How much should you spend on an engagement ring?

[gravenewworld]

Almost every girl I ask says that you should spend 2 months salary, but most would prefer 3.


Almost every guy I ask says that they would prefer to only spend 1 month to 6 weeks salary MAX.



To me it seems silly for couples to gain so much debt for a piece of jewelry. Wouldn't it be better to buy a smaller ring and use the rest of the money for a down payment on a house or to pay off a high interest loan or credit card debt?

 

[misgfool]

Almost every girl I ask says that you should spend 2 months salary, but most would prefer 3.

To me it seems silly for couples to gain so much debt for a piece of jewelry. Wouldn't it be better to buy a smaller ring and use the rest of the money for a down payment on a house or to pay off a high interest loan or credit card debt?

If money is the important thing, then you should look at how long it takes to get the spent capital creating savings in the deal. Defining it is a bit hard, but let's see.

Lets assume that one successful bar night can cost you about $100 (average counted from all bar nights). If you make $4000 a month, then the overall cost would be $8000 which would be comparable to 80 successful bar nights. Say that you have success in a relationship 3 times a week. Then you would have to spend 26,7 weeks with her to make the deal profitable. But obviously this doesn't take into account the running costs of maintaining her. I don't know, it's hard bargain, really increases the risks of the portfolio and in the end has to be assessed based on the quality of goods.

 

[cristo]

Almost every girl I ask says that you should spend 2 months salary, but most would prefer 3.

Surely the important thing is what your financé wants, and not what other girls say. I would guess that one should know what one's own finance thinks about such a matter. Of course, it also depends on many other things like, how much do you earn, and whether you will lose out on anything important due to loss of money spent on the ring.

 

[Astronuc]

Fortunately, I married a woman who is rather practical and not concerned about jewelry.

We used her grandmother's ring for an engagement ring, and the money saved payed for her school loans - or part of down payment on a house.

 

[redargon]

I asked my gf if she would rather have a really expensive (symbolic, but egotistical I think) engagement ring or a small ring (symbolic) and a deposit on a new car... she chose small ring and deposit on a small car. I think that's a much more practical use than strapping 3 months of my salary on her finger

And besides that, if you're going to get maaried you both have to have a good idea about what the other thinks of finances. Buying a house together these days is probably more demanding of loyality in a relationship than marriage. If you both like to have fancy stuff, then start saving buddy. If you both understand money and are really in love, then I hate to say it, but a ring you made out of tinfoil should suffice. On a reasonable note, I would personally consider 2-3 months salary in the whole deal (ring/ring + downpayment on a house/car/schooling/children's college fund etc)

 

[Phrak]

Shinnys object distracted her and she ran into a Buick.

Daimonds are forever. Write to de Beers, and ask them how much.

Then, there are women. What will her friends and family think? You are being rated.

(Where is the behavior and psychology folder in the PF forum? I would be pleased to hang out with the poor soules that would haunt such a folder.)

 

[Fra]

Almost every girl I ask says that you should spend 2 months salary, but most would prefer 3.

I'm not sure where you are from or what the salary is but I think you need to meet som girls that at least have a justifiable perspective on reality.

It's not only a waste of money, but if that a girl expects her ring to cost 3 months salary to get engaged the whole things seems quite tasteless. You might as well buy yourself a new girlfriend instead and even make a saving.

/Fredrik

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

The way you present the ring is far more important than the price of it. Here's a helpful suggestion on spicing up the presentation:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30011573/"

My wife chose her ring for herself and then I bought it. The stone was a ruby and it cost far below what I had budgeted. That was 20 years ago. In all those years she said many times that she wanted a diamond too, but we didn't get one until quite recently. It seems to me that prices had fallen quite a bit and that I got a bigger stone than I would have expected for the price, but I don't follow the market so I don't know. Even so, in the few short months (long months?) since then it seems that prices have continued to go down.

 

[George Jones]

This depends on the couple involved.

Don't do anything too extravagant, and don't do anything that will cause hurt feelings. The meaning of "extravagant" and the cause of hurt feelings vary from couple to couple to couple.

This really is between you and your fiance and no one else.

 

[gravenewworld]

Shinnys object distracted her and she ran into a Buick.

Daimonds are forever. Write to de Beers, and ask them how much.

Then, there are women. What will her friends and family think? You are being rated.

(Where is the behavior and psychology folder in the PF forum? I would be pleased to hang out with the poor soules that would haunt such a folder.)

Ha, technically diamonds spontaneously decompose into graphite, so diamonds really aren't forever


I have been looking at used jewelry or rings at pawn/antique shops. You can find rings that have a huge rock in them for a fraction of the cost.

 

[Monique]

I never knew that engagement rings would be expressed in monthly salaries.. I think it is more important to know the design and kind of stone (if applicable) you and your fiancee want, you then go out and look what's available in your prize range. I received a platinum friendship ring with three diamonds. Normally it would have been too expensive, but by negotiating we got a 40% discount on the prize.

 

[Evo]

The rule of thumb used to be 1 month's salary.

I personally think buying an expensive engagement ring is ridiculous. I used a small diamond that was in my mother's original engagement ring and had it set in a plain brushed gold band, I paid for the rings myself, cost me about $100.

It's really a personal matter, but it is foolish, IMO, to spend so much when you are young and just getting started. If she wants something big and flashy, get her a cubic zirconia. If she takes it to a jewelry store and has it tested, I would run away.

 

[BobG]

Then, there are women. What will her friends and family think? You are being rated.

Hate to say it, but this is what engagement rings are all about. The engagement ring is to show her family and her friends that she's very successful. Probably more relevant in the days in which a woman's worth was defined solely by the quality of husband she was able to obtain.

If you get engaged to a woman emotionally involved in her own career, you might get away with a cheaper ring. Don't count on it, though, since the amount of money you spend is still a sign of how commitment and how much sacrifice you're willing to make.

Marry a woman with no job or a job that's just killing time until she gets married, you better fork out the money.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I think that expensive engagement rings are ridiculous. I also think that expensive extravagent weddings are ridiculous.

Personally, if I ever find a woman to marry, I want to make the ring myself (preferably not out of tin foil) and elope.

 

[Fra]

since the amount of money you spend is still a sign of how commitment and how much sacrifice you're willing to make.

Or it's a sign of your good judgment on how to best make use of money, just to show her parents that this is a guy that really has got his priorities right. Something I would appreciate if I was a dad to a daughter.

But then I'm swedish.

/Fredrik

 

[NeoDevin]

I was making really good money at the time I got married, so my wife's ring was only about 1 week's salary. In addition, I proposed drunk on the kitchen floor. It was very romantic.

 

[Evo]

I was making really good money at the time I got married, so my wife's ring was only about 1 week's salary. In addition, I proposed drunk on the kitchen floor. It was very romantic.

Ahahaha. Well, they say that the "real you" comes out when you're drunk.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Or it's a sign of your good judgment on how to best make use of money, just to show her parents that this is a guy that really has got his priorities right. Something I would appreciate if I was a dad to a daughter.

But then I'm swedish.

/Fredrik

Let's see, should I make life at home tolerable, or try to impress the father-in-law?

I have never slept with my father-in-law.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

and don't do anything that will cause hurt feelings.

That's the point that rings true for me. This is not something to get wrong.

The other thing is to plan ahead. Once you are standing in front of the jewelry case, there is no way that a budget-wise choice will seem appealing.

One big area to save money is the quality of the diamond. A relatively large diamond of moderate quality will cost no more than a small diamond of very high quality. And no one can tell the difference but a jeweler. If you go to a large dealer you will have many more choices wrt quality - no malls!

 

[rootX]

Or it's a sign of your good judgment on how to best make use of money, just to show her parents that this is a guy that really has got his priorities right. Something I would appreciate if I was a dad to a daughter.

But then I'm swedish.

/Fredrik

It could also be a sign of poor judgment.

 

[BobG]

Or it's a sign of your good judgment on how to best make use of money, just to show her parents that this is a guy that really has got his priorities right. Something I would appreciate if I was a dad to a daughter.

But then I'm swedish.

/Fredrik

If the guy spends 3 months salary on his bride to be and later gets hit by a bus, at least the widow can sell the ring and has 3 months to find a new husband before she has to resort to sponging off of her parents. I think I would appreciate that as a dad that's already converted my daughter's old bedroom into my own personal home theater and video game room.

Besides, the guy's guaranteed to not have a lick of sense, anyway. If he didn't invest his money in something that would retain its value, he would have just blown it on cheap beer.

 

[Borek]

Engagement ring is a sexism and chauvinism combined in one object. Depending on the point of view it is either a signal (send to other men) marking woman as already owned by someone, or a signal (send to other women) "I have already found an idiot ready to buy me this and other trinkets".

Both versions are politically incorrect, thus engagement rings should be abolished.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

The rule of thumb used to be 1 month's salary.

Not everyone uses a thumb in these situations.
http://www.eatliver.com/i.php?n=4084"

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The idea that a man should spend about two months' wages for an engagement ring originated from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring

 

[Monique]

Apparently that marketing was effective.

Obviously what you make in a month does not correlate with the amount of money that you've got to spend. Some people have a huge mortgage on their house, or go on expensive vacations, or simple have a debt to pay off.

In the Netherlands we have very simple rings (usually just a band), nothing like the huge contraptions that you see on (a selection of) women in the US.

 

[chemisttree]

Anyway you look at it, you're going to be paying for that engagement ring for the rest of your life.

 

[Phrak]

Reducing the two to four hundred pecent markup should help.

 

[turbo]

When I proposed to my wife, we were both unemployed and looking for work, and she would have been really ticked off if I had bought her an engagement ring, no matter how modest. About 10-15 years later, there was a rush on gold, and a friend of mine was buying a lot of it. He had bought an antique German-made wedding band (very heavy) made of three colors of 14k gold in a beautifully sculpted floral pattern (the roses forming the center of the band were made of rose gold). I bought if for current scrap price, and gave it to my wife on her birthday (she had never had a wedding band, either, and I just couldn't bear to see that lovely piece head to the smelter). I will never buy a diamond for any reason. DeBeers manipulates the prices and can drive them up and down at will.

I have faceted many fine gem-stones over the years that are far more beautiful than most diamonds. Diamonds have flash and perhaps a little color (except for the exotics), and little else. They cannot compare to the Tanzanite (raw trichroic or heat-treated dichroic), Tsavorite (RARE deep green African garnet), Yogo Gulch sapphires, etc, that I have given away to friends and family. The only reason that gem-quality diamonds are expensive is that deBeers throttles the supply. They are very common and plain gems. If rarity and beauty (not marketing programs) determined gem-value, many semi-precious gems would be far more expensive than diamonds due to their naturally small supply.

 

[Monique]

I agree that color stones can be very beautiful, but here they are very hard to come by. The most you find are diamonds and (colored) zirkonias. I would LOVE to have a color stone ring, but you only find them on internet stores. One time I went shopping for a ring for my bf and entered a 'chique' jewelry store, instead of welkoming me I got the message "we only sell diamonds here" and basically was pointed to the door. I was stupified, I then bought a beautiful ring at their neighbor.

 

[turbo]

I once attended a business dinner with my employers, and the international sales manager and I had talked a bit and he ended up sitting next to me. He was of Chinese descent and the US sales manager seemed to fear him as did the US president - very competitive field and company. Anyway, after we ordered, he was reaching for his wine glass and I kind of gasped. He looked over and I said "That is the finest sapphire I have ever seen." He just beamed and said "You know stones?". I told him that I did and he removed his ring and handed it to me. It was a perfect blue sapphire with no visible silk, polished as an irregular cabochon and mounted in a heavy gold ring. The stone was at least 10 carats, probably much more. I looked at it a very long time before handing it back to him, and said something like "You are wearing a fortune!" He told me that his father was a businessman and his family bought up prime jewels so that they could hide them in clothing, etc, and transport at least some of their wealth out of China in the lead-up to the Cultural Revolution. We forgot all the shop-talk, all the across-table discussions about product development, marketing, etc. It was one of the best business-dinners I have ever attended.

Even today, the best market for high-quality colored stones (rubies, sapphires, etc) is in Asia. deBeers has made remarkable inroads into Japan with their diamonds, but if you have top-quality colored stones to sell, you'd be well-advised to hook up with a broker in Hong Kong, Taiwan, etc.

 

[turbo]

I would LOVE to have a color stone ring, but you only find them on internet stores.

That kind of purchase is fraught with danger. There is a lot of sub-par stuff out there and it's easy to make mistakes if you don't know the ropes. One thing that buyers don't know is that every material has it's own refractive index and it's own prime range of faceting angles to optimize color, brightness, and scintillation. It is far too common that faceters will sacrifice optical properties and weight in order to maximize diameter. When I walked into a first sales-call at a very high-end jewelry store to try to sell some stones, I started explaining my philosophy to the owner, and he stopped me. He said XYZ has already told me that you sacrifice weight for color and flash and that your stones are properly calibrated, with a thick enough girdle so that my jewelers will not have any trouble fitting them to cast mountings or risk fractures when they crimp the prongs. That was high praise. He bought all of the native Maine stones I had, and I never ever got out of his office again with a Maine tourmaline in my possession. He had to have them all, even if I asked what I thought was a stiff price.

EDIT: Another thing. If you can get a nice, bright garnet at a reasonable price, you should consider buying that. Garnets are not as hard as sapphires or diamonds (obviously) but they are very tough and chip-resistant. Faceted diamonds are a lot more delicate than most people realize. Diamond-cutters are ruthless about weight and they orient each piece of rough to maximize finished weight. That's a problem, because diamonds have some pretty well-defined shear-planes and they can chip easily with even small impacts. Garnets do not feature strong perfect planes of cleavage like diamonds do, and they can withstand a lot of abuse.

 

[Evo]

I love saphires and I have saphire rings, earings and necklaces. I also have rubies, amethyst, citrine, peridot, garnets, lapis, amber, topaz, quartz. I love colored gems.

Cheap, sturdy, and very pretty are rhodolite garnets.

http://www.precisiongem.com/html/html/Garnet_Red_files/pl_73_detail_1.png

garnet

http://www.shaysjewelers.com/images/gem_garnet.jpg

And I have black opals.

http://www.australianblackopals.com/images/frontnew1.jpg

 

[turbo]

I love saphires and I have saphire rings, earings and necklaces. I also have rubies, amethyst, citrine, peridot, garnets, lapis, amber.

Cheap, sturdy, and very pretty are rhodolite garnets.

http://www.precisiongem.com/html/html/Garnet_Red_files/pl_73_detail_1.png

garnet

http://www.shaysjewelers.com/images/gem_garnet.jpg

Rhodolites can be wonderful. The pale ones can be cut into large flashy stones, and the darker ones can be cut into smaller, deep raspberry-colored stones.

 

[Kurdt]

I was too lazy to read all the replies but I bought what I could afford and what my girlfriend of the time pointed out to me. Why does it have to cost such a specific amount rather than what your partner wants. To be honest this is the first time I've heard an engagement ring has to cost a minimum amount.

 

[Evo]

I was too lazy to read all the replies but I bought what I could afford and what my girlfriend of the time pointed out to me. Why does it have to cost such a specific amount rather than what your partner wants. To be honest this is the first time I've heard an engagement ring has to cost a minimum amount.

You were engaged? How old were you?