How Can I Handle Bullies on the School Bus?

[Physics is Phun]

dealing with @$$holes. help me!

I am sick and tired of it. several time per week on my bus I am always getting things thown at me. eg. sandwiches, candy, cookies, sometimes nuts (the ones that go with bolts) I don't know why they pick on me, probably because I wear glasses am not that good looking and because they know I won't fight them. (although sometimes I would like to beat them with a giant board and nail. ) My bus driver is the most stupid person I've ever seen. She seems completely oblivious to me being pelted with things and my every once in a while, very loud swearing towards the back of the bus but if someone rests their feet on the back of the seat in front of them she's all eyes and ears. What should I do about this? I can't say anything to make them stop. Whenever I do, someone 'reccomends' that I "fight him" I am just getting sick of it. 17 year olds acting like they were 7.

 

[quantumdude]

and because they know I won't fight them.

Any particular reason?

 

[Evo]

Have your parents call the bus company and file a complaint and demand that the bus driver stop what is going on. The bus driver and the bus company are responsible for your welfare on that bus and if the bus driver allows this to continue they can get into serious trouble with the school district.

 

[the number 42]

I suggest you rent Dirty Harry and learn the words to Row Your Boat.

 

[the number 42]

Here's a good book that might help:


I did a quick search and found one that might be even better. Its by the same author, and though I haven't read it its probably just what you want.
http://www.buy4now.ie/Eason/productdetail.aspx?pid=1476155&loc=P&catid=1016.3
(If you quote the ISBN number 0859699250 to your local bookshop they might be able to order it for you).

 

[Moonbear]

Or, just close your eyes and think about life in 10 years when you have a college degree and a great job and they're still mopping floors in a fast food joint.

Work on your throwing arm, and when they throw stuff at you, feign innocence as you state, "I think you dropped this," and throw it back at them. (Okay, not the most mature response, but they probably are picking on you precisely because you don't do anything to fight back...kids who do stuff like that are usually cowards at heart and wouldn't take you on if they thought you'd return in kind.)

 

[Norman]

I think there is a time to step up and stand up for yourself. I would try and go through all the usual avenues that have already been suggested. This bus driver sounds like a real compassionate human being, but maybe if the boss puts some pressure on him/her, the problem will be solved. Other options may be to not take the bus if you can, I guess this is not an option since I am guessing that you wouldn't be taking the bus if you didn't have to. Anyways, the way you carry yourself and your previous actions are telling these jerks that they can mess with you and get away with it. They will most likely continue until they find someone else to pick on (unfortunately), they are made to stop by someone else or you make them stop. The major thing is to not let this escalate into it making your life a into a living h**l but also to not go too far in your reaction to the problem. I don't know you and I am guessing that this is getting pretty bad if you are posting it on here. Have you told your parents yet? Do they know how bad it is?

I am not sure how comfortable you would be with this but call these people out on it. Blatantly call them out on it- like moonbear said, bullies are cowards at heart and only pick on other people to make themselves feel better and get attention. Ask them straight faced and with an assertive tone, "Why are you doing this? Does it make you feel good about yourself to pick on other people? Do you like acting like a jerk?"

Another thing you might want to think about doing is working on what kind of attitude you project when you are faced with these kinda situations. If you exude confidence and strength, people will assume you are confident and strong (whether or not you are feeling that way at that time is irrelevant, the attitude is what counts). And it doesn't matter what you look like, how you dress, etc. It is the projection of your attitude that matters. You might consider taking up a martial art- not to learn how to fight, but the discipline involved with martial arts will work its way into your everyday presence.

I want to conclude with- I am not a parent, a councelor or anyone who really knows anything about teaching other people about how to really deal with these things. And I would really like to urge you talk to your parents or a teacher or any adult you trust. A lot of times this makes all the difference.

I really hope things start to look up!

 

[Astronuc]

Have your parents call the bus company and file a complaint and demand that the bus driver stop what is going on. The bus driver and the bus company are responsible for your welfare on that bus and if the bus driver allows this to continue they can get into serious trouble with the school district.

I would go along these lines, but perhaps start with the bus driver first, and get her to stop it, and if she does not, then ask her for the supervisor. If she declines, then tell her that you'll have to discuss it with your parents or principal at the school.

My daughter was harassed by a boy, and we had to go to the authorities. The harassment stopped.

If you retaliate by throwing things back at them, then the situation may escalate. If you're not prepared to fight, or rather, if you do not look like you're prepared to fight, it's best to go to authorities. BTW, I do not endorse or encourage fighting.

 

[Math Is Hard]

The only reason bullies never terrorized me in high school is they thought I was psycho.
I recommend a black trenchcoat, an aggro band t-shirt, combat boots, and maybe a piercing or two. (or whatever the scary kids are wearing these days)


ok, seriously though - are you allowed to wear headphones on the bus? Maybe that would help you at least to tune the a-holes out somewhat. They need to get your attention in order for the tormenting to be worthwhile. Stay in your own sphere - don't acknowledge them. My brother went through the same b.s. in high school. Eventually the kid (a-hole) who was harrassing him was expelled, but it was a long and difficult process. That kid was physically abusive to my brother (pushed him, stabbed him with pencils, etc) and it was still very difficult to get rid of him.

I agree with the other folks who said that it's time for adults to get involved here. The bus driver needs to stop this. There should be consequences for kids who throw food at you or anyone else. It sounds like there is not.

 

[spender]

Blow up that God damned bus into the air !

 

[Moonbear]

I'm surprised the bus driver isn't doing anything since she's probably the one stuck cleaning up all the stuff the other kids are throwing at you.

Um, yeah, don't take my suggestion to throw the stuff back at them seriously. Just think about doing it to cheer yourself up.

People who run bus companies don't like it when parents start camping out in their offices, so getting your parents to talk to the bus company is almost always the best way to get the bus driver to do something. (When I was a kid, we had a crazy bus driver who ran over all the curbs and anyone's bookbags sitting on the curb...when it was my bag that got run over, my mom showed up at the bus company and refused to leave until they replaced the broken items from my bookbag and got a new driver since clearly the one we had was unsafe. Then again, my mom was also the type who overreacted to everything else too...I was mortified when she decided my sister and I had to walk a block too far to the bus stop and went to the bus company demanding a new bus stop location closer to our house, which meant I got to stand alone at the bus stop with nobody but my sister...after school, I'd walk the extra block to get off with everyone else so I didn't look like such a dork).

 

[JasonRox]

Bring a two litre soda on the bus and let it spill all over the floor without others really seeing. After that, blame the kids throwing ****. The bus driver would sure hate to clean a mess like that.

I would add to the mess. Like pickle juice, rotten tomatoes, mustard, just to piss the bus driver off.

 

[dduardo]

Use the law of inertia:

Big heavy physics book = Pain

 

[Integral]

If possible, sit in the far back seat. Hard to hit you in the back, or you can see it coming, and holler, "Quit throwing", while they're in the act, this increases the likely hood that the driver will see it. If you can't get to the back seat then sit in the seat right behind the driver. Use his rear view or sit a bit sideways. Sooner or later you will be able to dodge something that goes on to hit the driver... That ought to get her attention.

I well remember being in your spot while in High School, one particular fellow, being egged on by his "buddies", would seek out opportunities to throw stuff at me. On the bus, lunch time, anytime. He wanted a fight, I was not the fighting type, even though I was not afraid of him or thought he could beat me, I simply could not see any reason to fight. Finally near the end of the year I gave in, "Ok, let's fight" So we met in a field after school, his buddies were calling all the shots (made me take off my class ring, I kinda figured that since I had been wearing it all along it should stay.. but no.

Finally after I bloodied his nose and it was pretty well established that I was the victor, they decided the fight was over.

Next day. the next Ahole in the pecking order started looking for a fight.

There is no end to it.

 

[Andromeda321]

I vote for what Integral says regarding sitting right next to the driver: if you don't want to pick a fight it's the best place to be because if they aim wrong they'll hit the driver instead of you. Might not be the best of ideas to pick a fight because if your driver's that inept to not notice the stuff being tossed in your direction she might not realize just who started the fight which'll just land you in hot water...

 

[Moonbear]

I also vote for Integral's suggestion of sitting right behind the bus driver. Maybe that's why I never got picked on like that as a kid, I used to sit there anyway. I was such a geek...sit at the front of the bus, sit at the front of the class, etc. I got teased for being smart, but it was just words, never anything physical. I'm afraid the back of the bus might be too dangerous. You might see what's coming your way, but even less likely the bus driver would notice anything, and then you're cornered.

 

[Chronos]

A more direct approach is suggested. When the next incident occurs, ask your tormentors to cease and desist. Explain to them that talking trash is one thing, but throwing stuff is called assault. And when it hits you, it's called assault and battery. Make it clear you will report any future incidents.

If it does happen again, announce loudly you are reporting the incident. Notify the bus driver and point out that such behavior can cause injury - and she, and her employer, could be held liable. In the company of witnesses, go to the principal's office and file a complaint. Insist for a written copy of your complaint. Give that to your parents.

 

[Smurf]

Very official Chronos. Make sure you use big words and nice grammar like that when doing it.

 

[juvenal]

Start helping a big kid or two out with their homework and get some protection. Getting your parents to complain to the bus company, as suggested, may help. Standing up to the bullies probably won't help right now. Some of the other suggestions - martial arts, gaining more confidence, etc are long-term solutions.

 

[juvenal]

Very official Chronos. Make sure you use big words and nice grammar like that when doing it.

Unhand me, you knave!

 

[Integral]

If you can't get the seat behind the bus driver go for the one behind, or in front of, the prettiest girl on the bus. The cost of the possible collateral damage may be high enough to create a cease fire.

 

[dextercioby]

Anyway,ANY METHOD,but violence...I would be such a shame for you parents to pay medical expenses for the victims...Funerals cost even more...


Daniel.

 

[gravenewworld]

Maybe this will give you some motivation http://www.collegehumor.com/?movie_id=93771

Seriously lift some weights get jacked and kick some ass or take some self defense classes, you might be able to even find some for free. YOu know you just want to sock that person who throws stuff at you right in the face.

 

[Artman]

You would think this kind of crap would quit, but it's the same as it was when I went to school.

Make the whole process sound as stupid and petty as it is. When you get hit by something, say something like, "Oh look, the big brave man hit me with his pencil." Point out their superior numbers. "No wait, I should say big brave men because it takes several of them to pick on one skinny little guy. Why don't you throw it at him (point to a large guy). Scared? Afraid he'll beat the crap out of you?" Make sure lots of girls hear the exchange.

This works I don't know your crowd, but I used it a few times myself and it did have the desired effect. They will throw a few more things that day to save face, but following days should be better. Good luck.

 

[Math Is Hard]

You would think this kind of crap would quit, but it's the same as it was when I went to school.

It's exactly the same. There's just more lawyers now.

 

[honestrosewater]

I think the adults should handle this. The less direct contact you have with the bullies, the better. I realize you may not care very much right now, but the people picking on you need help. If you don't care enough about them, think of the next person they find to harass. And think of them ten years from now beating their spouse and children. It's easier to help them stop their violent behavior now before it gets worse and spreads. You should have access to adults who know how to handle these things. If your parents don't know what to do, talk to your principal, guidance counselor, or (if you have one) the school police officer.
And before you decide to start fighting, I suggest you visit a prison.

 

[Davorak]

I do not want to sound discouraging but when I had the same problem the councilors, principle, and teachers did not know how to handle the situation. The bus driver would blame me for the problem and once made me clean things up. I got detention and pink slip on my permanent record. That is not to say that the councilors, principle, teacher, or bus driver can not help you. Just don’t go into the situation expecting them to. There are many avenues to address this problem and many have already be spoken here. I would suggest planning out your responses in advance. Know what plan of action that you will take before you take it. If their may be concrescences to you actions, know them and accept them before you under take said actions. Standing up to the bully, can lead to more bully fighting like Integral said. Getting the kids into trouble can only cause them to hate you more. Adults do not always know what to do in these situation unfortunately and an solution my only be a temporary reprieve. The important thing is that you find an avenue of decisions that will let you be happy with the life you lead.

For some this life is ignoring bullies and living in their own little world. Others trying to fight to make their place. Some would join those who torment them. Some use laughter to defuse situations.

My point is don’t let the bullies, or the rest of the world decide how you will life your life, you are the only one who will have to live it.

 

[Physics_wiz]

When I was in grade school, there was always this kid in a higher grade who kept picking on me when I entered through the school doors. He was always there, every single day. I told my parents I wanted some new shoes, and picked ones with a rough edge in front. Then came the long waited for day when I entered the school doors with that big smile in my mind saying, "Haha, you're mine now." As usual, he picked on me, but this time I just went up to him, looked him in the eye and kicked him as hard as I could in his legs. He started crying and I ran away, but he never picked on me again. I don't think kicking a 17 years old will get them to stop doing anything, but just show them that you will do something back. Even if you both get in trouble, they will at least know that they will get in trouble when they pick on you and they'll eventually think it's not worth it.

 

[Norman]

Well said Davorak!

 

[selfAdjoint]

When I was a sophmore in HS, a rough kid kept teasing me at a show I went to. I finally turned around and punched him in the eye, then moved my seat. After the show he punched me in the nose, but you know, he never bothered me again. Score, one nosebleed and freedom.

 

[Evo]

I do not want to sound discouraging but when I had the same problem the councilors, principle, and teachers did not know how to handle the situation. The bus driver would blame me for the problem and once made me clean things up.

That is why the parents need to call the bus company and advise them they want the bus driver to end what is going on immediately. This way there is no risk that the innocent child will be blamed and make it clear that the bus driver is to simply make it seem that he/she is just going to be enforcing rules and there should be no mention of why they are stopping the nonsense. Your parents should make it very clear that if the driver gives any indication of who complained there will be hell to pay.

Believe me, the crap will stop. Or there will be a new bus driver in the near future.

 

[Dooga Blackrazor]

You should definitely report them. If people make fun of you for reporting them, state that you are pacifist, even if you aren't. People have difficulty criticizing pacifism. Another technique when dealing with bullies is to utter complete nonsense.

Bully: You're a loser.
You: Am I, or is it the light of the sun against my socks that shrouds your perspective. They might laugh at you, but physical violence will be more difficult for them to carry out. Overall, you should atleast do something about your bus driver. What if someone else is being bullied, or if a new victim is chosen when you graduate? Lack of interference from adults can cause suicide in schools. I'd recommend your parents try to get the bus driver fired, or at least make sure the bullying stops.

 

[brewnog]

Get the bus driver fired? What the hell?

Where I come from, the bus driver is there to drive the frigging bus, not to mess about with a bunch of kids arguing.

Have I missed something completely?

 

[Evo]

Get the bus driver fired? What the hell?

Where I come from, the bus driver is there to drive the frigging bus, not to mess about with a bunch of kids arguing.

Have I missed something completely?

If the bus driver is told to stop the kids from acting up and they refuse to enforce the rules, they can get fired. They are supposed to keep the kids under control, it's part of their job. Good bus drivers don't let stuff like that happen, lazy, worthless drivers don't care.

One of my clients is the local school bus company (so I know).

 

[brewnog]

Oooooooooooooooohhhh yeah you have those big yellow things don't you!

Sorry, I was thinking normal bus.

 

[saltydog]

Dude, there is nothing that would be acceptable to you that you can do. That's ok though. Just try to survive; your 20's are the best time in your life and worth the effort to live up to getting there. This is a joke my son and I have:

I once was in a bank. I noticed a guy applying for a loan. He used to be a bully in school but the bank officer he was talking to was also someone I knew from school that was picked on all the time. Here's the joke:

"I'm sorry, your loan application has been . . .DENIED!" Well, according to my records, your application has been . . .DENIED!. Hum, let's see, . . . DENIED! "What do we have here: DENIED!"

Cheers,
Salty

 

[gravenewworld]

You could always just make fun of the moron for being 17 and still having to ride the school bus instead of driving. What did he do, fail the driver's license test?

 

[Chronos]

Stories of heroism are inspiring, but do not stop the madness. The sooner you address the problem directly, the sooner it will be solved. If you don't make a stand, you really are a wimp. If you tire of that, try a different approach. I'm not saying my approach is superior, just that it's better than accepting being a victim. If I was on a bus, any bus, and some morons hassled me, I would file charges. I dang sure wouldn't care what they, or any other morons on the bus, thought about me for asserting my right to be left alone.

 

[tribdog]

the truth of the matter is that you have several options, but none of them are appealing. You need to weigh the pros and cons of each one and pick the least objectionable. I'd like to point out a few things though.
1. Telling them to stop/using big words/yelling at them: these would be a futile effort. It won't make them stop and will give them fodder for future arguements. If they get a big reaction out of you they win, that's what they are going for.
2. trenchcoat/blow up the bus/columbine reinactment: don't. I will personally kick your butt if I hear a news report saying "we know the shooter was a member of something called "Physicsforums" an online cult now under investigation."
3. fight back: be prepared to get suspended, try to get the first shot, don't try anything fancy, don't do it if there is a chance they won't stop or if they'd gang up on you. It doesn't really hurt that much to get punched, adrenaline is pretty amazing. just don't get injured and don't try to injure them. black eye is cool gouging out the eye is not.
4. tell on them: try to keep it anonymous if you do it.
5.Sit by the driver: wussie move, but safest.

If you were 10 and having this problem I'd say fight. At 17 it is a bit different and fighting shouldn't be an adult's response. All I can tell you is don't worry it ends after high school, graduate and you won't have to deal with this kind of behavior. ps why don't you drive yourself instead of taking the bus?

 

[the number 42]

Get the bus driver fired? What the hell?

Where I come from, the bus driver is there to drive the frigging bus, not to mess about with a bunch of kids arguing.

Have I missed something completely?

Right. The drivers drive, and the police ride shotgun.
http://www.tfl.gov.uk/buses/press-releases/2005/january/press-020.shtml

 

[the number 42]

Bully: You're a loser.
You: Am I, or is it the light of the sun against my socks that shrouds your perspective. They might laugh at you...

..or they might make you a zen master and fall at your holy feet. Dooga, a career in standup comedy is yours for the taking.

 

[the number 42]

If you don't make a stand, you really are a wimp. ... If I was on a bus, any bus, and some morons hassled me, I would file charges.

Go, Rambo!

 

[scholar]

If you were 10 and having this problem I'd say fight. At 17 it is a bit different and fighting shouldn't be an adult's response. All I can tell you is don't worry it ends after high school, graduate and you won't have to deal with this kind of behavior. ps why don't you drive yourself instead of taking the bus?

That was my thought as well. If you were a few years younger I would advise you to pick fights with a couple of them, but at your age the police could get involved with assault charges etc. I'm surprised this behaviour goes on, I guess some 17 year olds at your school still act like they were 13. At my school by the time we were 17 we thought we were adults and acted as such.

Anyway, it does end as soon as you graduate, so I guess you don't have much longer to stick it out if you choose that course of action. Best of luck.

 

[Astronuc]

Tribdog did a nice summary of the option. Along the lines of Chronos, you could simply address the bullies (i.e. stand up to them), without insult or threat, and just tell them to stop picking on you. Do it on the bus in front of everyone, but be nice about it.

If that does not work, then get the bus driver, parents, school authorities involved (as others have pointed out), more or less in that order, until someone makes these guys stop.

Bullying is not OK!

 

[misogynisticfeminist]

When I'm age 18 and below and relatively free from the law (i won't get charged in the court of law for assault as an adult or anything), violence would be an option. I used to be very timid and constantly bullied but after hanging out with a few group of close friends who taught me somewhat how to stand up for myself. I am a little bigger in size, so i am in an advantage when involved in a fight, somewhat.

I think its ok to get involved in fights but as long as the law don't catch up with you and you are mature enough to understand violence is not always the solution (but occasionaly, it can be).

One practical advice though, send someone you know who's big and tough and tatooed and everything on the bus, and talk as if you're lifelong buddies. I think a few stares by him should give you peace for quite a while.

 

[Artman]

I am worried that you will regret not doing something yourself to try and end this.

If you go to the authorities, the bullies will assume it was you that ended their fun while it was still "fun" for them. You will still suffer their insults etc.; I doubt that can be completely stopped by intervention of adults.

Physics solution: calculate the combined mass of all the objects thrown at you, and select one object that equals it to throw back. Of course if you throw it a little too hard, you could say you had to estimate the force. Just kidding, don't stoop to their level.

1. Telling them to stop/using big words/yelling at them: these would be a futile effort. It won't make them stop and will give them fodder for future arguements. If they get a big reaction out of you they win, that's what they are going for.

I agree with this, however, not if your reaction is calm, in control and makes them look bad. They aren't going to bring it up again if they look bad.

Make the whole process sound as stupid and petty as it is.

Honestly, this does work. I used to get picked on nearly every day during a 7 mile each way bus ride. It stopped the day after I stood up to them verbally for picking on me. It takes guts to do it because it is taking a stand, but it is nonviolent (unless they begin a fight). Even if it doesn't work, you can respect yourself. Then go to the authorities.

 

[Norman]

Physics is Phun,

We haven't heard from you lately. It has been a couple of days, I guess it would be nice to hear if anything has helped or not... or what you think of everyone's advice.
Cheers.

 

[gravenewworld]

Despite what people say violence solves conflicts-thats how wars are won. Now go kick some ass.

 

[Physics is Phun]

Well, thank for all the helpful advice guys. I am sure some of it will be helpful. I don't think I am really at the point of complaining to the bus company. Anyway if it came to that I would rather skip over that phase and take chonos' advice and charge them. I think you are right that throwing stuff back at them is useless, I have tried but I find that I don't have nearly enough stuff to throw at them. Also getting angy really doesn't solve the problem however talking rationally doesn't seem to do anything either. If i try to say anything I am usually responded to by what I just said in a stupid, high pitched, "impression" I think it bus location that is important. I am finding I like the advice to sit in close proximity to either a huge guy or a hot girl, as both would reduce the throwing of anything damaging (rock) or staining (pudding) also either sitting close to the driver or farther back is a good idea. When up at the front it is too far to aim properly and when in the back it is too close to miss so it seems it would take some of the fun out of it. also if i am sitting very close I can keep an eye on the back of the bus and tell where the projectile is coming from.
Well thank everyone. Keep the ideas coming if you like, as I am sure they will be helpful.

 

[Bartholomew]

You could get a nice street bike and ride that instead of taking the bus. How long is your bus ride?