Why Don't Guys My Age Approach Me?

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The discussion centers around the challenges a young female physics student faces in attracting male peers, contrasting her experiences with unwanted attention from older men. Despite her efforts to engage with guys her age, including dropping hints of interest, she feels overlooked and frustrated. Participants debate the reasons behind this, suggesting that younger men may be shy or socially inept, particularly in a physics context where gender ratios are skewed. The conversation touches on the perception of older men as "creepy," with varying opinions on age differences and attraction dynamics. Some suggest that dressing more conservatively might reduce unwanted attention, while others emphasize the importance of being direct in expressing interest. The thread highlights the complexities of dating within academic settings, especially for women in male-dominated fields, and the societal expectations surrounding age and attraction. Ultimately, it underscores the need for clear communication and the challenges of navigating romantic interests in a university environment.
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I almost NEVER get approached by guys my age even though I'm a female in physics (there are 2 other girls max in all my other physics classes). However, I live off campus and almost every time I make a trip outside I get hit on by these creepy older guys. I've tried talking to guys my age and dropping subtle hints that I'm interested but it never seems to work. I'm so tired of this. Are the standards of older guys too low?
 
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raw said:
I almost NEVER get approached by guys my age even though I'm a female in physics (there are 2 other girls max in all my other physics classes). However, I live off campus and almost every time I make a trip outside I get hit on by these creepy older guys. I've tried talking to guys my age and dropping subtle hints that I'm interested but it never seems to work. I'm so tired of this. Are the standards of older guys too low?
What age is creepy? What is the age difference? Are you 18 and they're 65?
 
Evo said:
What age is creepy? What is the age difference? Are you 18 and they're 65?

I'm 20 and one of the guys that hit on me was 80. I consider creepy over 40.
 
raw said:
I'm 20 and one of the guys that hit on me was 80. I consider creepy over 40.
For a 20 year old girl, I'd agree. Where are you meeting these older men?
 
Evo said:
For a 20 year old girl, I'd agree. Where are you meeting these older men?
Just walking to the bus stop or getting a bagel at dunkin donuts.
 
raw said:
I'm 20 and one of the guys that hit on me was 80. I consider creepy over 40.
I sense a bit of hyperbole here. Either that, or a gross failure of a 20 year old to estimate age. (Don't join the carnival!)

A good time to an eighty year old is watching Jeopardy with some sweet young thing of 50 or 60 and staying up late with her, maybe until 8:00 PM.
 
raw said:
Just walking to the bus stop or getting a bagel at dunkin donuts.
How do you dress? The sexier a woman dresses, the more creeps hit on you. That doesn't mean dressing inappropriately, just what most girls your age would wear. My daughter will wear a shirt under her shirt if it would show cleavage and wear something loose over something fitting. If you're getting unwanted attention, sometimes you need to dress a bit frumpy unless you're ready to "attract".
 
raw said:
Just walking to the bus stop or getting a bagel at dunkin donuts.

Krispey Kreme, far superior donut. Perhaps change shops? There's always 16 - 19 year olds hanging around the one where I live. :rolleyes:

What sort of person are you trying to find? Are you approaching some real nerdy guys who wouldn't catch on you're interested if you walked up to them nude?
 
Evo said:
How do you dress? The sexier a woman dresses, the more creeps hit on you. That doesn't mean dressing inappropriately, just what most girls your age would wear. My daughter will wear a shirt under her shirt if it would show cleavage and wear something loose over something fitting. If you're getting unwanted attention, sometimes you need to dress a bit frumpy unless you're ready to "attract".

Some times I wear tights, heels and a sweater dress but usually I'm dressed down. Even when I'm wearing yoga pants and sweats older guys will hit on me. My house mate has the same problem. Even when she is wearing regular clothing guys will hit on her. We live in a ghost town where many of the residents are unemployed. I guess the older unemployed guys get a kick out of hitting on women and have very low standards considering the women around them are usually 50+ pounds overweight. I'm 5'8" with dark blonde hair so maybe I stand out in that respect.
 
  • #10
It could be the "what have I got to lose, and maybe I'll get lucky" thing.
 
  • #11
raw said:
I've tried talking to guys my age and dropping subtle hints that I'm interested but it never seems to work.

You're almost surely being too subtle. You overestimate the cunning of the male of this species.
 
  • #12
jarednjames said:
Krispey Kreme, far superior donut. Perhaps change shops? There's always 16 - 19 year olds hanging around the one where I live. :rolleyes:

What sort of person are you trying to find? Are you approaching some real nerdy guys who wouldn't catch on you're interested if you walked up to them nude?
I don't really have a type. I'm really bad at reading guys but I try to approach different kinds. Maybe I'm coming off as desperate?
 
  • #13
Evo said:
It could be the "what have I got to lose, and maybe I'll get lucky" thing.

That's definitely is the thing. Like how could an 80 year old think I would be interested in him. Like he's spent 80 years on this Earth yet thinks a 20 year old girl would want to go out with him.
 
  • #14
CRGreathouse said:
You're almost surely being too subtle. You overestimate the cunning of the male of this species.

So what should I do? Last year this guy who is math major kissed me when he was drunk at a party. The next time I saw him I dressed up (heels and all) and he told my friend that he didn't want to be in a relationship right now. I'm just afraid of coming off as desperate and being rejected. I don't know how to balance not being to subtle with not coming off as desperate.
 
  • #15
... a physics girl not being hit on by the guys in your department? Where do you live? Backwardsville?

The most likely possibility is that there is a nasty rumor going around that you murdered your last bf because he didn't obey your every command and everyone knows it
 
  • #16
raw said:
I don't really have a type. I'm really bad at reading guys but I try to approach different kinds. Maybe I'm coming off as desperate?

Maybe, but some people couldn't take a hint if you slapped them in the face with a big sign spelling it out.
 
  • #17
Pengwuino said:
... a physics girl not being hit on by the guys in your department? Where do you live? Backwardsville?

The most likely possibility is that there is a nasty rumor going around that you murdered your last bf because he didn't obey your every command and everyone knows it
Lol, I doubt it. But really I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm not a troll I swear.
 
  • #18
Ok, prepare to get fixed.

Men don't get subtle, it confuses them.

How do you approach a guy you want to go out with? What do you do and say?

Oh YAY, the test Pengwuin is here!
 
  • #19
Evo said:
Oh YAY, the test Pengwuin is here!

Yah time to beat some common sense into people.
 
  • #20
evo said:
men don't get subtle

qft.
 
  • #21
Evo said:
Ok, prepare to get fixed.

Men don't get subtle, it confuses them.

How do you approach a guy you want to go out with? What do you do and say?

Oh YAY, the test Pengwuin is here!
I talk to them. I ask them about classes and their opinions on professors and so on. I make sure to make eye contact and seem interested.
 
  • #22
The main thing I want to know is why more guys aren't hitting on me? What could I be doing wrong. I'm not attractive enough to be intimidating (except when I'm wearing heels maybe) yet I'm not so unattractive that I'm appalling. It must be something to do with my personality/behavior.
 
  • #23
Ok, when I spotted a guy I wanted to go out with, I walked up to him and asked "Where are you taking me friday night?" Worked every time. It worked on med students, chemical engineers, aerospace engineers, nuclear physicists. The closest I came to a turn down was one guy that said he already had plans Friday, but he could take me out Saturday. I wasn't a knockout, but I was cute and smart.
 
  • #24
Evo said:
Ok, when I spotted a guy I wanted to go out with, I walked up to him and asked "Where are you taking me friday night?" Worked every time.

The thing is if I'm rejected I will have to face that guy almost daily in class...
 
  • #25
raw said:
The main thing I want to know is why more guys aren't hitting on me? What could I be doing wrong. I'm not attractive enough to be intimidating (except when I'm wearing heels maybe) yet I'm not so unattractive that I'm appalling. It must be something to do with my personality/behavior.

If you find someone interesting, ask them out to lunch. That's what guys have to do with girls.

And it's not that guys don't get subtle, they get it. It's just that there's many girls who throw subtle hints out without knowing they're doing anything and guys get burned when they ask them out and find out they have a boyfriend or they were never interested.
 
  • #26
raw said:
The thing is if I'm rejected I will have to face that guy almost daily in class...
Never asked out someone in school. It was usually a guy that went to another school, or worked at NASA. Oh yeah, 50 intelligent men 22-25 years old to every woman.
 
  • #27
raw said:
I talk to them. I ask them about classes and their opinions on professors and so on. I make sure to make eye contact and seem interested.
Speaking as a (typical socially inept) guy, I'd read that as friendly conversation. It comes across as "I don't hate you but I'm not interested in you."

Then again, what do I know :rolleyes:
 
  • #28
Oh Jesus guys. I can't believe no one is saying the obvious reason. They're shy! They're physics guys for goodness sake and in general they're introverted and also they're young like you and mostly inexperienced, I mean, "what I'm gonna' do with her once I get her?" kinda' thing. You've got to pretty much hold their hands (help them meet you). I know, it's embarrassing but true for girls in general and not just for physics guys. By the time a girl hits 20 or so, she is supremely experienced in dating, in general anyway. Guys, many anyway, no. Not even close.
 
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  • #29
I'm rather surprised no one in your Physics classes has hit on you, don't you have any male friends in these classes, because that's almost always a starting point for these kinds of things.

Anyways your possible relationships don't always have to be confined to people in the Physics department. If your school has some kind of common place like a lounge or a library you could always try striking up a conversation there.

You'd be surprised how receptive men are to a pretty girl saying hello.
 
  • #30
If that's you in your profile pic, I'd just pull a move like that in front of them. Demonstrate your 'flexibility' so to speak. :-p
 
  • #31
I'd say true about subtleness and true about shyness. From my time at uni I recall the same image mentioned by raw, that in a lecturer hall of 50 or more there would often be only 2-3 girls and the excuses I back then would conjure up in order not go over and talk to them was a mixture of 1) "she is probably tired of constantly being contacted by boys", 2) "if I talk to her she will think I'm trying to hit on her", 3) "if I talk to her, the other boys will think I'm trying to hit on her", 4) "if she sits with another girl that must mean she doesn't want to talk with boys", 5) "if I talk to her and she turns out nice I may fall in love with her (yeah, young boys can fall in love with just a smile and a kind word)".

Eventually I came to the conclusion that that all those excuses were nonsense, so I ended up talking to whomever I sat next to regardless of gender or, like when grouping for exercises, when someone sad alone but looked interested to group. And girls often showed to be much more easy to talk with than boys who, unless they were friends, often brought a competitive edge to the conversation.

So, what I guess I'm trying to say is, if you want boys to talk with you then by all means start talking to them, and if you want to take it further than classroom talk then smiling that special smile should pave the way for you to bring out something like Evo's pickup line in case he is too shy to act on your smiling alone. Starting out with the pickup line too fast may work but it will probably also scare some off.

And I can't believe I'm sitting here trying to be clever on this topic ...
 
  • #32
raw said:
The thing is if I'm rejected I will have to face that guy almost daily in class...

That may be *exactly* what the guys in your class are thinking, only with the gender parity switched.

So maybe peruse the chemistry, math, or engineering departments?
 
  • #33
Well there you go. You know, there is some benefit to being rejected: they know where you stand. You like them. Of course if you act like a jerk and treat them crummy cus' they rejected you, then no benefit to you. But if, after being so horrendously defeated, you're still nice, say hi, maybe even a smile or two, but nothing too forward, well, that's golden: you're still there so if things change, well, you already got a foot in the door is all I'm sayin'. At least that's how a guy should be. Maybe though different for a female.
 
  • #34
Continue showing interest after being rejected and you stand a good chance of being used for casual sex. That could do more harm than good if you misinterpret this as their desire to be with you.
 
  • #35
Why is this thread still going on. Ask a guy out to lunch. Done.

If this was a guy having problems with girls, everyone would have just been like "ask the girl out. done". Done! Girls should have to play the same annoying games guys have to.
 
  • #36
Pengwuino said:
Why is this thread still going on. Ask a guy out to lunch. Done.

If this was a guy having problems with girls, everyone would have just been like "ask the girl out. done". Done! Girls should have to play the same annoying games guys have to.

I disagree. It's not the same with girls. You ask him out and he'll think he has you. Without any work even! I mean great, she's askin' me out. That'll be easy I bet. She likes me and will probably give it up easily. No prob-lem-mo. I like them kind. I believe girls have to worry about that sort of thing all the time and I think that's the main reason they don't ask guys out much.
 
  • #37
jackmell said:
I disagree. It's not the same with girls. You ask him out and he'll think he has you. Without any work even! I mean great, she's askin' me out. That'll be easy I bet. She likes me and will probably give it up easily. No prob-lem-mo. I like them kind. I believe girls have to worry about that sort of thing all the time and I think that's the main reason they don't ask guys out much.
Hmmm - that was never my expectation. When I was 19, a girl (sister of a friend) called me up and asked if I would come over. I did, and shortly afterward, we started dating, but that lasted about 4 months. We were rather different in the things we liked, so we went separate ways.

She also told me she was taking birth control pills, but I didn't pursue that, which might be one reason we parted ways.
 
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  • #38
Astronuc said:
Hmmm - that was never my expectation. When I was 19, a girl (sister of a friend) called me up and asked if I would come over. I did, and shortly afterward, we started dating, but that lasted about 4 months. We were rather different in the things we liked, so we went separate ways.

She also told me she was taking birth control pills, but I didn't pursue that, which might be one reason we parted ways.

Astronuc . . . I've read a number of your post and you strike me as a gentleman and a scholar. Seriously. So I am not a bit surprised you would say that which I think is admirable as I would find it disrespectful to a woman to just use her for sex although I am a guy and well, I could get weak and all and drop the morals at least a few times anyway.

However I think you're the exception as I believe a lot of guys would interpret her forwardness in asking him out as a sign that she'll give it up easily and I think she believes this and that is why females do not often ask guys out.
 
  • #39
jackmell said:
However I think you're the exception as I believe a lot of guys would interpret her forwardness in asking him out as a sign that she'll give it up easily and I think she believes this and that is why females do not often ask guys out.
Actually, she wanted some company. Her mom was in hospital for tests and she was upset. I spent some time with her, and the dating started later.

Her brother was a friend, and I had helped him help her to move earlier that year.

I've never taken advantage of anyone, and never will.


Besides, I considered every woman I dated as a potential wife. For me, it was a matter of finding the right woman.
 
  • #40
jackmell said:
However I think you're the exception as I believe a lot of guys would interpret her forwardness in asking him out as a sign that she'll give it up easily and I think she believes this and that is why females do not often ask guys out.

This doesn't really jive with the guys she apparently can't get to notice her though. The type of guys who would see a girl asking them out as "man i so want in your pants" are probably not the type of guy to have basically ignored her "advances" so far at this point.
 
  • #41
Pengwuino said:
This doesn't really jive with the guys she apparently can't get to notice her though. The type of guys who would see a girl asking them out as "man i so want in your pants" are probably not the type of guy to have basically ignored her "advances" so far at this point.

Well, I think in general the guys are shy and introverted and also it depends on how nice she looks. Pretty girl hits on an available guy, he'll take interest most often I think.
 
  • #42
jarednjames said:
If that's you in your profile pic, I'd just pull a move like that in front of them. Demonstrate your 'flexibility' so to speak. :-p

Yeah that is me in my profile pic. I'm actually not that felxible. Who under the age of 35 in a normal weight range can't do that?
 
  • #43
raw said:
Yeah that is me in my profile pic. I'm actually not that felxible. Who under the age of 35 in a normal weight range can't do that?

Me. I'm a dude. Bending like that just ain't part of my repetoire.
 
  • #44
that is reasonably flexible. i go to the gym daily. i don't think the average girl can do that. certainly not the average guy.

as far as "being creepy", i wouldn't place an age on it. rather look at the guy, and the life left in him. unless he is a one of a kind, 80 is going to be too old. but not necessarily true of someone in their 40s or 50s.

some situations are uniquely different.
 
  • #45
Pengwuino said:
Why is this thread still going on. Ask a guy out to lunch. Done.

If this was a guy having problems with girls, everyone would have just been like "ask the girl out. done". Done! Girls should have to play the same annoying games guys have to.

Ahmen, brother!
 
  • #46
80 would work for me if the money ]and the will] was right - how long could the old buzzard live?. Seriously, its just a testosterone thing. Most gals are oblivious to 'hits' by old guys because it happens so often they have become immune. You just mumble something polite and move on. Most young guys are on guard because they are looking for the 'right' girl. So, you must be clever. It is easier if you are willing to settle for a moron looking for the second coming of 'mommy' - don't be that girl.
 
  • #47
raw said:
Yeah that is me in my profile pic. I'm actually not that felxible. Who under the age of 35 in a normal weight range can't do that?

I'm pretty sure I'd go into cardiac arrest.

But maybe that would be the grading catching up to me.

Wait, are you walking up to people in that pose? Actually that should have the opposite effect...
 
  • #48
Haha glad I am flexible compared to someone...you guys make me feel good. In my yoga class I am one of the least flexible, it's embarrassing some time.
 
  • #49
raw said:
Haha glad I am flexible compared to someone...you guys make me feel good. In my yoga class I am one of the least flexible, it's embarrassing some time.

:bugeye: You're not that flexible? What's your basis for comparison?

Are these women in your class?

flexible_trip_20090831_1303896036.jpg
 
  • #50
Dembadon said:
:bugeye: You're not that flexible? What's your basis for comparison?

Are these women in your class?

Common Dembadon. A gymnast bridge ? Anyone should be able to do that. Regardless of age. :devil:
 

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