My friend can't find her cat - I know what happened to it - It's not good

[Newai]

One of those predicaments.

My friend (she's in her early 20s) doesn't know where her cat is and she has assumed that it moved away, like cats sometimes do - seeking temporary adoption by some other cat-loving family. But I know that it was killed on the road and disposed of by city workers. So, do I tell her or not?

 

[KrisOhn]

I see no reason not to tell her.

 

[Insanity]

I would tell her, rather then let her continue to worry.

 

[BobG]

How long have you known her cat was dead? That could come into play. If it died last month and you've been stewing this long about whether to tell her or not, she might not be very happy with you.

Four words to live by (at least for professional servers of legal papers, such as subpoenas, divorce papers, etc) - Don't kill the messenger!

Actually, this situation reminds me of those poor grade school kids in Ishinimaki that are still dutifully waiting for their parents to pick them up from school, even after a week has passed since the tsunami. That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard.

 

[Newai]

It's actually been a long, long time. But she brought it up recently so I feel really bad because I couldn't figure out what to do.

 

[rootX]

She doesn't even seem to be that attached to her cat if she can assume that her cat walked away and she didn't consider putting lost cat posters (this is my assumption).

 

[nismaratwork]

Tell her, not-knowing keeps a wound fresh, grief passes.

 

[Evo]

Tell her, not-knowing keeps a wound fresh, grief passes.

If she knows hers is dead, perhaps she will get another, instead of waiting and not knowing.

 

[nismaratwork]

If she knows hers is dead, perhaps she will get another, instead of waiting and not knowing.

That's another good point, and a final one: she may feel guilty right now, but she shouldn't... the cat wasn't poorly cared for and ran away, it died.

@Newai: ALWAYS come clean in these situations, and if you're wondering who you're trying to do a favor for by shutting up, it's always you (aka the secret-holder).

 

[lisab]

It's actually been a long, long time. But she brought it up recently so I feel really bad because I couldn't figure out what to do.

If she brought it up, then I think she still wonders and worries. Like others have said, not knowing is a terrible state of mind.

It would be kind of you to tell her.

 

[nismaratwork]

If she brought it up, then I think she still wonders and worries. Like others have said, not knowing is a terrible state of mind.

It would be kind of you to tell her.

Even more so, it would be cruel not to.

 

[Proton Soup]

had one get trapped under the neighbor's house, once. it's amazing how much weight they can lose in a week.

if it were a week ago, i'd certainly tell her. worry over possible suffering can be terribly troubling. but if it's really been a long time, it depends. on whether she'd going to hate you or not. or if she's still worrying over whether it suffered. if it helps to tell her it passed quickly, i'd tell her that. if you can give her peace of mind, then i'd say do it.

 

[nismaratwork]

had one get trapped under the neighbor's house, once. it's amazing how much weight they can lose in a week.

if it were a week ago, i'd certainly tell her. worry over possible suffering can be terribly troubling. but if it's really been a long time, it depends. on whether she'd going to hate you or not. or if she's still worrying over whether it suffered. if it helps to tell her it passed quickly, i'd tell her that. if you can give her peace of mind, then i'd say do it.

If she hates you, she hates you... that's the price of waiting. Tell.

 

[brewnog]

You could buy a similar one, get it stuffed and leave it in a prominent position.

 

[IMP]

I am going to have to go against the grain here and suggest you just leave it be. She currently thinks kitty has run away and is living it up with someone else. As soon as you bring the truth to light, she is going to "play the mental movie" of kitty getting run over, did kitty suffer, where is kitty now, in the city dump with the trash, etc. I think this is a case where ignorance is bliss...

 

[Borek]

if you're wondering who you're trying to do a favor for by shutting up, it's always you

That's not the worst choice if you ask me.

 

[nismaratwork]

That's not the worst choice if you ask me.

Perhaps not the worst choice, but we shouldn't pretend that it's for someone else's sake. I'm not condemning all selfish acts, just the attempt at trying to justify them as a favor to another.

 

[Newai]

I should mention other details, if it matters.

The cat was being taken care of by the parents of her girlfriend. I watched the mother go out in the winter cold for the next few nights calling out for the cat. It was such a sad sight.

I'll probably tell her this weekend. Not something I'm looking forward to.

 

[nismaratwork]

I should mention other details, if it matters.

The cat was being taken care of by the parents of her girlfriend. I watched the mother go out in the winter cold for the next few nights calling out for the cat. It was such a sad sight.

I'll probably tell her this weekend. Not something I'm looking forward to.

You're doing the right thing, and no need to get into gruesome details. Hell, lie on that front if you can get away with it and it's believable.

 

[Newai]

This is such a huge can of worms. The city worker who disposed of the carcass had a huge fallout with her. Led to jail time, in fact.

All this over a dead cat. Part of me thinks it might be better to let it die.

 

[BobG]

I should mention other details, if it matters.

The cat was being taken care of by the parents of her girlfriend. I watched the mother go out in the winter cold for the next few nights calling out for the cat. It was such a sad sight.

I'll probably tell her this weekend. Not something I'm looking forward to.

This part probably won't go over well.

Still, people always say that honesty is the best policy ...

... plus, I think we're all eager to hear how she reacts. This could be a very interesting story - maybe even better than the story of how tribdog managed to weld a frozen bottle of water to his girlfriend's carpet.

 

[nismaratwork]

This is such a huge can of worms. The city worker who disposed of the carcass had a huge fallout with her. Led to jail time, in fact.

All this over a dead cat. Part of me thinks it might be better to let it die.

Uhhhh... that adds a complication beyond the moral dimension. If this could land you in legal hot water, leave it be.

@BobG: I respect your love of entertainment (not sarcastic).

 

[rootX]

This part probably won't go over well.

Still, people always say that honesty is the best policy ...

... plus, I think we're all eager to hear how she reacts. This could be a very interesting story - maybe even better than the story of how tribdog managed to weld a frozen bottle of water to his girlfriend's carpet.

I am going to bet my money on the outcome where OP disappears and never comes back to tell us the reaction of the girl and her mom

I don't know the aftermath of tribdog story but he sure came out alive but hasn't been here for a long long time now which makes me wonder what was the last adventure tribdog talked of.

 

[nismaratwork]

I am going to bet my money on the outcome where OP disappears and never comes back to tell us the reaction of the girl and her mom

I don't know the aftermath of tribdog story but he sure came out alive but hasn't been here for a long long time now which makes me wonder what was the last adventure tribdog talked of.

Nah, Newai will come back, but I also want to know what this welding was... it sounds fiendish!

 

[rootX]

Nah, Newai will come back, but I also want to know what this welding was... it sounds fiendish!

I went to the refridgerator to get myself a drink of soda pop. Unfo rtunately there was no soda. I realized that when I got home from the store I had place the warm 2 liter bottle of Pepsi in the freezer. I opened the freezer and there was the Pepsi, frozen solid. I really wanted a drink so I grabbed my bottle of MAPP Gas and torch tip and proceeded to heat the bottom of the bottle. slowly the Pepsi started to melt. I set the torch down and took a drink, then I set the bottle down on the floor. A few minutes later, when I wanted another drink I reached for the bottle, but it was stuck to the floor. I pulled harder and-with a tearing sound-the bottle came free. I looked down and there on the carpet I saw a round burn mark. I guess the bottom of the bottle was still pretty dang hot when I put it down.
All this happened about ten minutes ago, my girlfriend will be home any second and I have a huge burn in the middle of the carpet. Nice knowing you all. Any suggestions on what I should do?

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=7021&page=1

 

[nismaratwork]

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=7021&page=1

HAHAHAHHA! Oh man...

Thank you rootX.

 

[nismaratwork]

Here's the thread. I remembered it was right near the beginning of the stickied "General discussion classics". Funny thread for sure.

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=7021&page=1

Rootx beat yah, but I thank you nonetheless!

I laughed out loud... HARD.

 

[Grep]

Rootx beat yah, but I thank you nonetheless!

I laughed out loud... HARD.

I noticed that as soon as it was posted and deleted it very quickly. But not quick enough!

But yeah, a classic for a reason.

 

[1MileCrash]

I wouldn't tell her, mainly because I wouldn't care enough.

 

[nismaratwork]

I wouldn't tell her, mainly because I wouldn't care enough.

Hmmmm... did we start fires a lot as a kid?

 

[rootX]

On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.

 

[nismaratwork]

On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.

Well said.

 

[Newai]

On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.

At the time, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know they were looking after her cat. I didn't know who's cat it was.

 

[BobG]

On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.

Sometimes you have to appreciate the moment for what it is. And, sometimes, a person just can't help standing back and vicariously living out a sad moment. Telling her would have brought those moments to an end.

Even so, I would have had to tell the mom the second time I saw her standing out there... or at least by the third time ... or fourth time ...

 

[Newai]

Sometimes you have to appreciate the moment for what it is. And, sometimes, a person just can't help standing back and vicariously living out a sad moment. Telling her would have brought those moments to an end.

Even so, I would have had to tell the mom the second time I saw her standing out there... or at least by the third time ... or fourth time ...

But I didn't know at that time. The city worker told me it was her cat, and he actually took care of it for a few years because he was her stepfather.

A can of worms.

 

[turbo]

But I didn't know at that time. The city worker told me it was her cat, and he actually took care of it for a few years because he was her stepfather.

A can of worms.

OK, how many of these people have amnesia or have unknowingly consorted with siblings?

Sorry. Seems like a lot going on. Please disregard the soap-opera comparison.

 

[Containment]

Just tell her you heard from someone causally that they saw a cat dead that looked kinda like that one. Just make sure not to tell her who it was or that you didnt know who it was they just brought it up when you where talking about it or something. That way you can tell her the cat died without having to bring up issues.

 

[turbo]

Just tell her you heard from someone causally that they saw a cat dead that looked kinda like that one.

As in "the person who killed the cat?"

 

[rootX]

But I didn't know at that time. The city worker told me it was her cat, and he actually took care of it for a few years because he was her stepfather.

A can of worms.

Nonetheless, you can leave similar impression on them. It's quite hard to tell the things the way you want to tell. I disagree with all who think simply being honest and transparent now is the best thing here.

Personally, I have sometimes found that being clear and transparent not always lead to good outcomes.

 

[BobG]

My kids are all adults, now, and they still don't know that Old Yeller died at the end of that movie.

 

[lisab]

My kids are all adults, now, and they still don't know that Old Yeller died at the end of that movie.

How did you manage that? Distract them with ice cream and discreetly turn off the VCR?

 

[Proton Soup]

If she hates you, she hates you... that's the price of waiting. Tell.

more and more, I'm getting the feeling i know you from somewhere else

 

[Evo]

Just get her a new kitten. Say nothing. Make sure you can return the kitten.

 

[rootX]

Just get her a new kitten. Say nothing. Make sure you can return the kitten.

I loved this idea! :!)

(Don't forget to make a new thread in Relationships forum if you ever need to )

 

[Proton Soup]

This is such a huge can of worms. The city worker who disposed of the carcass had a huge fallout with her. Led to jail time, in fact.

All this over a dead cat. Part of me thinks it might be better to let it die.

wait, she was dating the guy that disposed of the cat? she'll think he killed it.

 

[Newai]

Just get her a new kitten. Say nothing. Make sure you can return the kitten.

I can do that. Some things are better left unsaid anyway. Because she doesn't need to know. Leave her with happier thoughts.

 

[Newai]

wait, she was dating the guy that disposed of the cat? she'll think he killed it.

No no. Her former stepfather disposed of it.

 

[Evo]

I can do that. Some things are better left unsaid anyway. Because she doesn't need to know. Leave her with happier thoughts.

She'll love the new kitten, and if for some reason she can't keep it, you can return it to be adopted.

 

[Proton Soup]

She'll love the new kitten, and if for some reason she can't keep it, you can return it to be adopted.

please don't suggest this. he'll own the cat. kittens can be very hard to home out. our humane society here would take it, but it only keeps them for 24 hours. we had a stray dump a couple of litters on us before we managed to cage her and get her fixed. some i managed to find homes through craigslist, but the puppy warriors there make it very difficult for you. overall, it was a very unpleasant experience i don't want to repeat any time soon.

 

[Proton Soup]

No no. Her former stepfather disposed of it.

well that makes it worse. seems like he'd have a higher responsibility to deliver the news, tho, unless there's some kind of restraining order in place.