Your Ideal Partner
Let's completely wring the neck of an illusion that poisons
your existence, that of the ideal partner.
The word ideal contains the word idea , that is to say the
idea you have of the partner in question. If it is an idea, it is
not absolute truth.
Where does this idea come from? If you look carefully, you
will find a long trail leading right to your childhood. As a
child, the concept of the ideal partner might have come from
your mother or father. Some little girls dream that the man
for them will look like their father whom they admire; some
little boys dream that they will defend their mothers for as
long as they live. Then you grew up, and started reading.
Remember Prince Charming with his bravery, fearing
nothing and without blemish, or the princess with long hair,
whose long eyelashes shaded her huge eyes? Gradually you
might have started dreaming that you were these heroes of
your childhood and you would give the kiss that would wake
up the princess, and she would fall in your arms, reassured
and grateful, and you would whisk her away on your steed, as
a knight in shining armour.
Such images, or ones like it would have been imprinted in
you. Then with time, other heroes, other models would fol-
low, models you admired, a singer, a tennis player, a dancer,
or an actor.
Then you continued to modify that for one reason or ano-
ther, perhaps as a reaction to something, and gradually you
built up an ideal model in your head.
Then the time for the real thing came along, and it was no
longer in front of photos! It was a real life adventure. Perhaps
you were a bit shy the first time. That is the case for most ado-
lescents, especially boys. 95% of people are very shy. Some are
even more timid than that and say, Tomorrow I will
approach her, for sure, I will dare . And then when they are
in front of her, or him, they blush all over and give up
without having dared to say anything. I can't believe it, how
come I wasn't able to? This goes on for months, even years
for some people. They get spots and think that is the reason
why they can't succeed. So they plaster them with cream. We
all went through that!
As we get older, we no longer need cream because we have
a beard to hide them instead, but we boys often remain shy!
And one day, you meet your ideal partner, just the type that
you have in mind. All you can think about is them, but they
reject you. What a humiliation. So you decide this can't be
your ideal type any more and you change your criteria again.
So with each successive dream, success or failure, you cor-
rected and tweaked your internal model. And gradually with
time, you construct an ideal type in your memory, which as
you now understand, is an accumulation of everyone you
knew and all your hopes, and generally it ends up correspon-
ding to the first partner with whom you had a successful
sexual relationship. For the rest of our lives we end up chasing
that same type of man or woman.
You can see for yourself by going over your sexual career, if
I can call it that, and you'll find that all your partners follow
approximately the same pattern, with a few exceptions that
are often a reaction to a disappointment. Both woman and
man alike, we were so imprinted by our first experience with
our first love, that we chase after that same type all our lives.
In fact, nothing can be more stupid! We shall demonstrate
this with a fun calculation.
There are four and a half billion humans on Earth this
number will have surely changed in the few moments since I
just said it since there are over three births per second. Let us
remove half, which leaves about two billion and a half remai-
ning of your complementary sex. I don't say opposite sex,
because man and woman are not opposite, they are comple-
mentary!
So that leaves us two and a half billion people of the com-
plementary sex to you in the world today. If we subtract the
very young and very old, that leaves one and a half billion
people available for a loving relationship.
Lets remain in the French speaking part of the planet, let's
say seventy million. Next we remove all those in a different
social category from you, whom you will probably never have
the opportunity of meeting. Thinking big, this leaves about
ten million complementary people.
Lets keep on narrowing it down by dividing that into
regions. That gives one million potential partners in your
region. Take away those with different tastes from you and
who don't fit exactly with your type, we divide by ten. That
leaves one hundred thousand possible partners.
Lets narrow it down even more. Why? Because they have
their own ideals, and because of their racism, religious fanati-
cism or hate of sects, they will reject you. So let's divide by ten
again, which gives ten thousand possible partners!
So in your region, there are ten thousand possible partners
who potentially correspond to your tastes and to the ideal
that you have built up. And still you feel sorry for yourselves
because you think there is only one ideal partner for you?
Of course this is just an arbitrary calculation, but can show
you what possibilities are within your reach. If you wanted to
be even more selective, we could say that there are at least 500
ideal partners for you. That means 500 ideal partners who
correspond to exactly what you are hoping for.
Isn't it wonderful to think of this number when you feel a
bit alone? That means there are presently 500 people who are
dying to know you. So go for it, if your dream is to have a
loving relationship or to form a couple.
It goes without saying you will need to make an effort,
because if you stay at home thinking I will never succeed, I
am too shy and inhibited, then nothing will happen, that's
for sure!
The more you meet others and communicate, the more you
will become enriched and the more chances you will have of
meeting your ideal partner. You have to dare to smile, to dare
look at the person you are meeting.
Everyone has had the experience of suddenly feeling as if
something special happened upon meeting someone. Some
call this love at first sight. Suddenly, just from a look, or tou-
ching hands, something unexplainable happens, something
fantastic. And then we are hooked! We are in love just from
passing someone in the street. Sometimes we don't even dare
to speak to them for fear of ruining it. Rather than risking it,
we prefer to keep on dreaming.
But dare, dare to go further. What's the worst that can hap-
pen? That you might realize that the other person is the ideal
partner for you? No problem, there are still 499 remaining.
So each time you meet someone, dare to look at him or her,
whoever they are. Look at them as if they were the most
important person in your whole life.
The same applies to your professional life. Tell yourself:
This might be the person with whom I might make a
million .
And each time you meet someone you like, imagine they
might be the ideal partner you have been waiting for. This
will produce an intensity in your relationships that will make
it wonderful, whether it leads to something or not. It would
be so terrible to think that this could have been the one, but
it didn't happen because you didn't give the best of yourself.
Make sure all your assets are working for you right from the
start. Don't be afraid to approach people; be enterprising, be
aggressive. The meaning of aggressive was originally to go
towards others. We can go towards people negatively, that is
to say violently, or towards them positively, that is to say to
approach them. So dare!
And from now on, each time you meet someone, be aware
how they are a universe just like you. Go towards him, and
think how it is the most beautiful moment of your life,
because the most beautiful moment is always the one we are
just initiating, which will prepare the one that follows.
which means he's bigger and better than me...ter-censored-rific.
no, emoticon, to express, what I'm feeling.
about your relationship with this woman. I don't mean be detached. I mean you need to be honest and forthright with each other - that has always been my approach.
