worrying about blushing, since you have absolutely no control over that, and most would even think it was cute.

I think most of us thinking something was wrong were simply misunderstanding your description of your reaction, and thinking it was much more dramatic and exaggerated than it really was.

 

[Moonbear]

Edit: I also disagree with Dave's assumption that 9 out of 10 girls will say no. It's this type of thinking that's causing the problem in the first place.

I agree with your disagreement. I always think it's pretty startling when I hear some very attractive actress on a talk show telling the host that she actually really doesn't date, guys don't ask her out. While you think the "hot" girls/women would have their pick of men who are all falling all over them, it seems most guys defeat themselves by assuming as Dave did that they are too popular or pretty to be interested in them, so nobody asks them out.

 

[Office_Shredder]

I've realized it's a game theory thing. We call the two players M and F. M loses if F realizes M is playing the game. F of course is always playing the game, but becomes righteously indignant when forced to play with a second player.

The objective of M is to spend as much time looking at F as possible. The objective of F is to spend as little time looking to see if M is looking at F while still catching M if M is looking. We call a strategy of M "better" if it allows more time on average over the course of a minute spent looking at F without increasing the chances that F catches M (assuming we know the strategy of F).

If we symmetrize the game by giving scores:
M's score is the total time spent looking without getting caught/total time spent looking
F's score is the total time F catches M looking/total time spent on the lookout

We can discuss the possibility of a Nash equilibrium. Of course one does not exist, since F would always change her strategy to be 'look at M while M is looking at me' and M would always change his strategy to be 'look at F while F is not on the lookout'

Unfortunately this scoring model does not take into consideration that F scores the same if she spends the whole time on the lookout while M does not look as if she had spent no time on the lookout. So we modify the scoring to be

M's score = % of time spent looking that F is not on the lookout
F's score = % of time spent on the lookout that M is looking during - M's score

Now the scoring is less symmetric but more in lines with the true motives of each player.

 

[DaveC426913]

I agree with your disagreement. I always think it's pretty startling when I hear some very attractive actress on a talk show telling the host that she actually really doesn't date, guys don't ask her out. While you think the "hot" girls/women would have their pick of men who are all falling all over them, it seems most guys defeat themselves by assuming as Dave did that they are too popular or pretty to be interested in them, so nobody asks them out.

I did not say any of that.

I agree completely that many very attractive women do not get asked out for this very reason.

Which is why I said 9 out of 10. I'll bet that, if you did ask 10 women, you would get rejected 9 times.

 

[Moonbear]

Which is why I said 9 out of 10. I'll bet that, if you did ask 10 women, you would get rejected 9 times.

Okay, sure, because once you've asked out the first one and she's agreed to a date, the other 9 are going to realize you're just a player if you ask them out when they know you've already been dating #1. Actually, if I asked out 10 women, I'd probably get rejected 10 times, unless I stumbled upon a lesbian in the bunch by accident.

 

[DaveC426913]

Okay, sure, because once you've asked out the first one and she's agreed to a date, the other 9 are going to realize you're just a player if you ask them out when they know you've already been dating #1.

If he asks them all in the same bar, then yes. And then he deserves what he gets.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I agree with your disagreement. I always think it's pretty startling when I hear some very attractive actress on a talk show telling the host that she actually really doesn't date, guys don't ask her out. While you think the "hot" girls/women would have their pick of men who are all falling all over them, it seems most guys defeat themselves by assuming as Dave did that they are too popular or pretty to be interested in them, so nobody asks them out.

Crap. The number of attractive women I have been friends with that have no clue when a guy is hitting on them is absolutely astounding. I was out at a bar with one one night and she had at least two different guys that I saw clamoring for her attention and she later complained to me that none of the cute guys in the bar were interested in her.

And then there are the women who have really high standards and do not count it if a guy below those standards tries hitting on them or asking them out. And the women who play coy and pretend to not be interested. ect ect

I do not trust any half way attractive woman who tells me that she can't get a date. Its crap.

 

[Huckleberry]

Crap. The number of attractive women I have been friends with that have no clue when a guy is hitting on them is absolutely astounding. I was out at a bar with one one night and she had at least two different guys that I saw clamoring for her attention and she later complained to me that none of the cute guys in the bar were interested in her.

And then there are the women who have really high standards and do not count it if a guy below those standards tries hitting on them or asking them out. And the women who play coy and pretend to not be interested. ect ect

I do not trust any half way attractive woman who tells me that she can't get a date. Its crap.

How many times has this happened to you? Just hanging out with a woman raises the interest of other women. I'd be surprised if none were trying to find out if you were available.

There's been a few times I was hanging out with a woman and didn't really think anything of it and then I find out that she's been considering it a date the entire time. That's always a bit embarrassing. Are you sure the woman you're hanging out with isn't interested in you? Maybe she wants your attention and is turning down these guys because she is with you.