Best Pickup Lines: Two Funny Ones to Try

[NeoDevin]

To pick up most engineers, I think all you really need to do is be female and willing.

And in some cases, even those two points may be optional.

 

[Topher925]

I hope you don't use any of those lines you've posted, they're all horrible.

I think the problem you have with meeting women is that you have a terrible attitude and misconceptions about women that are very obvious.

I've used them on occasion but only to get a laugh. I don't think anyone has ever taken them seriously.

And my problem with meeting women is that my standards are to high and I'm to stubborn to settle. I only have three simple criteria that a girl would have to meet in order for me to actually be interested in them. So far, none of them have met all three.

 

[BobG]

I've used them on occasion but only to get a laugh. I don't think anyone has ever taken them seriously.

And my problem with meeting women is that my standards are to high and I'm to stubborn to settle. I only have three simple criteria that a girl would have to meet in order for me to actually be interested in them. So far, none of them have met all three.

I only have one. She has to be able to lick the outside of her elbow.

 

[NeoDevin]

I only have three simple criteria that a girl would have to meet in order for me to actually be interested in them. So far, none of them have met all three.

Female, alive, and willing? Or is that aiming too high?

 

[Topher925]

Female, alive, and willing? Or is that aiming too high?

Thats aiming little high, but that's the only requirements for me to go home with them.

For me to actually be interested in an actual relationship with them they have to be ambitious, intelligent, and an atheist.

 

[WaveJumper]

Thats aiming little high, but that's the only requirements for me to go home with them.

For me to actually be interested in an actual relationship with them they have to be ambitious, intelligent, and an atheist.

Atheist? Is that as important as intelligent? Didn't Einstein believe in an impersonal God? I bet Stephen Hawking and Michio Kaku believe as well. But well, that'd be a funny pick up line if you tell the chick she must be an atheist.

 

[Evo]

Atheist? Is that as important as intelligent? Didn't Einstein believe in an impersonal God? I bet Stephen Hawking and Michio Kaku believe as well. But well, that'd be a funny pick up line if you tell the chick she must be an atheist.

No, Einstein stated that he was agnostic in several letters that he wrote. It seems Hawking is listed as agnostic or atheist.

 

[moose]

They might not have worked on you, but they worked. Not to score, but to get closer to a lady that you will see again in the future, and maybe get together.

A whole lot more genteel and "couth" than buying a lady a drink after complimenting her rack and asking how she likes her eggs cooked.

You get closer to a lady AFTER she's already attracted to you. When I first meet a girl I am energetic flirty fun adventurous etc etc. Then after a few minutes of just being playful, you can start dropping slight compliments (and I do mean slight). If you compliment a girl before she's fully drawn to you, she won't respond too well.

EDIT:

You do realize that knowing a famous man's biography inside out is kind of pathetic? You think by replicating Einstein's or Feynman's life you will somehow become them? I mean I can see how you would be smarter if you studied same subjects they did, but using same pickup lines and adapting same habits will not make you them. You either have it or you don't and that is exactly the point of this thread - if you can't pick up a woman then no pickup line can help you

I also remember what Cyrus mentioned from Surely Youre Joking Mr Feynman... Doesn't mean I sit there memorizing his biography.

EDIT2:

When I say a 'bar', I mean atmosphere - .98692 atmospheres to be exact.

HAHAHAHahahahahahahaha!

 

[DEW]

Well the basic problem for us ladies, as far as I see it, is that you can't earn more than your man, you can't be more intelligent than your man and you definitely definitely can't be better educated than him. Men just can't take it

 

[JasonRox]

Hmmm, that's a good question. Warehouses with dog agility training events is one option, but it's not exactly a very daring social excursion.

Turbo had a suggestion that actually works pretty well in this area of the country (he's not the first person I've heard this from).



It's not quite so archaic around here, except they actually have contra dancing, which is a little bit different (a little more international flavor) and they don't have them in barns.

The plusses are:
Contra dancing is not the same as country line dancing.
Contra dance groups receive absolutely no funding from Oliver North.
We do not wear costumes (except on Halloween) or any particular style of clothes. (I think this might mean nude dancing, but I'm not sure since I've never actually seen a contra dance).
Contra dance is a form of dance that thrusts a different person of the opposite sex into your arms every 30 seconds or so.
Contra dancers make eye contact whenever possible. Remember: they're gazing into your eyes not because they love you but because they want to make the connection, and they don't want to throw up on you. (partners considerate enough not to throw up on you is a very big plus).

So the options are:

Hillside Community Center

or (if willing to go out of town):
http://www.stellardaysandnights.org/valerie.htm

Man, that's going to be really hard to choose between those two options.

Um... I never said it was about meeting people.

I rarely ever get too far with a girl at a bar. I'll meet girls in elevators sometimes.

As long as you don't leave under a rock (physically and mentally), you will meet people.

I like nice bars because they are fun. That's it.

 

[JasonRox]

Oh, and I have no pick-up lines. Sucks for me I guess.

 

[Topher925]

Oh, and I have no pick-up lines. Sucks for me I guess.

Then you should let me be your wingman.

 

[Math Is Hard]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

 

[cristo]

I got free passes to this sick bar...

http://www.libertygroup.com/c_lounge/c_lounge.html

Check out the Fire and Ice Lounge.

Wow, that place looks awesome (sorry.. I'm a bit late to this thread!)

 

[SticksandStones]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

The wingman distracts the target's friends, pretending to show interest in them, and always building up their friend's reputation. If the target takes a liking to the wingman, the wingman is supposed to deflect all compliments to his buddy.
"Me? Good looking? Nah I look like crap most of the time, my buddy here he told me what I should wear."
"You like Modest Mouse? You know who loves Modest Mouse? so and so."
Whether or not it *works* is another story.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I don't remember if I used a pickup line on Tsu, but she uses one on me all the time. She says, "Hey, pick that up!".

 

[Andre]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

Simple, a wingman is a pilot who supports another in a potentially dangerous flying environment.

Alternately another wingman:

Oops wrong thread.

 

[BobG]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

When the "pointman" wants to hit on a girl in a bar, the wingman introduces himself to the girl's friend first, showing he's desparate (from another thread) and ensuring his own rejection. While he's busy being rejected, the "pointman" happens to see his old friend, "wingman", who introduces "pointman" to the girls, only one of whom is currently unoccupied (the girl the "pointman" wanted to hit on in the first place).

The wingman spends the rest of the night performing menial tasks, such as recalling anecdotes that make the pointman look good, reminding the pointman of the target girl's name, etc.

This works really well if the target girl has a wingwoman that plans on humiliating any subpar guys that hit on the pointwoman. The wingman's actions make the wingwoman think she's saving the pointwoman from a dud, not realizing the pointman is slipping in under the radar.

Things get really confusing if the target is actually the wingwoman and the wingman hits on the pointwoman instead of the wingwoman. With chafe and ECCM, the wingman and pointman at least have a chance of escaping the encounter alive.

 

[moose]

What exactly does a "wingman" do, anyway? I never understood that.

Having a wingman always ups your confidence and for people who have approach anxiety, it usually helps them out a lot to have a wingman.

A wingman really isn't necessary but can technically help in some cases. Now, having a wing woman is amazing.

 

[Evo]

I'll let you guys in on a secret. When a group of girls go to a bar/club, they scope out all of the men and call dibs. So if Cindy calls dibs on the guy I want, no matter what happens or what that guy does, I am required to snub him all night. So, even though he might have been my dream man, to remain friends with Cindy, I have to act uninterested and talk about Cindy's great qualities. No Pointman or Wingman or Pacman is going to get the object of his desire if she didn't call dibs on him first.

I figured out this rule quickly and would only go out with girlfriends that disliked the type of guys I liked and vice versa. For example Moonbear and I would be great at cruising bars together since we like opposite types of men, physically.

 

[noumed]

When a group of girls go to a bar/club, they scope out all of the men and call dibs. No Pointman or Wingman or Pacman is going to get the object of his desire if she didn't call dibs on him first.

So that explains why most girls travel in packs, dance in a circle, and shield each other away from men trying to dance with you.

 

[moose]

I'll let you guys in on a secret. When a group of girls go to a bar/club, they scope out all of the men and call dibs. So if Cindy calls dibs on the guy I want, no matter what happens or what that guy does, I am required to snub him all night. So, even though he might have been my dream man, to remain friends with Cindy, I have to act uninterested and talk about Cindy's great qualities. No Pointman or Wingman or Pacman is going to get the object of his desire if she didn't call dibs on him first.

I figured out this rule quickly and would only go out with girlfriends that disliked the type of guys I liked and vice versa. For example Moonbear and I would be great at cruising bars together since we like opposite types of men, physically.

I tend to approach mere seconds after first seeing a girl/group of girls. In that case I don't think dibs can be called fast enough. However if I'm busy then I guess dibs can be called on me...

I'm curious whether girls I know do this. I am about to send some text messages...

 

[Evo]

So that explains why most girls travel in packs, dance in a circle, and shield each other away from men trying to dance with you.

I tend to approach mere seconds after first seeing a girl/group of girls. In that case I don't think dibs can be called fast enough. However if I'm busy then I guess dibs can be called on me...

I'm curious whether girls I know do this. I am about to send some text messages...

I'm nearsighted and Cindy has eyes like a hawk. She would call dibs on guys I couldn't even see yet.

 

[Moonbear]

"My FICO score is 850 and I drive a Porsche. Would you like to go for some champagne on my yacht?"

That line .. yea.. that very line.. if all elements are true, it works

Show me a credit report, bank statement, and title to the car and yacht to prove it, and I'll let you stay and talk to me.

Ladies ONLY:

If a guy says 'you have the most bla bla bla eyes' at a bar would you even give him 5 mins of your time?

Of course I would. Humor is always good to break the ice. It either has to be clear that he's joking, or I have to be so drunk I'd talk to anyone and everyone.

It's hard having conversations when people live in vastly different places from one another. Where you live, where I live, and where turbo live, it's hard to talk on the same page because things are so fundamentally different.

When I say a 'bar'. I mean this:

http://www.eaw.com/frontrow/Lotus%20Open%201.jpg

I prefer bars with people in them. I don't go to the expensive places like that...just a bunch of overpriced drinks and snooty people who think they're too good for people who would go to the local neighborhood bar. And, everyone in those snooty bars is on the prowl. Folks in the neighborhood bar sometimes wander in just to have a drink, watch a game, grab a bite to eat, and maybe make a friend or two chatting with other patrons.

I don't remember if I used a pickup line on Tsu, but she uses one on me all the time. She says, "Hey, pick that up!".

Actually, I still remember the conversation from when I first met my boyfriend (the first time I met him, many years ago). The waitress asked me how I wanted to order my steak, and I answered, "Rare." My now boyfriend turned to me and said, "A woman after my own heart." Later in the evening I tried to go after it with the steak knife. The rest is history.

I'll let you guys in on a secret. When a group of girls go to a bar/club, they scope out all of the men and call dibs. So if Cindy calls dibs on the guy I want, no matter what happens or what that guy does, I am required to snub him all night. So, even though he might have been my dream man, to remain friends with Cindy, I have to act uninterested and talk about Cindy's great qualities. No Pointman or Wingman or Pacman is going to get the object of his desire if she didn't call dibs on him first.

I figured out this rule quickly and would only go out with girlfriends that disliked the type of guys I liked and vice versa. For example Moonbear and I would be great at cruising bars together since we like opposite types of men, physically.

I've never called dibs on guys when going out with my friends...hmm...maybe that's why they always got all the guys.

 

[Cyrus]

I prefer bars with people in them. I don't go to the expensive places like that...just a bunch of overpriced drinks and snooty people who think they're too good for people who would go to the local neighborhood bar. And, everyone in those snooty bars is on the prowl. Folks in the neighborhood bar sometimes wander in just to have a drink, watch a game, grab a bite to eat, and maybe make a friend or two chatting with other patrons.

What you're talking about is a sports bar. I don't go to sports bars because I don't watch sports (sorry, I aint a real man). The bars I go to don't serve any food either. Usually when I go to a bar its because my friend is DJing there, and so I get in for free ($20.00 cover charge), and I don't have to wait in line if there is one. I usually have one drink when I go there because I don't go to the bar to drink, so the whole night ends up costing me on the order of less than $10.00. My friend DJs house music, so its always a bunch of tall european girls there from Russia, Ukraine, etc. They also require that you dress nice to get in.

When I go, Its because my friends DJing and a bunch of my friends show up and we dance and have fun. The more you go, the more people you see there as 'locals' too, so you make new friends.

Contrary to turbo's belief, I don't go there looking for a 'potential mate'. I just go there to have fun.

 

[JasonRox]

I prefer bars with people in them. I don't go to the expensive places like that...just a bunch of overpriced drinks and snooty people who think they're too good for people who would go to the local neighborhood bar. And, everyone in those snooty bars is on the prowl. Folks in the neighborhood bar sometimes wander in just to have a drink, watch a game, grab a bite to eat, and maybe make a friend or two chatting with other patrons.

Snooty people and things? They have those everywhere. I met lots of cool girls that have way more money than me. It has never stopped them from conversing with me because I'm not holding a drink in my hand, and not buying any.

I'm usually outside on the patio chatting, in the lounge chatting. I really don't dance much at all.

 

[mcknia07]

Ok, so are wingmen for insecure guys, then? Like, they can't get a girl on their own, so they have to friend to boost their confidence...and get a girl for them...

 

[JasonRox]

Ok, so are wingmen for insecure guys, then? Like, they can't get a girl on their own, so they have to friend to boost their confidence...and get a girl for them...

I hate wingmen.

I only know of two I would trust. The first I had to like... be tough on him because he would do things I hated. He started listening, and it started working much much better. But usually, you're on your own. So much better.

 

[mcknia07]

Men, that try to get a girl on their own, shows so much more confidence, I think. It makes a guy more attractive, whether they are (physically) or not.

 

[JasonRox]

Of course, but there is also a down side if you have no friends around. Girls like social status and such. Having friends is a display of status.

 

[mcknia07]

Ok, that is very true too. We don't want a loser,

 

[JasonRox]

Ok, that is very true too. We don't want a loser,

Then you have fashion, like Cyrus said and so on and so on and so on.

I don't particularly think girls look at fashion but it surely does help. I like to look good, so that's why I do it. I like to keep my room clean and the list goes on.

The biggest thing is to have good character. Some math majors say that being a math major is a turn off for girls. Really? Most girls I met liked it. First, they think I'm smart. Second, they're like... he's smart and fun. And third, he's passionate about what he does. I show that I love mathematics and how beautiful it really is. That's why I'm studying it. That's me. That's part of my life. I'm not doing it because I'm uncertain, I'm doing it because I love it.

Essentially, you have amongst the top 3 things already that girls look for in a guy, in terms of character and such. And the list builds on because (read psychology) smart can be associated with responsible, well-brought up, and fun as open minded and adventurous, and passionate as emotionally alive!

So really, it's a win win scenario. The only time being a math major is a turn off is when you come off as someone who's lacking confidence, insecure, and so on. Then you fall directly in the category of what girls think of math people... not good.

But when you come off as confident, euthiastic and such, it throws them off a little. Girls like that.

I rarely put a girl in a position to ask me what program I'm in or whatever at the beginning of the conversation. It usually happens later when she's got interest. I remember one time my friend was kind of annoyed of the question or something, not sure. I guess he was thinking it was going nowhere. So, like usual, I think let's have fun. I tell her to guess mine... obviously way off. They always guess something like business (popular). Then I'm like.. "Let me guess your program. But first, you need to spin around so I can get a good look of you, and make a good guess." Haha, my friend liked that. I even stopped her half way. ;) And after that, how bad your guess is never really matters. If you get it right, bonus points... why? Read psychology. Exercise of the day.

 

[moose]

By the time a girl finds out I'm a physics major, it always makes her more interested in me than before. This is true even if she hates physics. To most people science = smart (whether its true or not). If you are an interesting fun guy, and show none of the stereotypical science nerd personality traits, then having them think you're smart always helps. If you don't believe me, imagine some guy who is the life of the party, a super fun outgoing confident man. Someone who's wanted by most females. Now imagine finding out that he's studying some scientific field!

So, like usual, I think let's have fun. I tell her to guess mine... obviously way off. They always guess something like business (popular). Then I'm like.. "Let me guess your program. But first, you need to spin around so I can get a good look of you, and make a good guess." Haha, my friend liked that. I even stopped her half way. ;) And after that, how bad your guess is never really matters. If you get it right, bonus points... why? Read psychology. Exercise of the day.

Holy **** that's perfect. When I have a girl do a spin, I usually slap her *** and say "that's all you get, don't get any ideas". Sounds stupid but has always worked for me (note: probably* don't do it right when you first meet her...). Psychologically, if you get hers correct, does it build rapport or...?

*there are exceptions to everything

 

[mcknia07]

Fashion is always a plus in my eyes. Some of the guys, ok well...most of the guys in my Physics and engineering classes, I want to say, "hey let me help you pick something out and let's go shopping". They wear some of the ugliest clothing ever, most of the girls I know, if you dress like a bumb, they won't even look at you(sad but very true). (So *hint* wear better looking and more stylish clothes, you will look sexier and make sure to act confident)

 

[mgb_phys]

(So *hint* wear better looking and more stylish clothes, you will look sexier and make sure to act confident)

Jeans, scruffy trainers and nerd joke T shirts will never go out of fashion!

 

[mcknia07]

Jeans, scruffy trainers and nerd joke T shirts will never go out of fashion!

Oh I am afraid you might be wrong. Granted, they can be cute at times. Not all people will get them, ok, and to be honest, I don't get them most of the time. I tend to stare with a blank look. It takes a long time for me to get something, and most of the time it has to be explained. Even then, it hits me like 10 minutes after, and I randomly laugh, lol. Being blonde can do that

 

[Cyrus]

Jeans, scruffy trainers and nerd joke T shirts will never go out of fashion!

Oh, poor mgb_phys. If only they read "warning contains irony"....sigh.

 

[St. Aegis]

I dunno, jeans are hella stylish

 

[Cyrus]

hella stylish. Nice use of the english language.

 

[JasonRox]

By the time a girl finds out I'm a physics major, it always makes her more interested in me than before. This is true even if she hates physics. To most people science = smart (whether its true or not). If you are an interesting fun guy, and show none of the stereotypical science nerd personality traits, then having them think you're smart always helps. If you don't believe me, imagine some guy who is the life of the party, a super fun outgoing confident man. Someone who's wanted by most females. Now imagine finding out that he's studying some scientific field!



Holy **** that's perfect. When I have a girl do a spin, I usually slap her *** and say "that's all you get, don't get any ideas". Sounds stupid but has always worked for me (note: probably* don't do it right when you first meet her...). Psychologically, if you get hers correct, does it build rapport or...?

*there are exceptions to everything

Not sure if you're joking or not?

 

[Moonbear]

What you're talking about is a sports bar. I don't go to sports bars because I don't watch sports (sorry, I aint a real man).

No, I'm not talking about a sports bar, I'm talking about a local neighborhood bar. Sports bars are the bars plastered with TVs in every corner. I don't go to sports bars either, because nobody there wants to talk to anyone, they just want to sit and watch a game and drink their beer.

The best bar around here is the one where you'll come out smelling more like the grease from french fries than cigarette smoke. Great bar food there...completely unhealthy, but tasty. If you go with a small group of people, you can get a table, but aside from the actual bar, they also have a long table at bar height running the length of the room where people on their own can sit with other people...it's like sitting at the bar, except someone could actually sit across from you too, so makes it easier to strike up conversations with other people. Then again, even if you're sitting at a table there, you're not going to be left out of conversation. People regularly shout questions across the room there or strike up conversations with people at adjacent tables. It's nice. Everyone goes there to be friendly and have a good time. No pretenses, no obnoxious drunks (at least I've never seen any there), nobody prowling for hook-ups. It's also a place where there are no class boundaries. It doesn't just cater to students, or the yuppies, or blue collar workers, etc., it has everyone in there...it's a place where the university faculty can be equally comfortable with the custodial staff, or secretaries from local businesses, or the soccer mom, etc. It's nice. Just one TV, sometimes folks watch the game. But it's not like in a sports bar where they're glued to it. It's more something they glance up every so often to catch a score. Okay, the exception being on days when our football team is playing, but the whole town watches football those days, so even the mall is playing the game broadcast over their speakers.

Ok, so are wingmen for insecure guys, then? Like, they can't get a girl on their own, so they have to friend to boost their confidence...and get a girl for them...

I never heard the version they're supposed to boost up their buddy before this thread, and never experienced that. I'd be really turned off if a guy seemed to be hanging around with a puppy who could do nothing but brag about him. It would just seem weird. Usually, the version I've heard of, and seen, is more that the "wingman" converses with the less desireable of two women when there are only two out together. The idea is that it increases the chances of a guy getting the target if she isn't feeling bad about abandoning her friend, since her friend is also having a good time with a guy. It's not needed with larger groups of women, because singling one out won't leave the rest sitting around bored.

Of course, the hilarity begins when the "pointman" doesn't get his target, but the "wingman" ends up actually liking the one he's talking to and winds up dating her.

 

[fileen]

Ok, not a pick up line but it works. A friend of mine picks up girls by walking his dog up to campus, letting go of him, and then running around chasing him. He gets dozens of girls this way! It seems crazy but they just flock around him in attempt to catch fluffy and console the clearly upset hunky owner. He leaves with hundreds of numbers. Id like to say it wouldn't work for me, but I know it would. Cute little mutt being chased by hot single guy... yup that about does it for me.

 

[turbo]

You don't even have to go to those lengths. Dogs are incredible ice-breakers. One year in college, I lived across the street from some people who had a very smart and friendly springer spaniel, and they pretty much ignored him. I'd drop over and "kidnap" Bilbo and take him for long walks. He learned to heel very quickly and he would always come when I called him, so I didn't have to leash him. Spend an hour or so sitting on the library steps with a dog, and you'll meet more ladies (in a non-threatening environment) than you'll ever meet in a bar.

 

[Borek]

Jeans, scruffy trainers and nerd joke T shirts will never go out of fashion!

Oh I am afraid you might be wrong. Granted, they can be cute at times. Not all people will get them, ok, and to be honest, I don't get them most of the time. I tend to stare with a blank look. It takes a long time for me to get something, and most of the time it has to be explained. Even then, it hits me like 10 minutes after, and I randomly laugh, lol. Being blonde can do that

Depending on what one looks for ATM nerd joke T shirt may help in target preselection.

 

[SticksandStones]

I never heard the version they're supposed to boost up their buddy before this thread, and never experienced that. I'd be really turned off if a guy seemed to be hanging around with a puppy who could do nothing but brag about him. It would just seem weird.

Heh, well it's supposed to be more subtle than what I described.

 

[JasonRox]

You don't even have to go to those lengths. Dogs are incredible ice-breakers. One year in college, I lived across the street from some people who had a very smart and friendly springer spaniel, and they pretty much ignored him. I'd drop over and "kidnap" Bilbo and take him for long walks. He learned to heel very quickly and he would always come when I called him, so I didn't have to leash him. Spend an hour or so sitting on the library steps with a dog, and you'll meet more ladies (in a non-threatening environment) than you'll ever meet in a bar.

I found speaking french in public works best. Americans love it or atleast all the ones I met do.

 

[JasonRox]

Heh, well it's supposed to be more subtle than what I described.

What do you mean? Instead of whispering tips to you, you have an ear piece?

 

[BobG]

I hate wingmen.

I only know of two I would trust. The first I had to like... be tough on him because he would do things I hated. He started listening, and it started working much much better. But usually, you're on your own. So much better.

John Alden was a lousy wingman.
The Courtship of Miles Standish

 

[JasonRox]

He never learned to shut up.

 

[Evo]

I've never called dibs on guys when going out with my friends...hmm...maybe that's why they always got all the guys.

Did you ever go to meat markets with the sole purpose of hunting men? We weren't there because we wanted to listen to music or have drinks, we were on a mission.