Is She Interested in More Than Friendship?

[binzing]

Hey all. I need some help with asking a girl out, who I think might already have a boyfriend, but I'm not at all sure of that fact. Anyways, we have one class together and she's really cool. Smart, pretty, and of similar personality to me. We've gotten to each other pretty well. Any suggestions?Thanks

 

[Moonbear]

Any suggestions?

I'd start off by talking to her and finding a way to casually bring up the subject of boyfriends/girlfriends to determine if she really does have a boyfriend and whether that's a good relationship. No point spinning your wheels on her if she's in a happy relationship already.

 

[hotcommodity]

Ask her if she would like to go to a movie (or something similar) this coming weekend. If she says that she's busy, or that she has a boyfriend, don't act disappointed. Any apparent disappointment can make her feel uncomfortable, and cause your friendship to wan.

 

[binzing]

KK, easier said than done though, but thanks.

 

[binzing]

Darn, I figured Cyrus or Evo would have some witty suggestion(s).

 

[gravenewworld]

Stalk her down on either myspace or facebook and look to see if she has a bf or if she "is in a relationship." Yeah it sounds psychopathic, but it is effective.

 

[slugcountry]

Hey all. I need some help with asking a girl out, who I think might already have a boyfriend, but I'm not at all sure of that fact. Anyways, we have one class together and she's really cool. Smart, pretty, and of similar personality to me. We've gotten to each other pretty well. Any suggestions?Thanks

I don't usually offer dating advice but I've recently (like over the last year) made some pretty vast strides in this area of my life:

Don't assume that she's worth your time - approach it as if you're trying to see whether or not she's worth YOUR time (that doesn't mean be an a-hole).

The truth is whether or not she has a boyfriend is irrelevant - attraction will (or won't) happen regardless.

As far as asking her out.. I would maybe casually mention that some friends are having a party, and then later in the conversation ask if she wanted to come... don't ask her out on a "date"... too much pressure. keep it casual.

 

[Danger]

Given my past relationships, I would recommend that you pay close attention to what Moonbear or Evo tell you. I've only been on it from the stupid (male) side...

 

[Astronuc]

We've gotten to each other pretty well.

Does one mean "We've gotten to know each other pretty well"?

Actually if it was me, I'd ask her if she had a boyfriend or if she was seeing someone, and if not I'd ask her out.

I think back in high school and university, about half the time, the girl would ask me out, which I preferred.

One of my biggest regrets in high school was not asking a girl from my history class to my senior prom. She sat right behind me, and when I finally asked her, she had already accepted a date from another guy. Apparently she was disappointed that I handn't asked her first.

 

[binzing]

Oh, yes Astro, that was a typo. Yeah, we left class yesterday together and talked/walked for quite a ways before we had to split to ou respective classes. I walked without thinking to say "goodbye" and now I even feel bad about that.
Grave- I've already done that and added her, we talk pretty often via Myspace. Her site says "in a relationship" but those things don't always get updated. Anyways, I think I found the bloke (her bf) after a bulletin she posted. Thanks all.

 

[Cyrus]

Who cares if she has a boyfriend?

 

[binzing]

LOL, what exactly are you suggesting then?

 

[Cyrus]

That it don't mean squat if she has a boyfriend. If she likes you she will ditch him and stick with you stud muffin. Thats what I am suggesting. Unless he's your friend, what do you care about that guy?

 

[Danger]

I strongly suspect that Astro is of the same mind as me on this. We both had possibilities that we missed out on... but neither of us would be the people that we are, with the women who really make us complete, had those possibilities not been missed out on.
If someone ever asks me if I could change anything about my past, I would have to say 'no'. I've done some things that hurt others, and I'm ashamed of, but I would probably be a far worse person had I not learned from that. Despite her having to stalk me into submission over the course of a couple of months, W is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. The only time in my life that I was happy was when I was in the air... and then I got grounded on a medical issue about 35 years ago. Now, I'm happy again. I'm really glad that none of those 'exes' worked out. (And they're all still friends... bonus...)

 

[binzing]

He's not my friend, I don't know him, thankfully. I guess I'll just keep it up and try to get on her (even) better side.

 

[Cyrus]

Unless she says, 'im not interested I am seeing someone', treat it as if she does not have a boyfriend. (or some random guy comes up to you and pounds your head in )

 

[binzing]

Danger, I think you should get the award of "Funniest Member of PF"

 

[Danger]

Just be careful. I don't know where you live, but in some social situations you could end up with a muzzle imprint on your lips. I'm not trying to be scary here, but the reality is that it might not be a safe situatiion. Watch your back.

edit: Sorry, I posted before reading your last entry. I definitely think that you have the potential to be the funniest member, but this thread isn't the appropriate place to apply.

 

[binzing]

"Muzzle imprint" are you saying I might get a fist to the mouth, or the opposite?

 

[Cyrus]

If some guy says 'thats my girlfriend bla bla bla', just tell him the truth. I am sorry, I wasnt aware because she didnt mention she was in a relationship. If she wants to walk down that road its her problem with him, not yours. Her BF doesn't own her, and has no right to control who she hangs out with.

 

[binzing]

Danger-I "got" your comment shortly after posting my response. Although I live in New Mexico (and not the nice, liberal Taos or Santa Fe areas) her BF is into drama and acting, so...yeah.

 

[Astronuc]

Oh, yes Astro, that was a typo. Yeah, we left class yesterday together and talked/walked for quite a ways before we had to split to ou respective classes. I walked without thinking to say "goodbye" and now I even feel bad about that.
Grave- I've already done that and added her, we talk pretty often via Myspace. Her site says "in a relationship" but those things don't always get updated. Anyways, I think I found the bloke (her bf) after a bulletin she posted. Thanks all.

Still, you could ask her if she is in a relationship, or simply ask her out for a casual date.

The only time I really flirted with a woman was one I kept encountering while working on campus during my second year of university. I'd just say hi and exchange a few comments with her for several weeks. Once I discovered where she worked, I dropped into her office and asked her out. It was toward the end of the summer, and I was just starting my third year at uni, when we started dating. After a few weeks of lunches, or brief encounters, we went to a Yes concert. I had the best time of my life up to that point, and we went back to her place.

We were sitting talking, and she sat down on a sofa across the room from the one I as sitting on. She then said she had something to tell me. I thought, "Oh, nuts, she's got another guy". Then she told me she was married! And then said she hoped I wasn't mad or upset. All I could do was laugh, and I told her that I wasn't mad or angry (I wasn't).

It had occurred to me that since she was very attractive, she might have been seeing other men. I told her that I really enjoyed the concert with her and the time we had spent together up to that point. So we spent another couple of hours talking about where things were with her and what might happen in the future.

Her husband had been busted and was spending time in prison (then 2 years of a 5 year term). She had planned to wait for him to get out and see if the marriage would survive. I respected that, and I told her that I wasn't looking around, and that I'd wait to see how things would work out. And I waited for 2.5 years.

Then I met the woman I married.

 

[binzing]

Danger- I didn't understand that edit, or was that a mod imposed one?
Anyways, yeah. Morp week is this week, if any of you know what that is, so I'm hoping for her to say something on that account.

 

[Danger]

Danger- I didn't understand that edit, or was that a mod imposed one?

I was, in fact, surprised when I just reviewed this thread. The post that I edited to respond to was you asking if I thought that you had a shot at funniest member. Now that your post has been altered (or I totally read it wrongly the first time), my response doesn't make a lot of sense. Regardless... keep 'em grinning.

 

[binzing]

I was saying that you (Danger) had the shot, by far. Even your signature points to it.

 

[Danger]

Even your signature points to it.

Yeah... just make sure that if you're going to drive iron birds, your friends have really big back yards...

 

[binzing]

As well as your profile pic, I love it! Ha Ha

 

[Danger]

As well as your profile pic, I love it! Ha Ha

Thanks. That actually is me. Couple of years back, on Hallowe'en.
And my left eye is wonky because I had too much adhesive on the latex appliance at that point.

 

[EnumaElish]

What draws you to her? I suspect her having a bf has something to do with it.

If it does, does that imply anything about how you'll turn out to be with her after you "win" her?

 

[binzing]

What draws me to her...Let's see. Her personality, the way she acts/talks, her looks, damn near everything about her. If I "won" her, I'd treat her like a queen. She's great

 

[Cyrus]

Define, treat her as a queen.

 

[binzing]

As in, not be an ass. Open doors for her. Go with her even if I don't really want to. Etc.

 

[binzing]

I mean, much more than just that in the last post, but yeah, you should get the pic.

 

[Cyrus]

Nice guys finish last. Open doors, and don't be an ass, all the time, but give her a hard time once in a while. Dont go anywhere you don't want to with her, your not her slave. Try this on for size, she should treat you like a king. The more you strive for her attention, the less and less of it she will give to you over time. Dont treat her any different than you normally would a friend.

 

[binzing]

Well yeah. I didn't say "be a pushover" in any of my threads did I?

 

[Cyrus]

"Go with her even if I don't really want to."

Thats being run over.

 

[Moonbear]

Nice guys finish last. Open doors, and don't be an ass, all the time, but give her a hard time once in a while. Dont go anywhere you don't want to with her, your not her slave. Try this on for size, she should treat you like a king. The more you strive for her attention, the less and less of it she will give to you over time. Dont treat her any different than you normally would a friend.

I agree. While it might be fun on a first date, women don't really want to be treated like queens all the time, we want to be treated like people...equals. We want partners not lap dogs. That doesn't mean don't do nice things for her, it simply means do them because you want to do them, not because you feel you need to cater to her every whim, and don't overdo it to the point of being fawning. And, if it's a good relationship, she'll reciprocate. If you do everything she wants to do, you're also forcing her to make all the decisions and hold all the responsibility in the relationship...this grows tiresome too.

 

[Astronuc]

We want to be treated like people...equals.

We want partners not lap dogs [or foot stools].

That bears emphasis! Accept the other gender in a recriprocal partnership.

Bottom line - be thoughtful, kind and honest - and accept a mutual and shared responsibility in the bilateral relationship. Both sides have wants and needs, and both give and receive.

 

[binzing]

Yes, that was what I was getting at.

 

[Cyrus]

Also, don't fixate on her. Even if you end up going out with her, the day will come when some guy takes her away from you the very same way your trying to get her from her current guy. If she feels the relationship is coming to an end, you might find out when she hangs around a new guy instead of you during her free time. Learn to accept this fact. Enjoy the times you had, instead of thinking, "what did I do wrong, how can I win her back".

 

[binzing]

Yeah. Since she's a grade higher anyways, she will graduate before me so I'm prepared, plus things change with time. And I'm not really trying to "take" her from her boyfriend, more like get her to see me as being more favorable and come to my side.

 

[Cyrus]

Yeah. Since she's a grade higher anyways, she will graduate before me so I'm prepared, plus things change with time. And I'm not really trying to "take" her from her boyfriend, more like get her to see me as being more favorable and come to my side.

Love the rationalization you tell yourself for taking her from him. Shes just 'coming to my side'. Screw him, if she likes you take her. If she really likes this guy, shell stick with him.

 

[binzing]

lol, well if she's going to stay with him that's fine, she's still a good friend either way.

 

[Moonbear]

Even if you end up going out with her, the day will come when some guy takes her away from you the very same way your trying to get her from her current guy.

Wow, that's pessimistic.

 

[Cyrus]

But its true. Eventually she is going to find someone else when the relationship gets old. Being in high school, I can see that happening for them quite quickly.

 

[turbo]

binzing, just do something non-threatening in a neutral location, like getting together for coffee after class, or eating lunch together. If she's enjoying your company, she may break the ice and say "we should do this more often" or something similar, leaving you in a bit of a comfort zone with regard to future get-togethers, and that will make it easier for you to ask her out to a movie, etc - something more like a real date. If she's got a serious relationship going with her BF, you'll find out without making her uncomfortable about "rejecting" your advances. You never know.

When I was in HS, I had a mild crush on a very smart and pretty girl in my class, but I kept cool about it because she had a steady boyfriend. At the end of our senior year, we were chosen as the leads in the annual senior play, and at the end of the play, we were supposed to embrace and kiss. After the first full rehearsal, I said "That was nice! I've always wanted to do that." And she acted surprised and a little disappointed and asked "Why didn't you ever ask me to go out with you?" You never know if you don't ask.

 

[binzing]

Yeah I know, but we don't have lunch together and freshies aren't allowed off campus. I'll figure out something. Options include: Valentine's shoutout message thing in school newspaper, as well as anything else I figure out.
Cyrus- You are being a little overly pessimistic in my opinion. I mean if we really "click" it may last longer, that's why I avoid other freshman and go for people who are closer to my age (I was held back in 1st grade) so that I might find a girl who is less likely to do the stupid "go out"-for-a-week sort of thing. I've got to check my myspace, I got another message from her.

 

[rewebster]

does she know your name?

 

[Cyrus]

Valentine's shoutout message thing in school newspaper

Thats a nice idea. Have an inside joke or nickname for her, so when it appears in the school newspaper only she will know its for her.

Cyrus- You are being a little overly pessimistic in my opinion. I mean if we really "click" it may last longer, that's why I avoid other freshman and go for people who are closer to my age (I was held back in 1st grade) so that I might find a girl who is less likely to do the stupid "go out"-for-a-week sort of thing. I've got to check my myspace, I got another message from her.

Would you like to bet that you won't date her until you graduate from high school? Ill send you a crisp $100 bill.

B.T.W. if you ever date this girl, keep your pants zipped; or mother cyrus is going to be very angry.

 

[binzing]

LOL wtf Cyrus, that last bit. Webster, yes she knows my name and we talk most days in the class we have together.