How to approach a girl at the library

[bardeen]

There's this cute girl I constantly see at my university library. I would like to meet her but I'm scared of interrupting her. She seems so focused on her stuff and the library is really quiet so I feel weird approaching her. I tried to peak at what she was working on and all I could see were a couple of research papers. Intimidating. I'm not a very extroverted guy and having to approach her at the library just makes it even tougher. There's just something about her that I find really attractive. Any advice?

 

[Evo]

There's this cute girl I constantly see at my university library. I would like to meet her but I'm scared of interrupting her. She seems so focused on her stuff and the library is really quiet so I feel weird approaching her. I tried to peak at what she was working on and all I could see were a couple of research papers. Intimidating. I'm not a very extroverted guy and having to approach her at the library just makes it even tougher. There's just something about her that I find really attractive. Any advice?

Think of something funny and pass her a note.

 

[micromass]

1) Serenade her

2) Hire somebody to play a gunman. He threatens to blow up the library. Then you come in as a hero and take him out. When you're asked how you had so much courage, you say "I didn't want anything bad to happen to her"

3) Walk past her and spill some coffee on her. Offer to pay the bill for dry cleaning. Engage in intellectually stimulating conversation. Ask her out.

4) Find out what her phone number is. Call her several time a day without saying anything. Find out where she lives and show up in front of her door in the middle of the night. Say that you are the one who called her. She will be so excited to finally know her mystery lover that she will immediately start kissing you!

5) Just go talk to her, say that she looks so busy and ask her what she's reading.

 

[stevenb]

When I was in college, I had the same issue. One day I sat at the far end of her table and started drawing a picture. I'm not an artist or anything, but I just drew an abstract shape with pencil. She looked over a couple of times. When I was done, I wrote on the paper "I got no studying done because you're so cute!". I handed it to her and then walked away.

A couple of days later I saw her, but sat at another table. She looked over and smiled, and I waved and smiled back. So, a half hour later, I needed to use the men's room. I left my books at the table for a few minutes. When I got back, I was surprised that the book I left open was now closed, but I figured I closed it without realizing it. When I opened the book up, there was a note that said, "are you getting anything done?".

Obviously, I then had had the opening to go sit with her for a while, and I asked her to have lunch with me.

I'm not saying do the same thing, but you need to think creatively. There is always some way to make an impression, without being pushy or obnoxious looking. Every girl and every situation is different.

 

[PhizKid]

Give her money

 

[Swegner99]

Try and catch her heading in or heading out, you need to be real casual, try and figure out what classes she's in or something and ask her about that to break the ice. There are a lot of creepy guys out there these days so most girls are pretty guarded against the "cold call" approach. You need a lead in, just be confident and the rest will follow.

 

[WannabeNewton]

...try and figure out what classes she's in or something and ask her about that to break the ice.

And this isn't creepy how?

 

[MarneMath]

I actually meet my wife at the library. We didn't start dating there since I wasn't going to be in the Area for long, but I ran into her a few months later and decided she was cute enough for me. Anyway, you should simply stop thinking about it and go up to talk to her. Worse case scenario, everything goes terribly wrong, you become embarrass and pee yourself, but life goes on.

 

[leroyjenkens]

My strategy is I just find a reason to say something to them. It has to be a decent reason, nothing stupid, because then they know for a fact you're just trying to find a reason to talk to them and aren't very good at it.

What I need help with is keeping that conversation going. I find something to say to them, and it's usually pretty good. We then have an amiable exchange, and then... nothing. It ends there and I never see her again. You have my permission to use my uncreative, unoriginal strategy, but if you find some way to improve on it, such as keeping the conversation going, then let me know.

It's kinda like juggling. Getting the balls in the air is easy, and it's even easy to catch a few, but to keep it going takes skill.

 

[Dembadon]

...

4) Find out what her phone number is. Call her several time a day without saying anything. Find out where she lives and show up in front of her door in the middle of the night. Say that you are the one who called her. She will be so excited to finally know her mystery lover that she will immediately start kissing you!

...

Think of something funny and pass her a note.

Here's an idea:

[note]
I'm running a study about the effects of a coffee break on students reading [insert title of something she's reading here]. Text or call me at xxx.xxx.xxxx if you're interested!
Your Name
[/note]

Set it next to her as you pass and smile. This way, you've not severely interrupted her studying but communicated your interest without disrupting the quiet library environment. If she contacts you, great news! If not, ah well, maybe another time.

Please don't forget to give a warm smile.

 

[lisab]

When I was in college, I had the same issue. One day I sat at the far end of her table and started drawing a picture. I'm not an artist or anything, but I just drew an abstract shape with pencil. She looked over a couple of times. When I was done, I wrote on the paper "I got no studying done because you're so cute!". I handed it to her and then walked away.

A couple of days later I saw her, but sat at another table. She looked over and smiled, and I waved and smiled back. So, a half hour later, I needed to use the men's room. I left my books at the table for a few minutes. When I got back, I was surprised that the book I left open was now closed, but I figured I closed it without realizing it. When I opened the book up, there was a note that said, "are you getting anything done?".

Obviously, I then had had the opening to go sit with her for a while, and I asked her to have lunch with me.

I'm not saying do the same thing, but you need to think creatively. There is always some way to make an impression, without being pushy or obnoxious looking. Every girl and every situation is different.

Nice!

I was studying at the library once when this guy stopped near me, not right next to me but close enough that I looked up. He made a hand motion like drinking coffee, then pointed to the door, then nodded at me and smiled.

How could I resist ?

 

[Dembadon]

Nice!

I was studying at the library once when this guy stopped near me, not right next to me but close enough that I looked up. He made a hand motion like drinking coffee, then pointed to the door, then nodded at me and smiled.

How could I resist ?

A great alternative to the note idea, and more my style.

Wha'dya say, OP?

 

[Lavabug]

I always wanted to do Evo's suggestion given that I'm a social retard, but doing this in the university library I frequented (the only place I could really study since my apartment was unbearable) would've been extremely awkward if it didn't go down well with them.

Almost did it the other day at a public library I don't frequent, good thing I didn't (her bf showed up before I mustered the courage to drop the note off).

 

[zoobyshoe]

When I was in college, I had the same issue. One day I sat at the far end of her table and started drawing a picture. I'm not an artist or anything, but I just drew an abstract shape with pencil. She looked over a couple of times. When I was done, I wrote on the paper "I got no studying done because you're so cute!". I handed it to her and then walked away...
...Every girl and every situation is different.

Good post!

 

[bardeen]

Wow I'm amazed at the great input. I was expecting more dull stuff to be honest but you guys are real romantics. I don't know if I have the courage to pull off the note thing, I was thinking just saying something casually. The problem is that I don't know how you're supposed to keep a conversation going in the library. By the way, of the people who posted, who is a lady? Picturing yourself in the library, what would you ladies prefer? Honest! By the way, she seems to be a quiet type of girl.

 

[WannabeNewton]

I'm a lady and I love money and large topping pizzas from papa johns, especially in libraries.

 

[DiracPool]

Here's what you do. First of all you put on some good cologne. Then you tip the Librarian to take off the Muzak for a bit and put on some Marvin Gaye. Then you roll up to her on a Segway HT over by her little corner study booth (you need to make an entrance) and say, "Excuse me, beautiful, I'm new here, do you know where the poetry section is? One thing will to another from there, I'm sure.

 

[Lavabug]

I'm a lady and I love money and large topping pizzas from papa johns, especially in libraries.

This has to be at least the 5th time I've had doubts and changed my mind about your gender.

 

[WannabeNewton]

This has to be at least the 5th time I've had doubts and changed my mind about your gender.

mwahahahahaha but nah I'm a dude

 

[davenn]

hahaha

ohhh dear, Lavabug, you and me both

WBN, I initially thought you were a guy ... a bit of a bad thought about guys being the best physicists (sp?)
then there were vague was comments here and there that made me change my mind and I thought ... WOW a gal with a brilliant mind, awesome...

so sorry

so funny, my face is a deep embarrassed red !

Dave

 

[DiracPool]

WBN, I initially thought you were a guy ... a bit of a bad though about guys being the best physicists (sp?)


Dave

What are you talking about? He posted his picture as his avatar, didn't you notice? Plain as day.

 

[Evo]

I'm female and any guy that can make me laugh will get my time and attention.

Lisab's guy would also get my attention, because that would make me laugh.

 

[DiracPool]

I think I'm going to have nightmares tonight, Thanks.

 

[davenn]

What are you talking about? He posted his picture as his avatar, didn't you notice? Plain as day.

too dark to see what is in that pic... I have no idea


Dave

 

[davenn]

....My advice is to talk loudly on your cell about stupid stuff. She will certainly notice you.

yup, but probably not in a helpful way haha


Dave

 

[lisab]

too dark to see what is in that pic... I have no idea


Dave

Use that telescope behind you.

 

[Bacle2]

This did not work for me:

Walking towards her and dropping her a note saying : what are you wearing ? Nor does it work very well
when you use it anonymously over the phone --specially the problem of getting the wrong number and noticing only after some 10 minutes. And it is kind of awkward living it as a message in her answering machine, or even worse, leaving her that as a message with her mom/dad.

But maybe it's just me, and you can pull it off yourself.

 

[reenmachine]

My advice is don't go for a big complicated approach.A lot of guys think they need to hide their true motives in the beginning but I think the opposite works better.Just give her a warm look , a semi-smile and say "Hey! How are you?".Try not to be ackward with the look and smile though.This is why I said "semi" smile.

Then you go from there and decide if you should continue or not based on her reaction.

If the conversation continues , then making her laugh is your best bet if you can pull it off.

 

[zoobyshoe]

This has to be at least the 5th time I've had doubts and changed my mind about your gender.

I figured him for an ambi-sexual male crossdresser.

 

[Lavabug]

What are you talking about? He posted his picture as his avatar, didn't you notice? Plain as day.

Pic is too dark to tell any gender-specific traits.

 

[DiracPool]

Just give her a warm look , a semi-smile and say "Hey! How are you?".

Is this what you mean by a semi-smile?

 

[Chronos]

I was eating a taco when I saw that pic, DiracPool. No more Italian food for me tonight.

 

[Bacle2]

I was eating a taco when I saw that pic, DiracPool. No more Italian food for me tonight.

You're eating Italian tacos? With Mexican pasta?

 

[dreamLord]

This thread is now about creepy men and food.

 

[HayleySarg]

This thread is now about creepy men and food.

D: I knew that's how I find all the creeps.

OP

I know that if I was studying intently and someone approached me, the most important factor would be how they "broke the ice". So, good on you for asking for advice.

I suggest keeping it pretty simple.

Maybe I'm not the best female to give advice since I don't dwell on interactions all that much. I suggest you just walk up and ask her what she's focused on. Mention you've seen her quite a bit, and explain you're genuinely interested. If you feel passionate about your own research, play on that. If you don't, explain how you were pleasantly surprised to see someone who does. I find people like to talk about themselves, so opening up a safe avenue to do so (work, school topics) is pleasant.

Laughter is always a plus. But trying to force laughs is worse than none at all. Let the conversation develop, get a feel for her personal tastes and sense of humor before trying to get too silly.

Once you open a dialogue and maybe even talk a few times, you can try persuading her to leave the library for the sake of conversation. Is there a café near the library? If so, and you see her studying for a bit, maybe just walk over and ask, "Hey, I saw you've been sitting here for quite awhile. I was headed over to the (cafe/coffee shop/whatever), want to grab something?"

No one wants to feel cornered, but at the same time, don't assume that everyone wants to be left alone. At worst case, she's very busy and will be a bit short. It's unlikely if you approach in a friendly manner you'll get a negative response such as a scoff or the iconic "Creep" with rolling eyes.

Cheers!

 

[Bacle2]

This is an interest advice I received in a speech class I took that may apply to your situation , and in more general ones too:

Write a list of 10-15 things that interest you, and memorize them, and/or a list of interesting events in your life . The idea is people are attracted to those people who have something they're passionate about in their lives. You can then bring up the list in the conversation, and your interest for the items on your list will be transmitted during the conversation. This is better --unless you're an amazing conversationalist -- than trying to improvise: is it raining next week? Wow, this is a big library: so many books,etc.

 

[DiracPool]

This is an interest advice I received in a speech class I took that may apply to your situation , and in more general ones too:

Write a list of 10-15 things that interest you, and memorize them, and/or a list of interesting events in your life . The idea is people are attracted to those people who have something they're passionate about in their lives. You can then bring up the list in the conversation, and your interest for the items on your list will be transmitted during the conversation. This is better --unless you're an amazing conversationalist -- than trying to improvise: is it raining next week? Wow, this is a big library: so many books,etc.

Too complicated and contrived. They're going to see right through that. Girls, help me out here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCpA97CFiCQ

 

[HayleySarg]

Hmm, I'm not sure. It depends, if it's done fluently, I might be tricked. However, the pre-req for doing something like that is that you're NOT a good conversationalist, eh? So that logic won't really work.

The more pressure you put on yourself to do the right thing, the worse it will go. Haven't the movies taught us anything? All that pressure and you'll be like "Hii... uh. You smell nice".

IMHO, the less pressure you put on yourself, the better. It's not an task, walking up to someone and striking conversation. But it's certainly not impossible.

 

[Bacle2]

Too complicated and contrived. They're going to see right through that. Girls, help me out here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCpA97CFiCQ

I'm not suggesting you recite the list word-by-word; the idea is if the conversation starts off reasonably-well, you can keep it going more easily if you have some good material handy. I'm not that good of a conversationalist to pull off cold meetings; I can use all the help I can get.

 

[MarneMath]

I like Bacle method. Whenever my wife allows me to accompany her to an event, I get a feel of the people there and mentally prepared some topics in my head. Otherwise, I just play angry birds. Before, I met my wife (and how I met my wife), I used to have 5 rotating topics I would use to talk to new people. Mostly they involved me either at a Rodeo, falling from a 40 foot tower, or being lost in Iraq. Usually, I would incorporate it like this, "you remind me of the medic who saved me after I fell from a 40 foot tower." or "You remind of the girl who saved me after I got thrown off a bull." etc, it worked rather well for me :p.

 

[HayleySarg]

Rotating/Keeping a roster of info to discuss seems smart. I just feel that overly-memorizing something will actual prove more difficult.

Having a plan is good. Having a plan with no flexibility and lots of details can backfire.

Cheers

 

[DiracPool]

Whenever my wife allows me to accompany her to an event, I get a feel of the people there and mentally prepared some topics in my head. Otherwise, I just play angry birds. Before, I met my wife (and how I met my wife)

Somehow I get the feeling that MarneMath is very attached to his wife. He brings her up in every post

 

[DiracPool]

Rotating/Keeping a roster of info to discuss seems smart. I just feel that overly-memorizing something will actual prove more difficult.

Having a plan is good. Having a plan with no flexibility and lots of details can backfire.

Cheers

Idk, in my experience women are very quick to pick up on contrivances, which is why faking confidence never seems to work, and all guys have tried that at one point or another. Sometimes you think you scored with a girl because you told her you were the manager of the Jack in the Box instead of the dishwasher you really were. However, the reality is that she didn't believe you anyway but just thought you were cute. That's why you scored.

Nothing turns a girl off more than some guy trying to artificially trump up his game (except on the rare occasion they think its charming). It makes them feel uncomfortable and have pity for you, and that's not very sexy. It's kind of like how you feel embarrassed when you're watching some comedian bomb. Why do you feel embarrassed? You're not the one bombing. Doesn't matter, you feel embarrassed anyway.

At the end of the day, what works best is feeling comfortable in your own skin. Women can read that and that's what they like. Everything else is pretty much secondary (except perhaps your income ) The problem, unfortunately is how to feel comfortable in your own skin.

 

[HayleySarg]

That's why I thought it was being a little over-zealous to have a step-by step by step methodology for conducting small talk. Though, for me, conversation comes easily regardless of gender.

I've been hit on once (and have been dating that one for 3 years+ now), so I can't really say what worked on me conclusively. I tend to agree with the statement of trying to trump up your game. Especially when it leads to little lies.

I believe there is not magic formula for people. It's too complicated to specify exact approaches really. Everyone is different, just as the person they want to approach is different.

 

[MarneMath]

Somehow I get the feeling that MarneMath is very attached to his wife. He brings her up in every post

She's my best friend!

 

[reenmachine]

Is this what you mean by a semi-smile?

lollll

This is a perfect image to illustrate what NOT to do.

 

[StevieTNZ]

There's this cute girl I constantly see at my university library. I would like to meet her but I'm scared of interrupting her. She seems so focused on her stuff and the library is really quiet so I feel weird approaching her. I tried to peak at what she was working on and all I could see were a couple of research papers. Intimidating. I'm not a very extroverted guy and having to approach her at the library just makes it even tougher. There's just something about her that I find really attractive. Any advice?

Have you tried this approach?

 

[FlexGunship]

The most likely end to this thread is: "eh, I haven't seen her in a few weeks now... oh well..."

Just say something. Trip over your words. Be awkward! It's better than doing nothing. Say: "I know you must get this all the time, but would you like to get coffee with me?" And if she doesn't respond or doesn't respond the right way just add, "Look, I know this is awkward, think about how hard this is for me right now."

If she's into dorks, then you're golden.

You could just try the Flex method:

Buy a cup of coffee for her and yourself (make her's loaded with cream and Splenda... girls LOVE coffee that tastes nothing like coffee; make your's black because you're a man with self-respect). Take both of them to the library. Stand in front of her just long enough that she notices you and set the coffee down. Say "cream and sugar" <pause> "this one is black if you'd prefer." Now wait. No need to smile, but don't glare or look evil. Raise your eyebrows a little if you're uncomfortable; this will prompt her to respond. She'll probably say something like: "uh, thanks... but I..." and you cut her off. Grab the coffee, say "okay", and toss it in the garbage. Don't stick around long... don't rush out. But at this point it's time to leave.

Repeat the next day.

 

[HayleySarg]

That is the most hilarious thing ever Flex.

 

[epenguin]

Mid-July I guess this has solved itself? E.g she no longer frequents the library?
But a lot of people have had fun with creepy suggestions.
'Hello' is not a bad conversation starter. Not many people refuse to answer that. As long as you don't wear a creepy expression like some of the pics.
Trouble is many girls don't have much conversation. Like they just reply 'Hello' and you are back at the start. Or even further back, or just possibly not, just depending how they say it.
If you see her you could take it from my first line above, like in some order or another ask about what she's doing generally and say you thought you'd say hello because maybe there wouldn't be another chance.

Another risk of this business is there is some other creepy guy who leaves her creepy notes in the library like ones suggested and she thinks it's you.