Collection of Science Jokes P2

[davenn]

It is that time of year again:

View attachment 254271​

you missed part of it …….

 

[mfb]

Are they complex trees or real trees?

 

[fresh_42]

Are they complex trees or real trees?

T(h)ree adic trees

 

[Ibix]

Oh xmas tree, oh ymas tree,
Your boughs can teach a lesson.
With normal trees, and right hand rule,
For geometry, you are a tool
Oh xmas tree, oh ymas tree,
Your boughd can teach a lesson.

 

[DennisN]

Are they complex trees or real trees?

I don't know, but I think they can be integrated and derived with some assumptions.
Let the christmas tree function c be a function of time, c(t), then

for t < Christmas Day, \int_{0}^{Christmas Day} c(t)dt=

for t <= Christmas Day, c(t)=

for Christmas Day < t < New Year's Eve, c&#039;(t)=

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

Oh dear, that means I'll have to rearrange this equation yet again.$$
y = \frac{1}{r^2} \ln \left( \frac{X}{m} - sa\right)
$$

Spoiler: If you don't get it

$$\begin{eqnarray*}
r^2y&=&\ln\left(\frac Xm-sa\right)\\
e^{rry}&=&\frac Xm-as\\
me^{rry}&=&X-mas\end{eqnarray*}$$

 

[DennisN]

Merry Christmas!

 

[mfb]

Chromium+Iodine+Sulfur+Thulium+Arsenic

Spoiler

Cr+I+S+Tm+As

 

[collinsmark]

<br /> y = \frac{\ln \left( \frac{x}{m} - as \right)}{r^2}<br />
<br /> r^2y = \ln \left( \frac{x}{m} - as \right)<br />
<br /> e^{r^2 y} = \frac{x}{m} - as<br />
<br /> e^{r^2 y} + as = \frac{x}{m}<br />
<br /> m \left( e^{r^2 y} + as \right)= x<br />
<br /> me^{r^2 y} + mas = x<br />
<br /> me^{rry} = x - mas<br />

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

 

[Borg]

If Statistics were a donkey, that would be a political cartoon.

 

[mfb]

What do these people have in common?
Olympic athletes, boxers, married people, group theorists

Spoiler

Rings

 

[fresh_42]

What do these people have in common?
Olympic athletes, boxers, married people, group theorists

Spoiler

Rings

... and Tolkien, token, tokamak, CERN
... and geometry, differential geometry, algebra, topology, logic,
... and of course ABBA and Bell

 

[fresh_42]

NASA has been determined to go high up in the sky by all means!

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 255074

Needs a Punchline!

 

[fresh_42]

Needs a Punchline!

Well, it's NASA employees calculating a trajectory in 1961.

Maybe, not the best one, but added.

 

[BillTre]

Too bad their heads are not in a perfect line.
I expect better from NASA.
Non-Linearlity is Not An Option!

 

[mfb]

If that's supposed to be linear then their spacecraft probably crashed somewhere.

 

[Tom.G]

If that's supposed to be linear then their spacecraft probably crashed somewhere.

X-axis= Trial Launch No.
Y-axis= Maximum vehicle altitude (aka time to failure)

 

[mfb]

They gained about 3 meters in 5 trials. Extrapolating, attempt number 170,000 or so will reach space.

 

[davenn]

CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

 

[gmax137]

remember the AOL uninstall instructions? "If you don't want to not uninstall, enter 'yes' now."

 

[davenn]

remember the AOL uninstall instructions?

Being outside of the USA, I wasn't aware of that one haha

 

[Ibix]

Never anthropomorphise computers. They hate it if you do.

 

[fresh_42]

Never anthropomorphise computers. They hate it if you do.

Sometimes it is even damaging for people! A guy in TX once shot his computer out of frustration. A feeling most of us users can share. They had put him in a psychiatry. So do not shoot at things in the US. < ... censored ... >

 

[Ibix]

Sometimes it is even damaging for people! A guy in TX once shot his computer out of frustration. A feeling most of us users can share. They had put him in a psychiatry. So do not shoot at things in the US. < ... censored ... >

There was a story on the Daily WTF about someone demanding a warranty repair for a computer with shotgun damage. Very glad that she'd phoned, rather than showing up in the shop shotgun in hand they said they doubted it was repairable, and anyway it wasn't warranted bulletproof. Eventually she went away, but a week later called in triumph to tell them that another shop had repaired her computer, and how she was taking all her business there etcetera. They managed to get the name of the other shop, and it turned out they knew someone there, so rang to ask for their side of the story.

Apparently they'd just seen an opportunity and said that they'd see what they could do and warned her it might be expensive. Then they'd discovered that the hard drive in that particular model was at the bottom of the case, and she'd hit it high enough that the drive had survived the otherwise almost complete destruction of the machine. So they swapped the hard drive into a new machine and sold it to her, billing it as a repair.

 

[davenn]

 

[mfb]

Celsius could never treat Fahrenheit like an adult, because Fahrenheit becoming 50 was like 10 to Celsius.

 

[davenn]

In the "light" of this thread ...
https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/betelgeuse-unusual-dimming-ready-to-supernova.982440/

was tempted to post in that thread

 

[Ibix]

"If you believe in psychokinetic powers, please raise my hand."

-Steven Wright, Kurt Vonnegut, and Emo Philips-

@berkeman telepathically influenced me to repost that here (I think it counts as a science joke).

 

[fresh_42]

"If you believe in psychokinetic powers, please raise my hand."

Easy. @berkeman have you found the five hundred dollars on top of the cupboard in the kitchen?

 

[davenn]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ibix]

"High impedance air gap" - I'm going to remember that one.

 

[WWGD]

I don't think the prime factorization problem can be solved, but then again, I am not (Peter) Shor...

 

[mfb]

SpaceX uses "rapid unscheduled disassembly" for "it blew up".

We'll get a rapid scheduled disassembly in a week (in-flight abort test of the capsule, the remaining rocket is expected to blow up afterwards).

 

[jack action]

Who wants to do a vehicle dynamics analysis for a new concept?

 

[Keith_McClary]

Who wants to do a vehicle dynamics analysis for a new concept?

It looks to me like the camper wheel is stuck against the pump island curb.

 

[mfb]

Who wants to do a vehicle dynamics analysis for a new concept?

Sounds like a homework problem. When the car accelerates at 3 m/s² in a straight line, what is the initial torque at the front connection? Which part hits the ground first, and at which speed?

 

[Ibix]

Sounds like a homework problem. When the car accelerates at 3 m/s² in a straight line, what is the initial torque at the front connection? Which part hits the ground first, and at which speed?

...and calculate the rise in his insurance premiums when it happens. Express your answer using standard form.

 

[Tom.G]

Would love to watch him (trying) to back that camper into make the utility hookups!

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

I hope they don't go for a coffee break and drink the contents of a petri dish.

 

[fresh_42]

Did you know that you can't get astronomers for speeding?
No astronomer has ever been faster than 0.00004.

 

[mfb]

As seen by some of the particles they study astronomers are traveling at over 99.9999% the speed of light.

 

[Keith_McClary]

The Multiple Universes Theory perfectly explains those photos of me with another woman, Linda – by Professor H.H. Montgomery
ERIC TURKIENICZ, The Beaverton

 

[davenn]