Do Physical Appearance and Shared Interests Affect Attraction Equally?

[Loren Booda]

I know of too many guys who will not date a woman unless she is a Miss America stunner or willing to give to their favorite charity (sex). Otherwise, they would rather sit at home watching TV (the "Captain Jack" syndrome). I should know - I practiced this for years.

Here in Arlington there is a considerable surplus of ladies, most of them intelligent and many available. If I were not dedicated to my current girlfriend, I would have a wide choice of other good women with whom to have a meaningful relationship. As one gets to know them, the more attractive they become, and the more meaningful the prospect of intimacy.

Do you notice a similar pattern in your neck of the world?

 

[Evo]

I've noticed there aren't enough men worth dating in Kansas, at least not for an agnostic/atheist that has a vocabulary of more than 100 words with more than one syllable and can count without using their fingers.

 

[Mallignamius]

It works both ways. I had trouble getting a date back when my wallet wasn't thick and my car was rusted.

 

[JasonRox]

Girls are everywhere!

Well what you described is basically common sense when it comes to interacting with people. Some guys really do have high standards, but the funny part is that those guys end up alone or with a girl that will make you question if he has any standards at all.

Personally, I'm not really concerned for the males out there who don't know how to deal with women or interact with them or even get what they want. I just call them chumps or plugs. They really don't bother me much because it's not very difficult to get their girlfriends to break up with them.

 

[JasonRox]

It works both ways. I had trouble getting a date back when my wallet wasn't thick and my car was rusted.

Really? I find it easier!

I'm not a fan of guys who think it takes a wallet. The fact that a man can think this already puts a big dent in their character, don't you think?

 

[fourier jr]

It works both ways. I had trouble getting a date back when my wallet wasn't thick and my car was rusted.

so true... & women try to say they're not as superficial as men. they're just superficial about different things!

 

[JasonRox]

so true... & women try to say they're not as superficial as men. they're just superficial about different things!

I beg to defer, again.

I can tell girls that my plans are to go to graduate school and live below poverty for the next 3-4 years and that doesn't affect the situation at all. Seriously, even the super hot ones that everyone thinks are superficial.

So much bad perception going around, but like I said, it's my gain.

Note: If I sound arrogant, I'm not. I'm just trying to change perception because I honestly think different. Maybe it's just that I have character or something. I have no idea.

Oh, the one thing I noticed that girls absolutely love, even if they're dumb as a brick (but hot), is integrity. Even if they aren't aware of it, it's just a quality that sticks out because not many people have it. Or even the capacity of making them very comfortable.

My ex-gf had issues with depression and anxiety. She took drugs every now and then for it. She told me that I was the only escape for her from anxiety and depression. That's how strong my presence and comfort was around her. So strong, that I never found out about the issue until like 18 months into the relationship and she had to tell me. I would never have guessed because like she said, it doesn't show around me at all. We still talk and I wouldn't be surprised that she still enjoys that feeling.

My ex-gf before that also said something similiar. Could be in the worse mood, and I can just flip it around.

Keep in mind, both break ups were not bad at all. Walked away on strong ground with no grudges and most likely continued admiration. Never got into a fight with a girl or anything. Break ups just happen because it's just the way it is kind of thing.

A new female friend I made this year at school expressed the same feeling towards me. I only knew her like for a brief period and she just started spilling out a lot of stuff about her personal feelings and such. Things that she said that she never told anyone... not even her long time best friend. Her reason was that I handle everything with ease and an open mind for understanding, and the fact that I can bring comfort, just made her spill things out. One time I freaked out her though. That was funny. I cared for her too much not to.

Or my psychology nut friend says my body language is just naturally positive and that's what he believe gets girls to have crushes on me even if I don't do anything at all. I can't complain.

But as time goes by, I realize that some people have expressed a lot of feelings to me and shared a lot. From people on drugs telling me that I either motivated and somehow helped them quit, to a girl telling me her experience of getting raped.

I found it strange before, but now that I understand more about myself and after actually asking people why, I'm really happy about the traits that I have.

 

[Loren Booda]

It also seems that my gender is obsessed with shape (thus the prevalence of eating disorders among women) and age (the woman has to be younger than the guy).

 

[Mallignamius]

Really? I find it easier!

I'm not a fan of guys who think it takes a wallet. The fact that a man can think this already puts a big dent in their character, don't you think?

No, obviously I don't think that. Because that's not what I wrote.

I'm aware of the broad spectrum of people in our world. Some are superficial, some aren't. So speaking only from my experience, I've seen both sides of the shiny, dirty coin.

"If you don't put out, I'll put you out."

"If you ain't got the dime, I ain't got the time."

 

[fourier jr]

"If you don't put out, I'll put you out."

"If you ain't got the dime, I ain't got the time."

sad but true. & in the media we're always told the women actually LIKE having sex believe it or not & some even complain that they don't get enough! if that's the case i must hang out in all the wrong places or these women just don't exist.

 

[Mallignamius]

sad but true. & in the media we're always told the women actually LIKE having sex believe it or not & some even complain that they don't get enough! if that's the case i must hang out in all the wrong places or these women just don't exist.

Well, that's not what I meant, either. I was describing, I guess it could be called priorities. I have no doubt that they enjoy sex.

 

[JasonRox]

sad but true. & in the media we're always told the women actually LIKE having sex believe it or not & some even complain that they don't get enough! if that's the case i must hang out in all the wrong places or these women just don't exist.

IT'S SO TRUE! OMG!

Girls absolute love it. Man, you don't even know. You must literally be looking in the wrong places. I rarely go a week without it.

Where have you guys been?

 

[fourier jr]

Oh, the one thing I noticed that girls absolutely love, even if they're dumb as a brick (but hot), is integrity. Even if they aren't aware of it, it's just a quality that sticks out because not many people have it. Or even the capacity of making them very comfortable.

that i can understand. there are a lot of creeps & phonies around.

 

[JasonRox]

No, obviously I don't think that. Because that's not what I wrote.

I'm aware of the broad spectrum of people in our world. Some are superficial, some aren't. So speaking only from my experience, I've seen both sides of the shiny, dirty coin.

"If you don't put out, I'll put you out."

"If you ain't got the dime, I ain't got the time."

Then why focus on the bad part? The good part is way bigger, believe me.

 

[Mallignamius]

Then why focus on the bad part? The good part is way bigger, believe me.

I'm sorry, I wasn't focusing on any thing. I was just trying to add balance to the topic, "Foolish male pride." My only point is that, when we put every man and woman on the same scale, it all balances out.

 

[JasonRox]

I'm sorry, I wasn't focusing on any thing. I was just trying to add balance to the topic, "Foolish male pride." My only point is that, when we put every man and woman on the same scale, it all balances out.

I don't think so. The more I meet people and discuss the new social aspects opening up because women are becoming more independent the more I see that the males are falling behind.

I find that most males lack way more social skills than girls. There are so many girls out there that I can't even ponder of a reasonable excuse for a male not to be able to have a woman by his side. It's mind boggling.

The people that guys call player's are sometimes just regular guys with good social skills. That's really what it is.

 

[Mallignamius]

That's a current trend I also recognize in my part of the world.

But I'm describing the fundamental motives. As one society's standard of living improves, we see adjustments. Yet the attitudes will still linger for many people. So as one gender falls behind, they find a way to catch up. I expect that this is how it's always been.

 

[JasonRox]

That's a current trend I also recognize in my part of the world.

But I'm describing the fundamental motives. As one society's standard of living improves, we see adjustments. Yet the attitudes will still linger for many people. So as one gender falls behind, they find a way to catch up. I expect that this is how it's always been.

How long are males willing to wait?

I think in the new era where people can escape the need to deal with social interaction will make it much harder for males to ever catch up.

This is why I never really have conversations on MSN or on the phone. Want to talk to me? We have to get together. Not possible, then conversation not possible. I will not date anyone that lives too far away for that very reason.

 

[LightbulbSun]

Wow, is this topic rather biased. You'd expect now that women can't do anything wrong and that all males are *******s. Nice sweeping generalizations guys.

 

[Cyrus]

http://www.isrealli.org/wp-content/uploads/oprah.JPG

 

[fourier jr]

Wow, is this topic rather biased. You'd expect now that women can't do anything wrong and that all males are *******s. Nice sweeping generalizations guys.

i never said that...

 

[Loren Booda]

LightbulbSun

Wow, is this topic rather biased. You'd expect now that women can't do anything wrong and that all males are *******s. Nice sweeping generalizations guys.

My concerns were of some male friends who could be successful with women if they were to lower some of their unrealistic standards. The majority of gals in my community, although liberal, are traditional in the sense that they would initially express interest in a guy, but not serve as his fantasy.

Please share your observations of relationships in your experience.

 

[Smurf]

oh, cut it out you girls.

http://www.culture-buzz.com/IMG/jpg/viral_marketing_beer2.jpg

 

[moose]

sad but true. & in the media we're always told the women actually LIKE having sex believe it or not & some even complain that they don't get enough! if that's the case i must hang out in all the wrong places or these women just don't exist.

Uhh, a ton of girls love sex. Quite a lot of girls want sex more than most guys do.

 

[pivoxa15]

I know of too many guys who will not date a woman unless she is a Miss America stunner or willing to give to their favorite charity (sex). Otherwise, they would rather sit at home watching TV (the "Captain Jack" syndrome). I should know - I practiced this for years.

I thought I was the only one with this attitude. Looks like there are a few like me although I don't watch TV much. Instead I read books and do problems.

 

[gravenewworld]

I have noticed that the current generation of women in their early to late 20s are absolutely crazy and drive men up the wall with their stupid bad habits.

1.) why must you have our password for things like our email accounts, thefacebook.com, or myspace.com??

2.) why do you have to constantly call us on our cell phone 20x's a day?

3.) if men and women are equal these days, why do men have to pay for EVERYTHING on dates most of the time? We shouldn't have to blow our whole pay checks week after week while you sit back and enjoy fine free dinners all the time.

4.) why do women think they have the right to check our cell phones to see who called or text messaged us last? That is just a tad of some of the small things that young women are guilty of a lot of times, that when added up all together, drive men absolutely crazy. I live in a house with 3 other guys who are all pretty good looking, tall, very out going, and go on at least 1-2 dates per week with a different girl every time. The funny thing is, they all haven't had a steady gf for over two years! The biggest reason is that they say is that they have yet to find an emotionally stable girl who is mentally sane. I don't think it is that men are turned off by a woman's independence, men are simply turned off by the current plague of women who are extremely emotionally unstable and who have been raised on crap like Desperate Housewives and Cosmopolitan.

 

[radou]

Here in Arlington there is a considerable surplus of ladies, most of them intelligent and many available.

I'm moving to Arlington.

I've noticed there aren't enough men worth dating in Kansas, at least not for an agnostic/atheist that has a vocabulary of more than 100 words with more than one syllable and can count without using their fingers.

It's not just Kansas, it's everywhere.

Oh, the one thing I noticed that girls absolutely love, even if they're dumb as a brick (but hot), is integrity.

Absolutely right. Integrity and knowing what you want in your life, i.e. self confidence and character. It doesn't matter what you do, but if you do it in a self confident manner, they'll totally fall for it.

It also seems that my gender is obsessed with shape (thus the prevalence of eating disorders among women) and age (the woman has to be younger than the guy).

I disagree, it depends on the point of view. How come that the guy always has to be older than the woman?

I have noticed that the current generation of women in their early to late 20s are absolutely crazy and drive men up the wall with their stupid bad habits.

Oh man, come on, you just dated the wrong gal, that's all.

 

[ranger]

I know of too many guys who will not date a woman unless she is a Miss America stunner or willing to give to their favorite charity (sex). Otherwise, they would rather sit at home watching TV (the "Captain Jack" syndrome). I should know - I practiced this for years.

Eh? How is this "foolish male pride"?

Here in Arlington there is a considerable surplus of ladies, most of them intelligent and many available. If I were not dedicated to my current girlfriend, I would have a wide choice of other good women with whom to have a meaningful relationship. As one gets to know them, the more attractive they become, and the more meaningful the prospect of intimacy.

Do you notice a similar pattern in your neck of the world?

No, I don't notice this here, because women here are intelligent and don't have ungodly expectations from males.

 

[BobG]

I've noticed there aren't enough men worth dating in Kansas, at least not for an agnostic/atheist that has a vocabulary of more than 100 words with more than one syllable and can count without using their fingers.

There's nothing wrong with using your fingers to count. Hopefully they can count higher than 10, though.

 

[Moonbear]

My concerns were of some male friends who could be successful with women if they were to lower some of their unrealistic standards. The majority of gals in my community, although liberal, are traditional in the sense that they would initially express interest in a guy, but not serve as his fantasy.

First, this is not just a guy problem. As others have been attempting to point out, there are plenty of superficial women as well who will only date the "cute" guy (whatever their definition of cute is) or a rich guy, or one who is particularly thin or very built up with muscles, etc.

However, there isn't much point in trying to push them to be different. If they are superficial about relationships, then trying to pretend to be something else isn't going to work either.

Beyond that, I think people tend to be more superficial when they are still uninterested in relationships. If they aren't thinking about long-term commitment, and enjoy the unattached lifestyle, they may only want to be around the most physically attractive (to them) of the opposite sex (or same sex) to enjoy physical pleasures without any emotional attachment.

On the other hand, I have no problem with people setting very high standards (assuming that's what it is, and not unattainable standards...there is a difference). I have very high standards myself, and don't find any pleasure in being bored out of my mind talking to a guy with no brains just to add to my scorecard of dates. Likewise, if they are all about preening and clothing and body building, or whatever, and don't have any brains, what interest would they have in women who aren't equally into such preening and would want to talk about stuff that goes all over their heads.

And, yes, I've heard the same from other people too..."If you would just lower your standards, there are tons of single men you could date." What is the point of that? Why would someone lower their standards for dating? Is that so you can wind up with someone completely incompatible with you? What's the pleasure in that?

Some people want to have a date every Friday night, and will meet a new person every Wednesday just to make that Friday night date, and others are not that concerned about that and would rather go on a date once a year if that means they have found a higher quality person (for their own tastes) and haven't wasted a lot of time on ones that are never going to work out.

On the other hand, I've seen within this thread hints of a problem many people of both sexes have with meeting people who meet their standards, and that is that once they see someone who might be interesting to them, they start trying to guess at what the other person they have never met yet would want. "Someone that pretty would never want to talk to me," or "If he was interested in me, he'd already be here asking me out, so there's no point in me asking him." When two people keep eyeing each other from across the room and assuming the other would make the move if they were interested, and neither ends up making a move, then you're never going to meet anyone. You're never going to know if there's any potential between you and someone else if you don't walk up to them and start talking.

 

[turbo]

When two people keep eyeing each other from across the room and assuming the other would make the move if they were interested, and neither ends up making a move, then you're never going to meet anyone. You're never going to know if there's any potential between you and someone else if you don't walk up to them and start talking.

Exactly! My freshman year at college, we were required to use on-campus housing, which pretty much locked us into using the food service at the dorm complex, too, if only for the sake of convenience. A couple of times, I saw a very attractive, very tall blond at the dining hall, and I figured she was a freshman, too, since she didn't seem to know anybody. I figured "what the hell" and took my tray to her table and asked if I could sit with her, and she pulled out the chair next to her and said "I've been saving you a seat." We were inseparable after that, though we looked like Dudley Moore and Susan Anton when we walked hand-in-hand.

One should not assume that every datable, attractive person is aloof if they are quiet, nor should you assume from someone's appearance that you might not have much in common, etc. That type of negativism can prevent you from meeting the most compatible person in the room. I could have assumed that she would shoot me down, and "saved" myself the embarrassment and trouble - I'm really glad I broke the ice instead.

 

[gravenewworld]

Oh man, come on, you just dated the wrong gal, that's all.

Maybe, but it doesn't just seem to be me only though that is just dating the wrong types of women. I could write a very entertaining novel of some of the crazy crap girls have done to my roomates and me. Examples:

-the girl who called my roomate 3-4x's a week drunk at 3:30 AM crying on the phone wanting to talk

-the girl who got pissed off at my other roomate when he asked to go dutch on a dinner bill on the 8th date

-I also asked a girl to go dutch on a dinner bill once after the 6th date. She reluctantly did and told me that the last time she was asked to pay for some of the bill her ex-bf broke up with her. She then proceeded to hound me for 2.5 weeks about "What I really meant about going dutch on the bill" and about where our "relationship" was going.

-The one girl who my roomate went out with for two months (they were an official couple) and who proceeded to buy a wedding gown for their wedding in the future. As soon as she pulled that crap, my roomate dumped her crazy behind. She then harassed my roomate for 2 months trying to get him to pay for the gown.

-The one girl who my roomate met in NYC and who called to invite him up to visit. During the phone call though the girl revealed that she really liked my roomate but made it very clear that if my roomate came up to visit her "nothing physical was going to happen." Nothing physical was going to happen because she said she doesn't like to sleep with men who she is emotionally attached to, she only sleeps with guys she doesn't care about.

-The ex-gf of my roomate who took his car after he just broke up with her and parked it in a handicap zone so he would get a ticket.

-My brothers gf who went into his cell phone and put in a password to lock it so the only way he could make or receive a call is if she put in the password. She apparently did this so she could "monitor" his calls.



Yes I think there are very few sane women out there. There are TONS of more storeis that I have

 

[BobG]

Maybe, but it doesn't just seem to be me only though that is just dating the wrong types of women. I could write a very entertaining novel of some of the crazy crap girls have done to my roomates and me. Examples:

-the girl who called my roomate 3-4x's a week drunk at 3:30 AM crying on the phone wanting to talk

-the girl who got pissed off at my other roomate when he asked to go dutch on a dinner bill on the 8th date

-I also asked a girl to go dutch on a dinner bill once after the 6th date. She reluctantly did and told me that the last time she was asked to pay for some of the bill her ex-bf broke up with her. She then proceeded to hound me for 2.5 weeks about "What I really meant about going dutch on the bill" and about where our "relationship" was going.

-The one girl who my roomate went out with for two months (they were an official couple) and who proceeded to buy a wedding gown for their wedding in the future. As soon as she pulled that crap, my roomate dumped her crazy behind. She then harassed my roomate for 2 months trying to get him to pay for the gown.

-The one girl who my roomate met in NYC and who called to invite him up to visit. During the phone call though the girl revealed that she really liked my roomate but made it very clear that if my roomate came up to visit her "nothing physical was going to happen." Nothing physical was going to happen because she said she doesn't like to sleep with men who she is emotionally attached to, she only sleeps with guys she doesn't care about.

-The ex-gf of my roomate who took his car after he just broke up with her and parked it in a handicap zone so he would get a ticket.

-My brothers gf who went into his cell phone and put in a password to lock it so the only way he could make or receive a call is if she put in the password. She apparently did this so she could "monitor" his calls.



Yes I think there are very few sane women out there. There are TONS of more storeis that I have

I know what you mean. A guy at work wound up getting his girlfriend's room mate pregnant. His girl friend refused to be the maid of honor in spite of being her room mate's best friend just because she was pissed at her boyfriend knocking up her best friend.

Talk about superficial and petty.

 

[fourier jr]

Uhh, a ton of girls love sex. Quite a lot of girls want sex more than most guys do.

that's what I always seem to hear but like I said I think I hang out in all the wrong places or it's a lie.

 

[Math Is Hard]

that's what I always seem to hear but like I said I think I hang out in all the wrong places or it's a lie.

Or maybe you just need to learn how to seduce a woman. ohh la la..