Men: How Would You React to Being Contacted Out of the Blue?

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The discussion centers around the reactions of individuals when contacted unexpectedly by a woman expressing admiration for them. Initial responses include feelings of flattery mixed with suspicion, particularly regarding how the woman obtained their email address. Public figures note they often receive such messages, which can feel overwhelming or even creepy, depending on the approach and content of the email. Many participants agree that the context and tone of the message significantly influence their reactions; a well-crafted email referencing shared interests or work is more likely to be welcomed than a vague compliment. Some express that if they were single, they might be more open to engaging, while others emphasize discomfort, especially if the message is overly focused on physical attraction. The conversation also touches on the challenges of online communication, where initial impressions can be easily misinterpreted. Ultimately, there is a consensus that while such outreach can be flattering, it often requires careful consideration of how to approach the recipient to avoid coming off as strange or overly forward.

How would you feel about a woman e-mailing you with no prior contact?

  • She must be crazy

    Votes: 10 18.5%

  • I would be flattered

    Votes: 21 38.9%

  • Depends on what she looks like

    Votes: 11 20.4%

  • Depends on her personality

    Votes: 12 22.2%
  • Total voters
    54
Evo
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How would you feel about being contacted out of the blue by a female that thought you were fascinating and handsome?

Would you think she was crazy or would you be interested?
 
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Well, first I'd wonder how she got my email. Then I'd be flattered. Then I'd be creeped out.
 
theCandyman said:
Well, first I'd wonder how she got my email. Then I'd be flattered. Then I'd be creeped out.
You're a public figure and your e-mail address is widely known.
 
Evo said:
You're a public figure and your e-mail address is widely known.

If I am a widely known public figure, than I probably receive plenty of emails from unknown women. In that case, she would have to be a supermodel.

The results differ if I am just a regular guy :wink:.
 
I said depends on what she looks like.
 
Crazy - I already married the only sane one.
 
Run for my life, only a crazy woman would do such a thing.
 
She must be crazy, because I try to not make my email well known.
 
It might be a little strange at first, but if we hit it off, then who cares.
 
  • #10
I won't respond to the poll (I was tempted), but if the question were turned around that a random guy contacted me out of the blue by email to tell me he thought I was attractive, how I reacted would probably depend on the content of the email. If it was phrased in one of the following ways:
"Hey, I think you're interesting and sexy."
"hey i think your interesting and sexy"
"i think ur interstng n sxy"
My response would likely be "BLOCK LIST" and then I'd feel all creepy all day.

But, if there were more to it, explaining how he knows me (since I don't have a personal website, perhaps it would be something about some of my posts on PF, or some articles of mine he's read) and told me a little about himself, then I might consider at least replying and seeing what happens, or would at least be flattered enough to respond with a thanks but no thanks type reply.

Then again, I'm not famous, so don't have guys falling over me all the time. If my inbox was filled with messages from men fawning over me every day, I'd probably get bored of it and ignore it, and just brush it off as coming from another crazy fan.
 
  • #11
I had this happen a few times on facebook, but always from girls in other states. :-p

It's flattering, of course, but I seldom continue talking to these girls in the long term. The real me is a lot different from the internet me and I think it's best to give my first impressions in person.

The only way I can see it being creepy is if their greeting was really strange or unsettling.
 
  • #12
Moonbear said:
I won't respond to the poll (I was tempted), but if the question were turned around that a random guy contacted me out of the blue by email to tell me he thought I was attractive, how I reacted would probably depend on the content of the email. If it was phrased in one of the following ways:
"Hey, I think you're interesting and sexy."
"hey i think your interesting and sexy"
"i think ur interstng n sxy"
My response would likely be "BLOCK LIST" and then I'd feel all creepy all day.

But, if there were more to it, explaining how he knows me (since I don't have a personal website, perhaps it would be something about some of my posts on PF, or some articles of mine he's read) and told me a little about himself, then I might consider at least replying and seeing what happens, or would at least be flattered enough to respond with a thanks but no thanks type reply.

Then again, I'm not famous, so don't have guys falling over me all the time. If my inbox was filled with messages from men fawning over me every day, I'd probably get bored of it and ignore it, and just brush it off as coming from another crazy fan.


"Hey, I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves"

Wonkkkkkkk wonkkkkkkkk wonkkkkkkkkk :smile: :-p
 
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  • #13
I usually just spam random emails with : "a/s/l?"

But yeah, I'd be flattered, and more so if they were attractive.
 
  • #14
There's a huge age difference here so I probably can't comment on your case. Most guys I know would agree a "hi sexy" is more hot than crazy.
 
  • #15
I'm also not a guy, so I didn't vote, but I think you should contact him sooner rather than later. The longer you wait around considering it, the more likely you'll come off as awkward or creepy. Worst that can happen is he turns you down, and in that case, you're really no worse off. I say just do it. And I really think you should do it soon.
 
  • #16
Depends on her spelling and grammar. (ie. Can she help me with my essay assignments? How valuable may she be in that regard?)

Seriously though if there was a reason for her to have my email it would be fine, so in this case I would say I may be delightfully surprised - flattered is not the word.
 
  • #17
Evo said:
How would you feel about being contacted out of the blue by a female that thought you were fascinating and handsome?

Would you think she was crazy or would you be interested?

You're a public figure and your e-mail address is widely known.

There's nothing crazy about it in principle, it could be very flattering, but it might easily be off putting. Depends on how it's written.
 
  • #18
I'd feel more suspicious than anything else...
 
  • #19
I am married so it would make me uncomfortable.

If I was single, then it would depend on the motivation of the woman and the approach.

If I was contacted and the statement was focused on me being 'fascinating and handsome', I'd be somewhat put off. If the message was in regard to my work or something that I had published, then I would be more interested.


If the man in question is well-known, and single, then perhaps he already receives such emails, so one's email would have to stand out.


Ultimately the response will depend upon the personality and disposition of the man being contacted. Some men might appreciate it and welcome the contact, and it might lead to a meaningful relationship. Other men, might take advantage of the contact, and set up a one-time rendezvous, and then move on.
 
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  • #20
Apart from all the emails I receive from women who operate webcam subscription sites i'd be flattered. As many others have said it depends how the e-mail was written, but if its clear you don't want the guy to subscribe to your webcam website then you might just start a conversation. Very much depends on the guy though.
 
  • #21
I'd lay off the handsome part and just stick with fascinating at first. In this day and age, a guy can easily be creeped out if he thinks someone's been "stalking" him. But no one can resist having their mind flattered.


(And if he's still in doubt, you can point him here to read your posts and see your pic. Then it's an even playing field. And he'll know you're only a little crazy.)

Q: When you say "out of the blue" do you mean literally he's never met you before? Or do you just mean he knows of you but your approach is without precedent?
 
  • #22
Evo said:
How would you feel about being contacted out of the blue by a female that thought you were fascinating and handsome?
I didn't vote because I'm not sure what you mean. I do get a LOT of such e-mails. They show up in my junk folder where they remain unopened and disappear after a week or so. The first one I got, I opened. It had an advertisement for a watch or something, I don't remember. After that who knows or cares what they contain.
 
  • #23
Kurdt said:
Apart from all the emails I receive from women who operate webcam subscription sites i'd be flattered.
:smile: I get those too.

But that is not the context herein.
 
  • #24
Evo said:
How would you feel about being contacted out of the blue by a female that thought you were fascinating and handsome?

Would you think she was crazy or would you be interested?

Someone who things that I am fascinating or handsome without having ever met me is likely to be nuts since that's quite a leap of faith. It seems rather creepy, really. Naturally, there's a world of difference between that and someone whom I've barely met thinking I'm handsome or fascinating.

Moreover, of the choices of communicating face-to-face, by phone, or by e-mail, the e-mail is typically the least personal (and the most likely to be ignored or misunderstood), so e-mail is an odd option for initial contact.

Of course, what do I know.
 
  • #25
NateTG said:
Someone who things that I am fascinating or handsome without having ever met me is likely to be nuts since that's quite a leap of faith. It seems rather creepy, really.

That's why I thought it would be important to see some description of why someone thinks the other is fascinating. Actually, it may be more that you find his work or writings fascinating more so than him, since you don't know him well enough yet. On the other hand, if there's a photo of him on the website where you found his email address, there's no mystery about how you decided he was handsome.
 
  • #26
Thanks for all the input.

I've seen pictures and video of him, he is very handsome.

I've also read things by him and seen lectures by him, he is very fascinating. Of course I have no idea about his personality, but then the first time you meet someone in real life, you know nothing about them, so it's no different. Since I work with computers and have been online before some of the members here were born, it feels quite natural to me to meet people online.

Yes, I know it's weird to consider contacting someone in this manner, why do you think I'm bringing it up here? :wink: I probably won't go through with it, but since I'm injured and on painkillers, this gives me something to do. :smile:

I guess I should ask my writer friend about his feelings on this. Funny, I met him when he e-mailed me after he read my journal on another forum. His message was "You are so cool! You should move to San Francisco." He's from San Francisco. Of course a person would expect to be contacted on the forum. He's single and attractive, he's written a science tv show for PBS and is currently on a book tour. I wonder if anyone has contacted him out of the blue?
 
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  • #27
"Oh, what a delicate web we weave" said one spider to another spider with their eye(s) on the fly/(prize).
 
  • #28
wolram said:
Run for my life, only a crazy woman would do such a thing.
Oh come on Woolie Ram, you and I have had lots of conversations by PM, the fact that I'm crazy didn't make you run. :-p

mattmns said:
It might be a little strange at first, but if we hit it off, then who cares.
Yay, a positive response!

Moonbear said:
But, if there were more to it, explaining how he knows me (since I don't have a personal website, perhaps it would be something about some of my posts on PF, or some articles of mine he's read) and told me a little about himself, then I might consider at least replying and seeing what happens, or would at least be flattered enough to respond with a thanks but no thanks type reply.
I'm thinking a polite brush off is the best I can hope for. But nothing ventured, nothing gained. I think he would be very interesting to talk to, but I don't know if he'd think I'd have anything interesting to offer in return. That's really one of the things I'm thinking about. What reason would he have to want to get to know me? None that I can think of, I have the advantage of having heard his opinions and learning from him. I'm a complete unknown for him. Yeah, this is sounding like a really dumb idea. But then again, he'd be so cool to correspond with.

SpaceTiger said:
I had this happen a few times on facebook, but always from girls in other states. :-p

It's flattering, of course, but I seldom continue talking to these girls in the long term. The real me is a lot different from the internet me and I think it's best to give my first impressions in person.

The only way I can see it being creepy is if their greeting was really strange or unsettling.
But I "am" really strange and unsettling. :frown: Ok, ST has given me some hope, he's a handsome, fascinating man that's soon to become a legend.

Gale said:
I'm also not a guy, so I didn't vote, but I think you should contact him sooner rather than later. The longer you wait around considering it, the more likely you'll come off as awkward or creepy.
I think it's safe to say I've already waited too long.

Worst that can happen is he turns you down, and in that case, you're really no worse off. I say just do it. And I really think you should do it soon.
Good point.

Okay, how do I not sound awkward and creepy?

I guess I should mention that the guy is well known in quantum physics, so it's not like he's some flighty movie star.
 
  • #29
Evo said:
But I "am" really strange and unsettling. :frown:

Uh oh, have you switched places with one of those Evos in the multiverse? The Evo I know isn't strange and unsettling.


Ok, ST has given me some hope, he's a handsome, fascinating man that's soon to become a legend.

A legend, huh? It's true, I am pretty wicked at the turntable.
 
  • #30
Judging by the poll most people would be quite flattered, so I'd just go for it. Even if most weren't I'd still have a go because there is nothing to lose at all. Nothing ventured and all that.
 
  • #31
SpaceTiger said:
The Evo I know isn't strange and unsettling.
Awww, thanks ST. :smile:

A legend, huh? It's true, I am pretty wicked at the turntable.
I expect to be watching NOVA one day and they'll be talking with "the world famous Astrophysicist SpaceTiger".

Oooh, maybe you can write to this guy and tell him there is a woman at a forum you belong to that you don't consider strange or unsettling that would like to get to know him. How could he not listen to a Princeton Astrophysicist? Ah yes, instant credibility, that's what I need. :biggrin:
 
  • #32
evo--are you worried about having the 'upper hand' or, at least, a card in play?----well, don't----(so far) you seem like a likable person

-------------------------

and maybe more than you think (on those 'other' levels)

--------------------------

(and he could be married)
 
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  • #33
Depends what them e-mail is!
 
  • #34
rewebster said:
you seem like a likable person
I am very likeable, I keep telling my best friend that and he doesn't believe me.

(and he could be married)
:cry:
 
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  • #35
Originally Posted by Evo
But I "am" really strange and unsettling.

Hmm. I find that hard to believe. Maybe you're trying to use that as an explanation for something else. Dunno. Duzzentmatter.

Because I've pretty much kill-filtered the whole wide world, I've never gotten email like that. However, I'm with Astronuc - I'd be uncomfortable and slightly flattered, I guess, since I'm probably close to the oldest fart on PF. :rickety bones:
 
  • #36
If he ever finds this thread, he might think you're creepy...

Maybe I should send him the link...
 
  • #37
Evo said:
I am very likeable, I keep telling my best friend that and he doesn't believe me.

:cry:

HEY---until you find out --you're living in a fantasy world!



...(just like those write/believe in MWI)

-------------------

(wait...isn't that what he writes about?)
 
  • #38
jim mcnamara said:
Hmm. I find that hard to believe. Maybe you're trying to use that as an explanation for something else. Dunno. Duzzentmatter.
I was always an odd child, I wouldn't play with other children because they were too immature, I would make slides for my microscope and read anything I could get my hands on. I had an insatiable thirst for knowledge.

Because I've pretty much kill-filtered the whole wide world, I've never gotten email like that. However, I'm with Astronuc - I'd be uncomfortable and slightly flattered, I guess, since I'm probably close to the oldest fart on PF. :rickety bones:
I'm older than dirt. So, if I were to send you an unsolicited PM, it would make you uncomfortable? Oh wait, I'm not a complete stranger to you.

NeoDevin said:
If he ever finds this thread, he might think you're creepy...

Maybe I should send him the link...
:devil: I can ban you, you know...

And this thread isn't creepy. :rolleyes:
 
  • #39
Evo said:
And this thread isn't creepy. :rolleyes:

yeah, you're right there...




(I can find creepier ones)

edit: (forgot the 'I' in 'creeper')
 
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  • #40
rewebster said:
HEY---until you find out --you're living in a fantasy world!



...(just like those write/believe in MWI)

-------------------

(wait...isn't that what he writes about?)
Yep, however, the first time I saw him was in a documentary about Mallett's time travel theory.
 
  • #41
rewebster said:
yeah, you're right there...




(I can find creeper ones)
Hey a thread about social interaction in today's electronically connected world is...nevermind.
 
  • #42
Evo said:
Hey a thread about social interaction in today's electronically connected world is...nevermind.

OK...now, use that 'sense of humor' with him in your first email
 
  • #43
You know, he's clearly a public figure, it is trivial to come up with a premise for contacting him to discuss something in his works. That's not creepy and will surely be welcomed. After he's gotten to know you, then you can work in the fascinating and handsome part.
 
  • #44
Evo said:
I'm older than dirt.
No, you're not.

Even if I was single, I'd be uncomfortable with any woman contacting me by email with the emphasis on me being 'hot', 'cute', 'attractive', 'handsome', or whatever. In fact, if a strange woman contacted me becasue she thought I was hot, it would turn me off right away.

If a strange woman contacted me about work or anything I wrote and wanted to discuss some aspect of the work or writing, then I'd be interested in a discussion. And assuming I was single and had no other interested, I might be interested in a closer relationship, but the would depend on a lot of factors.
 
  • #45
DaveC426913 said:
You know, he's clearly a public figure, it is trivial to come up with a premise for contacting him to discuss something in his works. That's not creepy and will surely be welcomed. After he's gotten to know you, then you can work in the fascinating and handsome part.
Exactly.
 
  • #46
DaveC426913 said:
You know, he's clearly a public figure, it is trivial to come up with a premise for contacting him to discuss something in his works. That's not creepy and will surely be welcomed. After he's gotten to know you, then you can work in the fascinating and handsome part.
Discuss his work? I can barely understand on the most basic level what he does. I find it very interesting but I don't pretend to be able to grasp it. Quantum computing is just mind blowing.

So, considering that I am intellectually at slug level compared to him, what would you suggest? Remember, I'm a very likeable slug.
 
  • #47
I would suggest sneaking into his bedroom, and hide naked in his bed (assuming of course, there isn't someone already there waiting for him)
 
  • #48
NeoDevin said:
I would suggest sneaking into his bedroom, and hide naked in his bed (assuming of course, there isn't someone already there waiting for him)

what man (he) couldn't resist



(hopefully the other 'someone' isn't a man)
 
  • #49
Sounds like someone has a major crush. How inconvenient. Evo and hotguy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! :biggrin:
 
  • #50
NeoDevin said:
I would suggest sneaking into his bedroom, and hide naked in his bed (assuming of course, there isn't someone already there waiting for him)
So, this would assure him that I am less crazy than if I e-mailed him?
 

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