Do Physical Appearance and Shared Interests Affect Attraction Equally?

[turbo]

When two people keep eyeing each other from across the room and assuming the other would make the move if they were interested, and neither ends up making a move, then you're never going to meet anyone. You're never going to know if there's any potential between you and someone else if you don't walk up to them and start talking.

Exactly! My freshman year at college, we were required to use on-campus housing, which pretty much locked us into using the food service at the dorm complex, too, if only for the sake of convenience. A couple of times, I saw a very attractive, very tall blond at the dining hall, and I figured she was a freshman, too, since she didn't seem to know anybody. I figured "what the hell" and took my tray to her table and asked if I could sit with her, and she pulled out the chair next to her and said "I've been saving you a seat." We were inseparable after that, though we looked like Dudley Moore and Susan Anton when we walked hand-in-hand.

One should not assume that every datable, attractive person is aloof if they are quiet, nor should you assume from someone's appearance that you might not have much in common, etc. That type of negativism can prevent you from meeting the most compatible person in the room. I could have assumed that she would shoot me down, and "saved" myself the embarrassment and trouble - I'm really glad I broke the ice instead.

 

[gravenewworld]

Oh man, come on, you just dated the wrong gal, that's all.

Maybe, but it doesn't just seem to be me only though that is just dating the wrong types of women. I could write a very entertaining novel of some of the crazy crap girls have done to my roomates and me. Examples:

-the girl who called my roomate 3-4x's a week drunk at 3:30 AM crying on the phone wanting to talk

-the girl who got pissed off at my other roomate when he asked to go dutch on a dinner bill on the 8th date

-I also asked a girl to go dutch on a dinner bill once after the 6th date. She reluctantly did and told me that the last time she was asked to pay for some of the bill her ex-bf broke up with her. She then proceeded to hound me for 2.5 weeks about "What I really meant about going dutch on the bill" and about where our "relationship" was going.

-The one girl who my roomate went out with for two months (they were an official couple) and who proceeded to buy a wedding gown for their wedding in the future. As soon as she pulled that crap, my roomate dumped her crazy behind. She then harassed my roomate for 2 months trying to get him to pay for the gown.

-The one girl who my roomate met in NYC and who called to invite him up to visit. During the phone call though the girl revealed that she really liked my roomate but made it very clear that if my roomate came up to visit her "nothing physical was going to happen." Nothing physical was going to happen because she said she doesn't like to sleep with men who she is emotionally attached to, she only sleeps with guys she doesn't care about.

-The ex-gf of my roomate who took his car after he just broke up with her and parked it in a handicap zone so he would get a ticket.

-My brothers gf who went into his cell phone and put in a password to lock it so the only way he could make or receive a call is if she put in the password. She apparently did this so she could "monitor" his calls.



Yes I think there are very few sane women out there. There are TONS of more storeis that I have

 

[BobG]

Maybe, but it doesn't just seem to be me only though that is just dating the wrong types of women. I could write a very entertaining novel of some of the crazy crap girls have done to my roomates and me. Examples:

-the girl who called my roomate 3-4x's a week drunk at 3:30 AM crying on the phone wanting to talk

-the girl who got pissed off at my other roomate when he asked to go dutch on a dinner bill on the 8th date

-I also asked a girl to go dutch on a dinner bill once after the 6th date. She reluctantly did and told me that the last time she was asked to pay for some of the bill her ex-bf broke up with her. She then proceeded to hound me for 2.5 weeks about "What I really meant about going dutch on the bill" and about where our "relationship" was going.

-The one girl who my roomate went out with for two months (they were an official couple) and who proceeded to buy a wedding gown for their wedding in the future. As soon as she pulled that crap, my roomate dumped her crazy behind. She then harassed my roomate for 2 months trying to get him to pay for the gown.

-The one girl who my roomate met in NYC and who called to invite him up to visit. During the phone call though the girl revealed that she really liked my roomate but made it very clear that if my roomate came up to visit her "nothing physical was going to happen." Nothing physical was going to happen because she said she doesn't like to sleep with men who she is emotionally attached to, she only sleeps with guys she doesn't care about.

-The ex-gf of my roomate who took his car after he just broke up with her and parked it in a handicap zone so he would get a ticket.

-My brothers gf who went into his cell phone and put in a password to lock it so the only way he could make or receive a call is if she put in the password. She apparently did this so she could "monitor" his calls.



Yes I think there are very few sane women out there. There are TONS of more storeis that I have

I know what you mean. A guy at work wound up getting his girlfriend's room mate pregnant. His girl friend refused to be the maid of honor in spite of being her room mate's best friend just because she was pissed at her boyfriend knocking up her best friend.

Talk about superficial and petty.

 

[fourier jr]

Uhh, a ton of girls love sex. Quite a lot of girls want sex more than most guys do.

that's what I always seem to hear but like I said I think I hang out in all the wrong places or it's a lie.

 

[Math Is Hard]

that's what I always seem to hear but like I said I think I hang out in all the wrong places or it's a lie.

Or maybe you just need to learn how to seduce a woman. ohh la la..

 

[turbo]

Or maybe you just need to learn how to seduce a woman. ohh la la..

Or maybe intrigue a woman, at which point she WANTS to be seduced by you and regards almost any interaction as a step in the right direction. Be yourself and don't be needy. Healthy, well-adjusted men and women do not want a relationship with a a partner who is constantly clinging and needy.

 

[fourier jr]

Or maybe intrigue a woman, at which point she WANTS to be seduced by you and regards almost any interaction as a step in the right direction. Be yourself and don't be needy. Healthy, well-adjusted men and women do not want a relationship with a a partner who is constantly clinging and needy.

why do they need to be seduced? i always hear that they like having sex

 

[gravenewworld]

I know what you mean. A guy at work wound up getting his girlfriend's room mate pregnant. His girl friend refused to be the maid of honor in spite of being her room mate's best friend just because she was pissed at her boyfriend knocking up her best friend.

Talk about superficial and petty.

oh man that reminds me of some CRAZY girl who was seeing one of my friend's friends who told her BF that she was on the pill, but secretly wasn't so that she could trick the guy into impregnating her. I guess it was running through her mind that if she conceived this guy's kid they would have to be together forever. Crap like that doesn't just happen in the movies or Jerry Springer, it actually does happen in real life. Some females out there are absolute loons, but you would never be able to tell it from a first impression.

 

[JasonRox]

why do they need to be seduced? i always hear that they like having sex

You only have to seduce them once. If you do a good job, they keep coming back.

 

[Moonbear]

Maybe, but it doesn't just seem to be me only though that is just dating the wrong types of women. I could write a very entertaining novel of some of the crazy crap girls have done to my roomates and me. Examples:

-the girl who called my roomate 3-4x's a week drunk at 3:30 AM crying on the phone wanting to talk

-the girl who got pissed off at my other roomate when he asked to go dutch on a dinner bill on the 8th date

-I also asked a girl to go dutch on a dinner bill once after the 6th date. She reluctantly did and told me that the last time she was asked to pay for some of the bill her ex-bf broke up with her. She then proceeded to hound me for 2.5 weeks about "What I really meant about going dutch on the bill" and about where our "relationship" was going.

-The one girl who my roomate went out with for two months (they were an official couple) and who proceeded to buy a wedding gown for their wedding in the future. As soon as she pulled that crap, my roomate dumped her crazy behind. She then harassed my roomate for 2 months trying to get him to pay for the gown.

-The one girl who my roomate met in NYC and who called to invite him up to visit. During the phone call though the girl revealed that she really liked my roomate but made it very clear that if my roomate came up to visit her "nothing physical was going to happen." Nothing physical was going to happen because she said she doesn't like to sleep with men who she is emotionally attached to, she only sleeps with guys she doesn't care about.

-The ex-gf of my roomate who took his car after he just broke up with her and parked it in a handicap zone so he would get a ticket.

-My brothers gf who went into his cell phone and put in a password to lock it so the only way he could make or receive a call is if she put in the password. She apparently did this so she could "monitor" his calls.



Yes I think there are very few sane women out there. There are TONS of more storeis that I have

You should probably stop trying to pick up women outside the psychiatric hospital.

 

[turbo]

why do they need to be seduced? i always hear that they like having sex

The point is that if a woman is interested in you, and you are nice to her, things will progress very naturally. She will regard commonplace things like a gentle touch and questions about her interests, etc, WAY more positively than overt attempts to impress her or coerce her. In other words, if you are a intriguing, interesting, and approachable (and above all nice and respectful), she will pursue you, even if you're not the handsomest, well-muscled guy in the room.

 

[JasonRox]

The point is that if a woman is interested in you, and you are nice to her, things will progress very naturally. She will regard commonplace things like a gentle touch and questions about her interests, etc, WAY more positively than overt attempts to impress her or coerce her. In other words, if you are a intriguing, interesting, and approachable (and above all nice and respectful), she will pursue you, even if you're not the handsomest, well-muscled guy in the room.

Nice guys never get girls.

 

[radou]

Nice guys never get girls.

Another sad truth.

 

[pivoxa15]

Is that because of the quote by Winston Churchhill "Please all and you please none"?

 

[Astronuc]

Nice guys never get girls.

Not according to women I know, who indicated that they want (or wanted) a nice guy and a steady relationship. The single women are hoping to find a 'nice' guy, and the married ones found one and married him.

All the marriages that have lasted probably involve a 'nice' guy.

My dad would be considered a nice guy. My parents met first as teenagers, moved apart for a few years, and then reconnected after high school. They were engaged for 7 years since there were no university quarters for married students. They are now in their 51st year of marriage.


As for me, I never wanted lots of girls. I just wanted to find one special woman who would become my wife. Well, I found one, and she has been my one and only intimate partner, and we've been together for the last 26+ years.

 

[KingNothing]

I know of too many guys who will not date a woman unless she is a Miss America stunner or willing to give to their favorite charity (sex). Otherwise, they would rather sit at home watching TV (the "Captain Jack" syndrome). I should know - I practiced this for years.

Here in Arlington there is a considerable surplus of ladies, most of them intelligent and many available. If I were not dedicated to my current girlfriend, I would have a wide choice of other good women with whom to have a meaningful relationship. As one gets to know them, the more attractive they become, and the more meaningful the prospect of intimacy.

Do you notice a similar pattern in your neck of the world?

Holy ****! I always thought you were a woman.
So, let's hit the sack?

 

[mathwonk]

based on to the insights expressed in this thread, maybe the answer to another thread is "yes you can study too much."

 

[Loren Booda]

KingNothing,

My sack is happily reserved for my girlfriend.

If "Nothing" negates "King," might I assume you are female? Enjoy the field in any case. PF is known for its surplus of eager guys.

Astronuc speaks truth. May we all come to respect his ideals.

 

[turbo]

Nice guys never get girls.

You may grow up eventually. Or maybe not.

You'll be a lot happier in the long run if you actually treat women as people instead of objects. You might find a life-long friend, and if you're really lucky, your life-long friend will be a wonderful partner for life, sex, intellectual interests, fun, etc. If you're a self centered jerk, you'll live and die alone, even if you have some half-hearted companionship along the way. You get to choose.

 

[Evo]

Nice guys never get girls.

Another sad truth.

I "ONLY" date nice guys.

My daughters only date nice guys.

My girlfriends only date nice guys.

Hmmmm, guess you may be wrong there.

What I've found to be true is that a lot of men tend to go for psycho women. Women that are insecure, pathetic, neurotic, and want abuse because they don't feel they are worthy of being treated like a human. Is it because they are easy targets? I don't get it.

RUN AWAY FROM THESE WOMEN!

Sane, normal women want to be treated as an equal, not to be treated specially, not to be treated abusively. Keep looking until you find one of these,they are all over the place.

 

[turbo]

Another sad truth.

If you think that nice guys never get girls, you either have VERY limited life experience, or you have never tried treating girls nicely. I was a tiny (5'2", 120 lb) guy through most of high school, probably because I used to run many miles a day and stayed small and wiry. Almost all my dates were taller than me, including the really cute sister of a bass-player in a band that competed with mine, who had hit 6' by the 12th grade. Treat women like people (even if you treat your male friends like crap) and express interest in the things that are bothering them. If you can be a reliable, trustworthy friend, you're going to look really attractive compared to the competition. If you can't muster the maturity to pull this off (Pons Asinorum in dating), you deserve to fail and resort to Onan's recourse.

 

[Loren Booda]

Also, treat women (and people in general) with mental illness humanely. You will heal each other and make a better world in the bargain.

Those who grow up with abuse are further traumatized by those who have been taught to prey and manipulate. A biologically based brain disease is no more reason to discriminate against someone than race is.

Women are quickly catching up with men, but still need consideration for thousands of years of endemic biases.

 

[Werg22]

based on to the insights expressed in this thread, maybe the answer to another thread is "yes you can study too much."

Witty.

 

[Mallignamius]

I had a lengthy discussion about bad boys and women last year at another forum, among many people. The consensus finishing the thread was that many women/girls like bad boys because of their confidence. There was a distinction made between bad boys and jerks. The bad boys were the wild, "don't take sh*t from no one" group; the jerks were abusive losers. It was a difficult concept for us to wrangle with, that bad boys could frequently be regarded as gentlemen.

 

[ranger]

I "ONLY" date nice guys.

My daughters only date nice guys.

My girlfriends only date nice guys.

Hmmmm, guess you may be wrong there.

What I've found to be true is that a lot of men tend to go for psycho women. Women that are insecure, pathetic, neurotic, and want abuse because they don't feel they are worthy of being treated like a human. Is it because they are easy targets? I don't get it.

RUN AWAY FROM THESE WOMEN!

Sane, normal women want to be treated as an equal, not to be treated specially, not to be treated abusively. Keep looking until you find one of these,they are all over the place.

This brings me to a question. How does one define a "nice" guy?

I understand the abusive part. But do you imply when you say "specially"? When you say equal, I take it you mean that there's no need for men to hold doors open, give up that last on the train/bus, pay for dinner, be the last ones out of a building in the case of an emergency, etc? In doing all of these, isn't that "special" treatment? Please clarify.

 

[NateTG]

People who are looking for relationships are going to seek out other people that stimulate and excite them. It's not so much that there's anything wrong with a 'nice guy' as much as there isn't enough right. Women go for 'players', 'bad boys', and so on because they are stimulating and exciting, and not because they aren't nice. The same is, really, true of guys.

So, the expression 'nice guy' translates to "decent human being, not relationship material." There are plenty of guys that are nice who have girlfriends, but there are very few boring guys that do.

Something that is a bit more twisted is that the range of stimulus that people look for is hugely varied. A lot of people are dysfunctional because the stimulus that they're looking for isn't healthy, or doesn't lead to sustainable relationships.

 

[Beeza]

*beats dead horse*

Wasn't there a thread similar to this a few months ago where I got jumped all over for the anti-nice guy thing?

 

[radou]

My girlfriends only date nice guys.

Any of them available, by chance?

Keep looking until you find one of these,they are all over the place.

Well, I sure will!

Nah, it's just me, actually. I'm not trying hard enough, I admit.

If you think that nice guys never get girls, you either have VERY limited life experience,

You're right on this one, I admit once again.

If you can be a reliable, trustworthy friend, you're going to look really attractive compared to the competition.

Of course I can, turbo. But that's the problem, because all that I seem to be is a reliable and trustworthy friend in most cases. And I obviously didn't look attractive enough.

But this is related to my upper reply, so I guess it's not so tragic.

 

[turbo]

Of course I can, turbo. But that's the problem, because all that I seem to be is a reliable and trustworthy friend in most cases. And I obviously didn't look attractive enough.

But this is related to my upper reply, so I guess it's not so tragic.

Don't give up on this one. Reliable and trustworthy are really big deals, and if your lady-friends don't "click" with you romantically, rest assured that one day they will meet another female that they think is perfect for you, and start playing match-maker. First be their friend - you'll see. This isn't a zero-sum game in which you keep score. Making and keeping friends of the opposite sex is a win-win and it's going to make breaking the ice with their girl-friends so easy.

 

[Werg22]

Nice guys never get girls.

Correction: Nice guys never get jobs.