Does the Man Always Have to Pay for the First Date?

[wasteofo2]

So how did the date go? Did you pay?

In general, the rule with money and romance is to never try to buy someone's affection.

If you want to pay for someone because you've invited them out and see them as your guest, that's fine. But don't try to pay for something in hopes it will make someone like you, it won't, and you're wasting your money and her time.

That being said, a guy who has a lot of money and invites a girl to do something that might be expensive certainly has an advantage. Taking her out to a beautiful place with a view vs. a rundown one doesn't hurt, but if she doesn't like you already it won't make her like you, it'll just make her view you as a wallet she might put up with.

Nice trick to avoid spending money, take girls to beautiful natural places. Take a girl to a mountain top overlooking the vastness of nature. How can she not kiss you?

 

[widereader]

I am a traditional kind of person. Although some women pay the first date, it would be a better decision that the guy does it since men usually do the pursuing.

 

[netgypsy]

I had another ex who said that was just ridiculous and she would not expect such a thing from me, then she brought a friend with us on a date and was annoyed when I took issue with having to pay for her friend.

Read WARNING SIGNS that this person ISN'T THE ONE. (You invite her out to a nice restaurant and she brings a friend. DING DING DING)

Regarding who pays, at 18 a lot depends on how well you know the girl, how expensive her tastes are, how well off you are financially and just your "gut feeling" about whether she's the type who likes a guy to "spoil her" or who wants to get to know you better first.

A family member who has been very happily married forever said her spouse forgot his money on the third date and she had to pay their way in. The first date was a party, so no expense, the second date, he paid their way in because it was a movie but he also spilled a very large ice filled soda in his lap. So sometimes mishaps and things that aren't clear in a relationship tell you a lot about the person.

So you offer to pay or you just automatically pay if a check is brought or if it's a show or something but if she insists in a nice way, you agree. If she gets nasty, first date is last date no matter how much of a babe she is. It's easy to improve your appearance but character and brains are forever.

 

[jduster]

I'm very inexperienced with dating. I'm going out tomorrow with a girl I met recently. I plan on paying for everything, but if she offers to pay, should I disagree with her and say that I will pay it? Or should I let her pay for it if she offers?

I don't think it matters that much, but I want to avoid giving off the wrong signs (whatever they may be).

Not all women feel the same way about this, but I would imagine a meaningful percentage of them expect the man to pay first. The first date does not need to be, and should not be expensive. During the first date, it is a small price to pay considering the possible alternative.

I think during the first date, the man should definitely pay first if he invited her out. He should offer, and if she offers, ask "are you sure", and if she says "yes", let her pay for her part.

 

[Snicker]

If she can't take care of herself, you probably would be better off without her.

 

[turbo]

I ended up living with a young woman (older-than-me college student who was a lifeguard with a baby-face) because on our first "date" she introduced herself at a bar under a motel on a very snowy night, and asked "If I buy you a drink, can I sit with you?" What a pick-up line! I had waded up there for a beer or two, just to get out of the house, and when she came in, I couldn't stop looking at her. I'm glad she broke the ice. I was not in a good place emotionally at the time.

 

[Antiphon]

Ignore most of this thread. Here are the bare facts.

Pay if you want to ever date her again.

If she insists on paying it means she doesn't care to see you again.

 

[DaveC426913]

facts.

You are such a joker.

 

[Drakkith]

Ignore most of this thread. Here are the bare facts.

Pay if you want to ever date her again.

If she insists on paying it means she doesn't care to see you again.

Damn, looks like I'll be single forever...

 

[QuarkCharmer]

Just get the check when she uses the restroom or something. That saves that whole awkward "Oh no, please allow me, oh no I insist" moment. If the date goes sour, you might give her the opportunity to pay if she wants, but never ask regardless of how it turns out. Realistically, just plan on paying for dinner whenever you go on a date. When you're comfortable enough with someone and it becomes a mutually exclusive thing, then I would expect her to at least offer occasionally.

 

[nucleargirl]

Its cute when the guy pays like on a first date when you don't know each other very well - its all chivalrous and shows the guy wants to be nice! Makes girls feel special. But it depends how you do it - if I get the feeling that this guy ALWAYS wants to pay, then I might start thinking he has some control issues...

 

[Drakkith]

Its cute when the guy pays like on a first date when you don't know each other very well - its all chivalrous and shows the guy wants to be nice! Makes girls feel special.

When's it my turn to feel special?

 

[DaveC426913]

When's it my turn to feel special?

Oh, you'll get your turn.

That's why you insist on paying for dinner.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I'm kind of rusty on this so I asked my wife. The first thing she wants to know is who is this dame I'm going out on a first date with. No, no say I. With you, a date with you. She released me and said it depends on whether I want steak or hamburger.

 

[phoenix:\\]

You ask, you pay. Most of the time I'll pay even if I didn't ask for the date though, that is, if it was a good date. If not, I am only paying my fair share (considering I didn't ask).

 

[Moonbear]

I'm kind of rusty on this so I asked my wife. The first thing she wants to know is who is this dame I'm going out on a first date with. No, no say I. With you, a date with you. She released me and said it depends on whether I want steak or hamburger.

That's pretty much how it worked when I first started dating my boyfriend. Then again, on our first date, we kept it simple by letting the bride and groom pay (we met at a wedding). By the time we went out just the two of us, I think we were on a third or fourth date. But back then, I was a starving grad student and he had a paying job, so if we went out for pizza or sandwiches, I'd pay, but if he wanted a bigger meal, he had to pay. I never asked to go out for fancy meals, and was happy to cook at home with him, so those fancy meals were his choice.

 

[nucleargirl]

When's it my turn to feel special?

:) you feel special when you go to pick her up and she's all dressed up and happy to see you!

 

[feathermoon]

I'm very inexperienced with dating. I'm going out tomorrow with a girl I met recently. I plan on paying for everything, but if she offers to pay, should I disagree with her and say that I will pay it? Or should I let her pay for it if she offers?

I don't think it matters that much, but I want to avoid giving off the wrong signs (whatever they may be).

You could offer to pay within sensible limits if its a date. What is sensible is up to you. If she offers, then let her. Just don't have any expectations because you paid. Its sometimes the cost of a chance.

Paying for her friend as someone mentioned? No. This type of expectation will only come to frustrate you, and sour any potential relationship that could form. Trust me.

 

[Deveno]

my advice is, if she offers to pay: say "how about i get this one, and you get the next one?" two dates are better than one.

 

[Moonbear]

my advice is, if she offers to pay: say "how about i get this one, and you get the next one?" two dates are better than one.

Only do that if the date goes well. Hey! Wait a minute! I think that's how my boyfriend phrased it. Well, considering our first date was about 16 years ago and we're still madly in love (I'm still an advocate of not letting marriage ruin a perfectly good relationship), that seems like sound advice to me.

 

[DaveC426913]

my advice is, if she offers to pay: say "how about i get this one, and you get the next one?" two dates are better than one.

That's actually very clever. Turns an awkward moment about paying into an opportunity for a next date.