Please give me some advices on how to date a nerdy guy?

  • Thread starter lily012
  • Start date
  • #1
1
0
I really like this average looking nerdy guy from my college but it is so hard to read his mind. With him, i have to do the "chase", i initiate phone calls( twice a week only, so i don't think that is being clingy), conservation, meeting him at the library etc. But he never seems to be interested in me, he seems too busy whenever i go see him(And plus, he never texts me first either but replies all my text though). I am above average looking, outgoing, make good grades and I don't think i have a bad personality . I have been asked out a lot but i am only attracted to him. I am a really patient person and I can wait for him as much as he becomes comfortable with me.And I am more than happy to get to know him and start off as a friend. But he doesn't even talk me when we are together. So, hanging out with him outside of the school is out of question :( .Whenever i meet him in library, he will just answers whatever i ask him and he looks uncomfortable when i am around. So, i am starting to believe that i am bothering him and about to give up on him. Sigh~~~~~~~

P.S i don't think he is socially awkward since he seems to be very normally and friendly around other people( both male and female), even though he stays home 24/7 and never go out( i have no problem with his lifestyle at all, i like him just the way he is). So, yeah... maybe he just doesn't like me?? I don't mind doing all the work like chasing, initiating,etc. , i just want to make sure that i am not bothering him.
 
Last edited:

Answers and Replies

  • #2
2,685
22
I really like this average looking nerdy guy
Well, you better hope he doesn't frequent PF.
With him, i have to do the "chase", i initiate phone calls( twice a week only, so i don't think that is being clingy), conservation, meeting him at the library etc.
It could be seen as clingy if he doesn't like you that much and altogether you overdo it.
but replies all my text though
That's called being polite.
have good personality as well.
Based on what? You? Others? Surely it's what he thinks that matters there, no one else (not even yourself).
But he doesn't even talk me when we are together. So, hanging out with him outside of the school is out of question
That doesn't sound promising.
Whenever i meet him in library, he will just answers whatever i ask him and he looks uncomfortable when i am around. So, i am starting to believe that i am bothering him and about to give up on him. Sigh~~~~~~~
Well it could be that he likes you and is just shy...... but then I'd be more inclined to say he isn't interested based on everything else you say.
P.S i don't think he is socially awkward since he seems to be very normally and friendly around other people( both male and female),
As above.
even though he stays home 24/7 and never go out
It isn't Eden_Dzeko from the other thread is it?
I don't mind doing all the work like chasing, initiating,etc. , i just want to make sure that i am not bothering him.
It shouldn't be one sided.
 
  • #3
turbo
Gold Member
3,077
45
Ask him in for a meal, and share a bottle of wine. This is not rocket-science.
 
  • #4
1
0
jarednjames, I am thinking about giving up on him as well. thanks for encouragement lol
 
  • #5
2,685
22
jarednjames, I am thinking about giving up on him as well. thanks for encouragement lol
That's what I'm here for! :wink:

Seriously though, it doesn't sound good.

Regardless, I agree with turbo. Ask him out, see what he says. If he says no, you haven't lost anything.
 
  • #6
turbo
Gold Member
3,077
45
Nerdy guys can be nice. Nerdy guys can be dull and uninteresting. Though you never know what you'll find when a Nerdy Guy opens up.
 
  • #7
1
0
turbo-1, i already tried, the problem is he refused to eat in front of me which i don't know why @_@. Last time we went to have lunch together, he was just sitting there watching me eat. lol
 
  • #8
2,685
22
turbo-1, i already tried, the problem is he refused to eat in front of me which i don't know why @_@. Last time we went to have lunch together, he was just sitting there watching me eat. lol
That's just weird.

The fact you've already been out and it's gone nowhere should tell you all you need to know.
 
  • #9
1
0
Maybe he has financial problem and can't afford a date? You know, He always brings lunch box to school and i have never seen him buy anything in the cafeteria.
 
  • #10
2,685
22
How old are you? I don't know many adults who would have a problem with a lunchbox and neither do I know any kids (<11) that would. Which to me says you're in your early teens.

Anyhow, it sounds like your clutching at straws here.

Just tell him how you feel. Ask him out on a date - not lunch in school.

EDIT: I always had a lunch box in school, nothing financial about it. I had a phobia of the school meals.
 
  • #11
lisab
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
1,887
616
Maybe he has financial problem and can't afford a date? You know, He always brings lunch box to school and i have never seen him buy anything in the cafeteria.
Maybe you could bring a box lunch and suggest eating together?

But I have to be honest here, it doesn't look promising.
 
  • #12
2,685
22
Maybe you could bring a box lunch and suggest eating together?
I was going to suggest that, but given it already appears she might look like she's stalking him (if he's taking it that way) then it probably wouldn't go down well.
 
  • #13
1
0
Jarednjames, hahaha...... i'm no teenager hon, i'm 21 and we both are in college. lol
lunchbox thing is just a guess :D
here is the story, i already told you about how he just sat there and watched me eat right?Then when i'm done eating and about to leave for my class, he started eating lol. It happened two times already. BTW, that lunch thing wasn't a date, we just happened to meet at my college cafeteria during lunch hour. So, yeah...i have never asked him out yet, and i don't think i should. lol
 
  • #14
2,685
22
So, yeah...i have never asked him out yet, and i don't think i should. lol
Then you're never going to get anywhere with him.

Sorry to be blunt, but if you ain't gonna do it and he certainly won't, then it isn't going to happen.

Sat and watched you eat? I have a picture of him sat there looking terrified at 'random' girl who just perched on his table, "what the hell is she doing?" style. Then you leave, "finally she's gone".
 
  • #15
1
0
Jarednjames, lol i'm not a random girl to him btw. We know each other and have common friends as well. Oh about common friends, i can't get help from them since they are asking me out. So yeah :D
 
  • #16
2,685
22
Didnt' say get help from anyone. You don't need it.

Previous post stands.
 
  • #17
lily012, I think you may want to engage him in something he truly enjoys. Find out what he likes to do and ask him about it. Try and find out who he is. Then he might feel conflicted as to whether he likes you or not, so, I guess it's good you have patience. :] I guess, once you grow on him he'll start to feel bad when you're not around.
 
  • #18
1,564
6
I would just get strait to the point and ask him out. If he's interested great, if not oh well. From the sounds of it there's a good chance he may be gay anyway.
 
  • #19
1
0
I hope not :(
 
  • #20
1,679
3
Courtships where the man doesn't persue you are generally doomed.

Date one of the men who is persuing you. If the man you like has one or more nuts and does like you, he'll do something to let you know.
 
  • #21
1
0
Courtships where the man doesn't persue you are generally doomed.

Date one of the men who is persuing you. If the man you like has one or more nuts and does like you, he'll do something to let you know.

you know, i am into shy and very polite guy like him only and those guys don't usually pursue girls. Since they are usually really afraid of rejection and that mean they care what you think unlike some cocky macho jerks. And that is the reason why i like guy like him :D
 
  • #22
1,679
3
you know, i am into shy and very polite guy like him only and those guys don't usually pursue girls. Since they are usually really afraid of rejection and that mean they care what you think unlike some cocky macho jerks. And that is the reason why i like them :D
I know you mean well, but you are mistaken about the nature of shy men. First, politeness has nothing to do with it. A man who is afraid of rejection is afraid of other things too. Like sticking up for his woman's interests in the face of authority. You won't be very attracted to him when he sides with his mother against you as an example.

Please don't be offended, And if you really are female, I apologize but you sound like a shy male to me. Women normally have a natural and healthy aversion to men who are too shy to approach women; these men may also be too weak to ask for a raise, to scared to confront a mugger, and so one. It's one thing to be hesitant because you think a woman is special so you don't want to say the wrong thing. This feeling should last less than a minute before a socially successful strategy is formed for approaching you. If it takes longer than that, the man is not being a man but a boy.

Weakness or excessive hesitation should not be an attractive trait in a man to a woman, ever. It makes me think you're a shy man fishing for reassurance.
 
  • #23
1
0
I know you mean well, but you are mistaken about the nature of shy men. First, politeness has nothing to do with it. A man who is afraid of rejection is afraid of other things too. Like sticking up for his woman's interests in the face of authority. You won't be very attracted to him when he sides with his mother against you as an example.

Please don't be offended, And if you really are female, I apologize but you sound like a shy male to me. Women normally have a natural and healthy aversion to men who are too shy to approach women; these men may also be too weak to ask for a raise, to scared to confront a mugger, and so one. It's one thing to be hesitant because you think a woman is special so you don't want to say the wrong thing. This feeling should last less than a minute before a socially successful strategy is formed for approaching you. If it takes longer than that, the man is not being a man but a boy.

Weakness or excessive hesitation should not be an attractive trait in a man to a woman, ever. It makes me think you're a shy man fishing for reassurance.
Hahahaha.... I truly is a woman babe ;) lol
I do realize how i am attracted to guys who most girls will over look. You know, when i was younger, i only date good looking and confident guys. At first, they are exciting,romantic and stuff but after awhile self-adoring brains of them became really annoying. So yeah, i got tired of being with them.
 
  • #24
1,679
3
You are describing men who aren't gentlemen.

Find a smart handsome gentleman and you will feel pity for the shy man and lucky for yourself.

(the definition of a gentleman is someone who make those around him feel at ease.)
 
  • #25
Drakkith
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
20,988
4,805
I'd ask him out on a date if you feel that way about him. That way he knows exactly what it will be and what to expect. Maybe he is just nervous around you. I know i used to be kinda like that with people I had a crush on. Could be scared to text you first.

I'd ask him out for a date and then discuss things with him. If it turns out he isn't interested in you, then you know you can stop wasting time with him.
 

Related Threads on Please give me some advices on how to date a nerdy guy?

  • Last Post
Replies
11
Views
3K
  • Last Post
2
Replies
26
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
7
Views
1K
Replies
25
Views
4K
  • Last Post
Replies
7
Views
4K
  • Last Post
33
Replies
824
Views
386K
  • Last Post
3
Replies
66
Views
8K
  • Poll
  • Last Post
Replies
19
Views
4K
  • Last Post
Replies
8
Views
1K
Top