Understanding Interactions Between Male and Female Students in Academic Settings

[theoritician]

Easy does it, TestUser12.

True, chatting here helped my confidence but in hindsight I should have done it on day 1 or even day 2 had the prof not intervened. Now that I don't freak out saying hi to her, the next step proves a hard challenge and I only have a month left.

 

[TestUser12]

Apologies if I seemed blunt, my point was simply that sometimes in situations like this you need to ignore any shyness and just jump in guns ablazin'. Stewing on the issue just makes it worse and you're only going to live for 900 months, why waste one of them thinking about talking to someone when you could get it over with on day 1?

This comes from experience, I've stewed over things just like theoritician and in my experience it just isn't useful. You just have to get on with it :)

 

[rewebster]

True, chatting here helped my confidence but in hindsight I should have done it on day 1 or even day 2 had the prof not intervened. Now that I don't freak out saying hi to her, the next step proves a hard challenge and I only have a month left.

What are you talking about?

In this 'subset of activities', you've already made it to third base.

Can you say, "Coffee?"

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I have not followed this thread, so I don't know if this is pertinent, or redundant. I was changed from being shy when someone gave me this piece of advice. Start a conversation. If you get nervous, find an excuse to cut and run. Oh! Look at the time. Plant you now, dig you later. The second conversation will go much better that way.

 

[EnumaElish]

True, chatting here helped my confidence but in hindsight I should have done it on day 1 or even day 2 had the prof not intervened. Now that I don't freak out saying hi to her, the next step proves a hard challenge and I only have a month left.

Are you finding an excuse to criticize yourself, as opposed to being realistic and cheerful and saying "I took the first step, yay!"? (Hint: give yourself a break.)

"Easy" really does it better than "hurried" or "stressed."

Have you been neglecting physical activity? When was the last time you broke a sweat?

 

[theoritician]

What are you talking about?

In this 'subset of activities', you've already made it to third base.

Can you say, "Coffee?"

Possibly not. The main thing is to make it natural and a lot of things can go wrong, especially for a theoretician or should I say theoritician like me.

 

[theoritician]

Have you been neglecting physical activity? When was the last time you broke a sweat?

Why do you ask?

 

[mathwonk]

answer to original question:

she may want you to ask her out, or maybe not, the only way to find out is to go ahead and ask her out.

 

[JasonRox]

Why do you ask?

Most people don't break sweats.

 

[theoritician]

answer to original question:

she may want you to ask her out, or maybe not, the only way to find out is to go ahead and ask her out.

I think you've got it. That is why she hasn't done any talking for the past months. But to carry it out into practice is a whole new ball game for me. After all theoreticians don't go out much do they.

 

[JasonRox]

I think you've got it. That is why she hasn't done any talking for the past months. But to carry it out into practice is a whole new ball game for me. After all theoreticians don't go out much do they.

Sure they do.

Feynmann was social person, and so was Einstein.

It's kind of funny that even members of Physics Forums sometimes paint the wrong picture of Mathematicians and Physicists.

 

[mathwonk]

well, that may be why there are so few of us now.

 

[theoritician]

Sure they do.

Feynmann was social person, and so was Einstein.

It's kind of funny that even members of Physics Forums sometimes paint the wrong picture of Mathematicians and Physicists.

I don't know what most people think but to me they are more theorists. A theoritician to me is more of a mathematician hence the ending in cian rather then ist. But I could be the only one making these intepretations.

Mathematicians on average tend to be more eccentric than physicists.

 

[cristo]

I don't know what most people think but to me they are more theorists. A theoritician to me is more of a mathematician hence the ending in cian rather then ist. But I could be the only one making these intepretations.

Mathematicians on average tend to be more eccentric than physicists.

To be honest, I've never even heard of the word "theoretician"-- I would call anyone who studied theoretical physics a theorist! Anyway, this fine line you are drawing is moot-- you should, as a physicist, or whatever you are, be attempting to dispell the stereotype that all physicists/mathematicians have no lives and no social skills. This may be true for the odd one, as in any other profession, but it is not the "norm."

 

[TestUser12]

How do you tell an extroverted statistician from an introverted statistician?

The extroverted statistician is the one looking at the other person's shoes... *groan*

 

[EnumaElish]

Why do you ask?

Two words: stress control.

Bonus: possibly more social interactions, depending on where, when, and with whom one chooses to exercise.

Warning: not a substitute for psychological therapy, esp. for "shy" or reclusive people.

 

[JasonRox]

I don't know what most people think but to me they are more theorists. A theoritician to me is more of a mathematician hence the ending in cian rather then ist. But I could be the only one making these intepretations.

Mathematicians on average tend to be more eccentric than physicists.

Mathematicians still aren't like you describe.

We have a small mathematics department, but many profs for the size. The profs in general are outgoing and sociable, so I have no idea where you get these ideas from.

Not only that, the students in the mathematics department are known to be party animals. How odd is that? Most of our mathematics majors (not mixed with education) go to graduate school. I'm not a party animal, but the other students are. I could never keep up that's for sure. But I am sociable for sure. I'm going into my 4th year, and I am still sociable, in fact, even more so now.

Try reading books like "I want to be a mathematicians." by Paul Halmos, and/or by some guy like Herbert. I know of a few books, but forgot the names. These people talk about their own experience in mathematics and they are all awesome people with great social skills and character. They even talk about people like you who look at mathematicians like they're suppose to be quiet, insanely shy, and lack every type of social skill you can imagine. It's totally wrong. I find it surprising that someone in mathematics doesn't even know this.

 

[EnumaElish]

Mathematicians on average tend to be more eccentric than physicists.

After all theoreticians don't go out much do they.

What do these generalizations get for you?

 

[rewebster]

What are you talking about?

In this 'subset of activities', you've already made it to third base.

Can you say, "Coffee?"

Possibly not. The main thing is to make it natural and a lot of things can go wrong, especially for a theoretician or should I say theoritician like me.

It's easy--break it down into two syllables:

'cof'---the thing you have to do to get something off your chest, so you can breathe easier

and

'fee'---that little bit extra you have to give, to get what you want

 

[JasonRox]

I suggest to seek professional help.

It's either that or this person is a troll.

 

[rewebster]

I suggest to seek professional help.

It's either that or this person is a troll.

sorry, again, there, bud,--I didn't realize that the word 'coffee' was going to hit a nerve

 

[EnumaElish]

I suggest to seek professional help.

It's either that or this person is a troll.

Unlike, "on a roll"?

 

[TeTeC]

I agree with JasonRox. In my physics and mathematics department, most students and professors I know are quite outgoing. And the ones I know best are mostly party animals, although the Belgian city of Louvain-la-Neuve is partly known for its quite exuberant night life.

However, it's generally true that we have to spend more time studying. Especially for freshmen.

 

[JasonRox]

sorry, again, there, bud,--I didn't realize that the word 'coffee' was going to hit a nerve

I wasn't talking about you.

 

[EnumaElish]

It's easy--break it down into two syllables:

'cof'---the thing you have to do to get something off your chest, so you can breathe easier

and

'fee'---that little bit extra you have to give, to get what you want

In some cultures it may be more appropriate and/or more practical to ask to have tea, before moving to coffee.

And, it's only one syllable, implying double the probability of success.

 

[EnumaElish]

sorry, again, there, bud,--I didn't realize that the word 'coffee' was going to hit a nerve

Coffee reminds me JasonRox, who reminds me of Erdos... Or the other way around, in which case the theorem becomes a definition and vice versa.

 

[theoritician]

What are you talking about?

In this 'subset of activities', you've already made it to third base.

Can you say coffee?

Why have I made it to third base? I was just being an idiot before. I better start getting my act together.

 

[theoritician]

I've finally come to understand what people like rewebster and others have been telling me. It took some time but I feel the pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place and I have mental 'picture' of what is going on that I never had before.

I am thinking of telling her now that I like to ask her out after the exams in 3 months time as we both are busy people. Is that too long?

It is better than nothing as she dosen't need to wait for me after class and we both will know what is going on for sure, provided she agrees of course.

 

[EnumaElish]

Sounds too much like a "grandiose plan" for an arranged marriage. "My son will ask for your daughter's hand in 3 months, agreed?" (Handshake.) "Um, dessert?"

Except in your mind you are playing all the parts in the play.

Why are you setting yourself up for failure?

I am thinking of telling her now that I like to ask her out after the exams in 3 months time as we both are busy people.

And what do you see happening to your relationship during the intervening 3 months? Are you going to hide from her? Expect her to hide from you?

It is better than nothing

You are almost ready to settle for nothing, aren't you? Have you thought why?

 

[Moonbear]

I haven't looked in on this thread in a while. Is this STILL going on? Why haven't you asked her out yet if you're so obsessed with asking her out?! The semester is almost over and you've wasted all of it just hemming and hawing.

Look, what's the worst case scenario? You ask her out and she turns down your offer. So? Is that any worse than never getting the nerve up to ask her at all and spending the rest of your days regretting and wondering if you missed a perfect opportunity to date a really pretty young woman? Just ask her out. She'll either say yes or no, and you'll have an answer without spending a whole semester sweating it out. And, get this, even if she says no, you'll see that your whole world did NOT come crashing down around you...though, if you got it over with in the first few days of seeing her, you'd have only wasted a few days of your life mulling it over, while now, you'll sit there wondering why you wasted a whole semester on something that is going nowhere. And, if she says yes, you'll again wonder why you wasted the whole semester waiting to ask her out when you could have been enjoying that time dating her! Ask her out, get an answer, and move onward. If it's no, then you'll know for next time that it's better to ask sooner than later and not waste so much time dwelling on things when you could get a direct answer by just asking.

To put it bluntly, if you never ask anyone out on a date, you're never going to have any dates. That's the whole of dating in a nutshell. Those guys who seem so popular and have lots of dates?...it's because they ask for them, and you can bet they get turned down sometimes too, but keep asking and you'll find some that say yes.

 

[qspeechc]

Just invit her for coffee to discuss work, that way you'll be working and spnding tim with her.

 

[theoritician]

Sounds too much like a "grandiose plan" for an arranged marriage. "My son will ask for your daughter's hand in 3 months, agreed?" (Handshake.) "Um, dessert?"

:rofl::rofl:

I am terrible aren't I. Maybe I am not ready. It's just that I think dating disrupts your mind too much especially for a weak student. So its better to do it in the break. However to gurantee a date in advance is good because we can concentrate on our studies and not waste time wondering what is going on or what not.

 

[theoritician]

I haven't looked in on this thread in a while. Is this STILL going on? Why haven't you asked her out yet if you're so obsessed with asking her out?! The semester is almost over and you've wasted all of it just hemming and hawing.

Look, what's the worst case scenario? You ask her out and she turns down your offer. So? Is that any worse than never getting the nerve up to ask her at all and spending the rest of your days regretting and wondering if you missed a perfect opportunity to date a really pretty young woman? Just ask her out. She'll either say yes or no, and you'll have an answer without spending a whole semester sweating it out. And, get this, even if she says no, you'll see that your whole world did NOT come crashing down around you...though, if you got it over with in the first few days of seeing her, you'd have only wasted a few days of your life mulling it over, while now, you'll sit there wondering why you wasted a whole semester on something that is going nowhere. And, if she says yes, you'll again wonder why you wasted the whole semester waiting to ask her out when you could have been enjoying that time dating her! Ask her out, get an answer, and move onward. If it's no, then you'll know for next time that it's better to ask sooner than later and not waste so much time dwelling on things when you could get a direct answer by just asking.

To put it bluntly, if you never ask anyone out on a date, you're never going to have any dates. That's the whole of dating in a nutshell. Those guys who seem so popular and have lots of dates?...it's because they ask for them, and you can bet they get turned down sometimes too, but keep asking and you'll find some that say yes.

I am thinking of asking her out now but the actual date would be in 3 months time. You think that is not a good idea?

 

[cristo]

I am thinking of asking her out now but the actual date would be in 3 months time.

Why would it be in three month's time? What's wrong with this weekend?

 

[rewebster]

I am thinking of asking her out now but the actual date would be in 3 months time. You think that is not a good idea?

The Physics Forum had a problem: I changed my email, and I hadn't got a confirmation email after 3 days. The 'confirmation' emails were not being sent and without the confirmation response, members aren't able to post or send/read new PM's (the thin/'not bold' look to a user's name means that they can't post or PM for one reason or another). I couldn't PM or post to find out what's wrong, I'd emailed the 'webmaster' from the bottom of the PF nexus page about a half dozen times with no response to find out what's wrong and how to correct it (maybe it wasn't working either). The "PF Prime" and the "PF Nexus" (at the bottom left of the page) have totally different looks and links, too (I was using the "PF Prime" format, which doesn't even have a 'contact us' link). They just fixed the problem and I'm able to 'post' again (thanks whomever!).



Anyway:

In this 'subset of pre-dating activities'

First base--- you saw/found someone you're interested in (and she may be in you).

Second base---you made contact (you got out of your shell) of some sort, and she didn't run.

Third base---you returned to make contact several more times, and she still didn't run.

Fourth base (home run for this stage)---you (causally) ask her to do something (coffee or ?(tea)) outside of the space that has been 'common' ground so far. Einstein dated even when he was in school, if that makes any difference.

Anything can happen to you (or her) in the next three months. Wouldn't it be a pity, a shame, and a waste if something happened that you missed your chance to even go out on a 'study' date (tomorrow maybe even) by you 'thinking' that it would be 'best' if you waited 90 days to get to know her even a little bit?