sim ankh said:
If the GW has weak curvature the GW near the BH will tend to move along null geodisics but at large distances from the BH where its curvature is very low the situation may be completely different.
This is not quite correct. The standard theory of GWs (i.e., the one we know how to solve with actual equations instead of having to just have supercomputers crunch approximate numbers

) assumes that the GW is weak in the sense that its corrections to the background
metric are much smaller than the background metric itself. This is not the same as saying that the
curvature of the GW is much smaller than the curvature of the background metric; for example, in the most common case, the background metric is Minkowski spacetime, which is flat (zero curvature), so any curvature at all due to the GW will be larger. But the Minkowski metric itself has a value of ##\pm 1## on the diagonals, and a weak GW in Minkowski spacetime will have corrections to the metric that are much smaller than ##1##. (The technical term for this theoretical approach is "linearized gravity".)
sim ankh said:
you do mention the binary pulsars where a good approximate split is possible which does contradict what I have just said
Not with the correction above. In the binary pulsar case, the background metric is not constant; it changes with time, and the changes are related to the energy being carried away by gravitational waves. But what I said above is still true for this case: the corrections to the background metric due to the GWs are much smaller than the background metric itself.
If it helps, you might consider a simpler case such as a spherical planet about the size of the Earth with ocean everywhere on its surface, and waves on the ocean. The average spherical geometry of the ocean's surface is like the background spacetime, and the waves on the ocean are like the gravitational waves. Their size will be much smaller than the size of the planet, which corresponds to the GWs being weak. (This analogy is limited because it leaves out time, but it might help to visualize what is meant by a "weak" GW.)
sim ankh said:
The common feature of accellerating mass
It's not quite a common feature, because "accelerating mass/charge" is not precisely the right term for the source in either case, and the correct sources are different in the two cases.
In the EM case, it turns out to be the third time derivative of the position of the charge (more precisely, of the charge dipole moment--see below) that produces EM waves. This is obscured in the most common case, charges in circular motion (such as electrons moving in a magnetic field), because it turns out that in that particular case, the third time derivative and the second time derivative have a fixed relationship, so you can substitute one for the other in the equation and make it look like it is just the acceleration driving the waves. But when you look at other cases, this breaks down and you have to go back to the more basic equation that has the third time derivative.
In the GW case, the source is still the third time derivative, but now it's the third time derivative of the mass
quadrupole moment (as opposed to the charge dipole moment for the EM case). This means that some cases even of circular motion of mass will not generate GWs, where the equivalent circular motions of charge would generate EM waves.
For both GW and EM, constant linear acceleration produces zero waves; this is another illustration of the fact that it's the third time derivative, not the second, that matters.
sim ankh said:
I have only a basic understanding of GW but was interested in their properties in respect of their affect on collapse of gas clouds.
In practical terms, this is negligible; GW emissions in such cases can occur in principle, but they will be so many orders of magnitude smaller than other emissions (EM waves and even direct ejections of mass from the cloud) that they will have no appreciable effect on the overall process.