Are Scientists Avoiding Non-Scientist Partners Due to Compatibility Concerns?

[causalset]

Whenever I have a girlfriend I always feel ashamed to tell about her to my parents. I am also afraid of marriage. It seems like if it gets to this point the life will be over. I could never properly explain to any of my girls why is it I am afraid of these things.

Just recently I was in a banquet in strings conference and they told a joke about a guy and a girl breaking up because one was in string theory and the other was in loop quantum gravity. And the first thing I thought was "man, arent they lucky". In my case none of the girls I dated were physicists. The closest I got was a biochemist and even then she is not a theorist; she is very industry oriented as evidenced by the fact that eventually she chose to leave grad school (with a master) in favor of industry.

Now that this got my attention, I asked myself: what if I were to date a theoretical physicist with a ph.d., working on my level; would I have any of these fears? My honest answer is that I don't know; I have to see. But the fact that it is "conceivable" that I will NOT have these fears is pretty amaising, given that I could never imagine myself without these fears for the past few years, no matter how hard the girls pushed me to change. The reason why I would feel a lot more at ease dating a physicist is that I won't have to "step out of my life" the way I do now, will I? Even MARRYING a physicist won't be such a big of a leap.

Could it be that THIS is why none of the girls understand my fears? THEY would not date someone "far off on the left field" to begin with. I am the only one being desperate and going for girls I am not compatible with, simply because the girls I WANT to date (such as a math graduate student I ran onto few years ago) don't want to date me. So this explains why none of the girls I do date understand any of my fears. Perhaps they feel about me the same way as I would feel about theoretical physicist (they won't have been dating me if they didnt). And if I were to date a theoretical physicist, I would be A LOT more comfortable and marriage or anything of this kind would pretty much be non-event.

This brings me to asking you guys: would YOU personally ever date a non-physicist, or non-scientist? If most people in science community would NOT date the kind of girls I am dating, then I do in fact have a very good reason to worry!

 

[cristo]

My girlfriend is not a scientist. Personally, I don't have such criteria in mind; in fact, I doubt I'd like to date someone who does what I do, simply because conversations will then always be about work.

I think you need to step back, stop over-analysing people before you talk to them, and start dating someone you get on with and can have a laugh with.

 

[zoobyshoe]

It wouldn't occur to me to want, much less require, a woman who was conversant with what I did all day long. I'd probably prefer a girlfriend who represented a break from all that, who offered all the human experiences that daily work didn't provide.

 

[Pengwuino]

God. I'd shoot myself if I had to date not just solely in the sciences, but solely a physicist!

What next? She has to have the same color hair as me? same shoe size? eat the same food? If physics is determining who you marry, you need to take a step back. I know there are some people who would disagree with me, but it's not THAT important.

 

[Dembadon]

My girlfriend is not a scientist. Personally, I don't have such criteria in mind; in fact, I doubt I'd like to date someone who does what I do, simply because conversations will then always be about work.

I think you need to step back, stop over-analysing people before you talk to them, and start dating someone you get on with and can have a laugh with.

/like

My wife isn't a scientist, and I'm lucky to have her heart.

 

[BobG]

I'd prefer to date someone that had at least a bachelor's degree, but, to be honest, a successful career would be more important than the degree.

Aw, who am I kidding? I'd date a stripper if she at least said she had a Physics, PhD.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Aw, who am I kidding? I'd date a stripper if she at least said she had a Physics, PhD.

I don't think Feynman would have been so stringent.

 

[daveb]

I'm dating a non-scientist (in the traditional sense) right now. What's more important to me is a healthily skeptical curiosity about the universe.

 

[fluidistic]

This poll is broken.
16 voters only and... tons of votes. No need to count them but you clearly see that there are more than 16 votes on the graphic.
Also... I can't believe that it's so tight. Almost all people voted on all the choices. This is ridiculous, flawed.
P.S.:I voted for no minimal requirement, except the fact of her being a woman.

 

[zoobyshoe]

No need to count them but you clearly see that there are more than 16 votes on the graphic.

Very hinkey, yes.

 

[Astronuc]

Whenever I have a girlfriend I always feel ashamed to tell about her to my parents. I am also afraid of marriage. It seems like if it gets to this point the life will be over. I could never properly explain to any of my girls why is it I am afraid of these things.
. . .
. . . But the fact that it is "conceivable" that I will NOT have these fears is pretty amaising, given that I could never imagine myself without these fears for the past few years, no matter how hard the girls pushed me to change. . . .

Could it be that THIS is why none of the girls understand my fears? THEY would not date someone "far off on the left field" to begin with. I am the only one being desperate and going for girls I am not compatible with, simply because the girls I WANT to date (such as a math graduate student I ran onto few years ago) don't want to date me. So this explains why none of the girls I do date understand any of my fears. . . .

. . . , then I do in fact have a very good reason to worry!

Consider dating a psychologist.

I once dated a woman who only had a GED. I was quite serious about her, but the relationship was complicated, and we went our separate ways.

Actually, my wife has degrees in psychology.

 

[Evo]

This poll is broken.
16 voters only and... tons of votes. No need to count them but you clearly see that there are more than 16 votes on the graphic.
Also... I can't believe that it's so tight. Almost all people voted on all the choices. This is ridiculous, flawed.
P.S.:I voted for no minimal requirement, except the fact of her being a woman.

The vote was set so that each member could vote for every category. That means each member can vote 15 times. So that is correct.

 

[fluidistic]

The vote was set so that each member could vote for every category. That means each member can vote 15 times. So that is correct.

Ah I see! Now I get it :D

 

[G01]

Personally, I would prefer a girlfriend who wasn't a scientist. I want someone who can expand my horizons and introduce me to other interesting and valuable pursuits.

 

[KingNothing]

I mainly care about looks.

 

[Constantinos]

I believe this question is meaningless.

We all pick with different criteria. There are people who only care about... the more physical side of a relationship and therefore have no use for academic qualifications. Others want more intimacy and could feel better if they could discuss everyday work problems with their significant others. How can you meaningfully compare the choices of these two? What meaningful information can you gain from such a comparison or from the preferences of others seen in the poll?

Perhaps a better question would be "Would you date a non-scientist IF what you look for in a relationship is so-and-so"

 

[Lisa!]

I believe this question is meaningless.

We all pick with different criteria. There are people who only care about... the more physical side of a relationship and therefore have no use for academic qualifications. Others want more intimacy and could feel better if they could discuss everyday work problems with their significant others. How can you meaningfully compare the choices of these two? What meaningful information can you gain from such a comparison or from the preferences of others seen in the poll?

Perhaps a better question would be "Would you date a non-scientist IF what you look for in a relationship is so-and-so"

Well if that's the case, you have to agree that almost any comparison question is meaningless since people have different tastes and if the majority of them like something that can't help you to like it as well

 

[Constantinos]

Well if that's the case, you have to agree that almost any comparison question is meaningless since people have different tastes and if the majority of them like something that can't help you to like it as well

Well yes I agree. Although I don't see why MOST comparisons as you say are such comparisons. There are huge groups of people who have the same tastes. For example most men like women. And to back up my previous point, if I was gay, how would the fact that most men like women help me like them too?

What I was saying above is similar to having many solutions to the same problem. For example setting up a new desktop computer for office work. There are many solutions to this problem (computers to buy), and all can be compared more or less according to my overall office work experience. But aiming for a computer to play games is a different problem with different solutions which cannot be compared to solutions of the previous problem because they don't have the same goal.

the OP says:

"This brings me to asking you guys: would YOU personally ever date a non-physicist, or non-scientist? If most people in science community would NOT date the kind of girls I am dating, then I do in fact have a very good reason to worry!"

And what I'm suggesting is that maybe a better question is "would YOU personally ever date a non-physicist, or non-scientist IF what you look for in a relationship is what I look for as well?" Why would the OP care for the answers of people who ,for example, only want sex from a relationship since he obviously doesn't care only for that?

 

[shelovesmath]

This thread cracks me up.

Your significant other doesn't need to understand what you do for a living so long as he/she respects it. I'm married to a computer programmer, and for years I didn't understand much of what he does, but I knew enough to be able to listen to him tell me about his day or a project he was working on because he is good at breaking things down to a level of someone who doesn't do what he does.

He doesn't understand all the math I'm studying, but it's not an issue.

 

[blade123]

It's more important that I'm comfortable around them than anything else...

I don't care what profession they're in, as long as they're doing something with their lives...

 

[Lisa!]

Well yes I agree. Although I don't see why MOST comparisons as you say are such comparisons. There are huge groups of people who have the same tastes. For example most men like women. And to back up my previous point, if I was gay, how would the fact that most men like women help me like them too?

What I was saying above is similar to having many solutions to the same problem. For example setting up a new desktop computer for office work. There are many solutions to this problem (computers to buy), and all can be compared more or less according to my overall office work experience. But aiming for a computer to play games is a different problem with different solutions which cannot be compared to solutions of the previous problem because they don't have the same goal.

the OP says:

"This brings me to asking you guys: would YOU personally ever date a non-physicist, or non-scientist? If most people in science community would NOT date the kind of girls I am dating, then I do in fact have a very good reason to worry!"

And what I'm suggesting is that maybe a better question is "would YOU personally ever date a non-physicist, or non-scientist IF what you look for in a relationship is what I look for as well?" Why would the OP care for the answers of people who ,for example, only want sex from a relationship since he obviously doesn't care only for that?

Sorry!
I hadn't read the last part of your post carefully...

 

[xAstronomer]

Profession wouldn't really matter to me (maybe that will change when I'm an adult, who knows lol)

 

[thegreenlaser]

My girlfriend not only isn't in science but she can't stand math/physics/engineering. We get along fine, we just don't talk about the technicalities of my school work. My criteria was/is essentially that I can be good friends with a girl before dating her. I wouldn't be opposed to dating someone who's in a technical degree, but it's definitely not a requirement or even a concern of mine. When I talk to my girlfriend about school, I usually want to talk about the "I had a good/bad day" side of it anyway, not the "I had trouble solving this problem because there was this really hard differential equation of the 4th order" side of it.

 

[Carnivroar]

My girlfriend is a psychology major and she is the complete opposite of me in nearly every aspect, and I couldn't be happier with anyone else. :!) I tend not to like people who are similar to me.

 

[BobG]

I tend not to like people who are similar to me.

Same here. But that's because I'm a jerk.

 

[rootX]

Same here. But that's because I'm a jerk.

 

[causalset]

I believe this question is meaningless.

We all pick with different criteria. There are people who only care about... the more physical side of a relationship and therefore have no use for academic qualifications. Others want more intimacy and could feel better if they could discuss everyday work problems with their significant others. How can you meaningfully compare the choices of these two? What meaningful information can you gain from such a comparison or from the preferences of others seen in the poll?

Perhaps a better question would be "Would you date a non-scientist IF what you look for in a relationship is so-and-so"

I guess in my case I am looking more on an emotional side than sexual. What I want from a relationship is a combination of a feeling of self-worth as well as the fulfillment of a need to connect to someone emotionally.

On self worth part, I need to convince myself that someone appreciates me enough to actually date me. This is a big issue because, due to Asperger Syndrome, most people don't.

On emotionally connecting part, I guess I just don't want to feel lonely and want someone to care for me. I feel that perhaps if I will be with the right girl it would take me to "another dimension" so to speak. Well I had 7 girls and none of them took me to "another dimension". But on the other hand, there was that other girl, Anne, who rejected me. SHE was the graduate student in math. And I feel that if only I had HER, things would be perfect, because I enjoyed that week I spent with her back in 2005. That is what makes me wonder that perhaps I can replace her with someone else who is either a graduate student, like she was, or better.

What I don't want from a relationship is a girl that requires so much time that it sacrifices my physics. That is one reason I feel scientist would respect that.

The other reason I want a scientist is self worth part. I mean if I think about it, it sounds very silly if I "look up" to a girl who only has high school deploma as a credible source of someone who "appreciates me". In fact, it will only ruin my self esteem more. I mean how can I respect myself if I am willing to stoop down to a level that most physicists don't? And this is where the "poll" comes in: if most physicists ARE willing to date non-scientists then perhaps it is not such a bad thing.

 

[Carnivroar]

I guess in my case I am looking more on an emotional side than sexual. What I want from a relationship is a combination of a feeling of self-worth as well as the fulfillment of a need to connect to someone emotionally.

On self worth part, I need to convince myself that someone appreciates me enough to actually date me. This is a big issue because, due to Asperger Syndrome, most people don't.

On emotionally connecting part, I guess I just don't want to feel lonely and want someone to care for me. I feel that perhaps if I will be with the right girl it would take me to "another dimension" so to speak. Well I had 7 girls and none of them took me to "another dimension". But on the other hand, there was that other girl, Anne, who rejected me. SHE was the graduate student in math. And I feel that if only I had HER, things would be perfect, because I enjoyed that week I spent with her back in 2005. That is what makes me wonder that perhaps I can replace her with someone else who is either a graduate student, like she was, or better.

What I don't want from a relationship is a girl that requires so much time that it sacrifices my physics. That is one reason I feel scientist would respect that.

The other reason I want a scientist is self worth part. I mean if I think about it, it sounds very silly if I "look up" to a girl who only has high school deploma as a credible source of someone who "appreciates me". In fact, it will only ruin my self esteem more. I mean how can I respect myself if I am willing to stoop down to a level that most physicists don't? And this is where the "poll" comes in: if most physicists ARE willing to date non-scientists then perhaps it is not such a bad thing.

I think the problem here is not the women, it's you. You sound very narrow minded and unwilling to accept anything that's different from yourself.

 

[morninglover1]

im in the medical field and altho have been propositioned by doctors and have dated 1 doctor I am not going to have one as a bf and definitely not one as a husband. what talk abt medical stuff all day long..gag.

 

[tenchotomic]

Ahhhhh

Choosing a girl on the basis of her educational qualification,sorry,I'd never do that.

 

[flyingpig]

Where is the "doctor" option? Free medical care anyone?

 

[Hyperspace2]

it wil be funny to imagine two scientists marry and in honeymoon, they argue about
theories about cosmos and relativity.

 

[Hyperspace2]

i think it's good to date a female partner and marry who is less qualified in your field. it will not bring ego problem.

 

[daveyrocket]

I spend all day around theoretical physicists. I've never met another group of people with such a high percentage of dull and boring personalities. I'll take a girl with no education and the ability to dance well any day of the week over a physicist.

 

[wisvuze]

the question should be: would a non-scientist date a scientist? :P

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I'm out of the dating game since I got married. Still, I voted for no minimal requirements based on my past behavior. I know that sounds like I was desperate, but it isn't really true. After one particularly bad experience, I always insisted on a pulse.

 

[QuantumCandy]

eeep! this thread is very hard to read. at first i was thinking that you need to relax and get over it BUT then after thinking about my own personal experiences, i can say with certainty that finding someone who holds your interest is SO important. Usually that means having the same intelligence level and same appreciation and interest in academia. What i do not agree with, however, is that you need to date someone in the same field as you. It might become overwhelming. If you're parents would be ashamed of you for dating a non PhD then that is sad :(

Just look for someone who makes you happy, and someone who challenges you on several levels - and someone who is either in your intellectual demographic or who is passionate about many of the same things.