Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ivan Seeking]

Crack some eggs to make the umlaut.

That will be an oeuf of that!

 

[BillTre]

 

[sbrothy]

Ooh, you're being subtle! And it's something French you are! An artisté?

(I'm joking. I know the diacritic doesn't belong there.)




EDIT: Though I have to go see to one of my "patients".... Later..

 

[fresh_42]

That will be an oeuf of that!

Now I know how to get an American to pronounce ö. I always referred to urgent, which isn't quite it.

 

[jack action]

A nightingale was flying over the Siberian tundra and singing. Higher and higher it flew until suddenly it froze and fell to the ground. A bear passed by and took a dump on it. Warmed by the scat it came to and promply started singing again. This attracted the attention of a wild cat which dug it out and ate it!

Now there are 4 morales to this story.

1.)
Obviously don’t fly higher than your wings will carry (or something, obviously something was lost in translation), and what goes up must come down!

2.)
Not everyone dumping on you is an enemy.

3.)
Not everyone pulling you out of the s… is a friend.

And finally:

4.)
Don’t sing while you’re burrowed in s…!

This is one of my favorite quotes from a movie:

​

 

[sbrothy]

Now I know how to get an American to pronounce ö. I always referred to urgent, which isn't quite it.

Sir

 

[WWGD]

This is the second time you tell me this no? Perhaps something is lost in translation or I'm just too dense. I'm afraid I need it explained...

EDIT: Also, it really is an apostrophe I'm missing isn't it?

EDIT3: Some diacritic anyway.

EDIT4: Acute accent.

Sorry, got mixed up with your empty set letter. What's its name?

 

[fresh_42]

Sir

The problem is the 'r'. It makes it impossible to separate the two letters, and a rolled tongue is exactly why 'ö' (or 'ü') doesn't work.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[mjc123]

Wasn't there a famous one that read " die baby, die"?

Sideshow Bob had a tattoo "Die, Bart, Die". This caused the parole board some concern until he explained it was German for "The Bart, The". This allayed their fears because, as one of them said, "No-one who speaks German can possibly be an evil monster."

 

[fresh_42]

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 365265

Very apt. “Succint is verbose for terse”

 

[Borg]

Did you hear about the guy who tried to rob the theater during a play?

He was caught in the act.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[sbrothy]

View attachment 365270

That is downright dangerous! I think you’d be stopped pretty quickly in Denmark. Probably Photoshop tho.

 

[WWGD]

That is downright dangerous! I think you’d be stopped pretty quickly in Denmark. Probably Photoshop tho.

I suspect a good chunk of those jokes are made using Adobe. Like some of those church ones.

 

[jtbell]

 

[WWGD]

Maybe told this one before:

Sylverster Stallone opened up an Optical store in Siberia: The Eye of the Taiga.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 365274

As if you could still distinguish A,B,C,D, ... given the 800!

 

[WWGD]

For that occasional dark joke: A recording of James Holmes, the Colorado movie theater shooter, was found: " I said NO BUTTER in my popcorn".

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[symbolipoint]

As if you could still distinguish A,B,C,D, ... given the 800!

The important clue is how first character and last character resemble each other. Might not work if less than eight floors in the building.

 

[sbrothy]

EDIT4: I don't think the name-link works in the quotes so, I'm pulling it out so @symbolipoint gets a notice:

"I deleted this because what I wrote looked like I thought @symbolipoint was some kind of slow person. I have no idea what I was thinking and I profusely apologize."

-------------------------------------------



What a nice place this is. Several people helping instantly!

EDIT: ok that didn’t make much sense. I misread senders

EDIT2: and I’m talking about something Else entirely. Sorry !!!

EDIT3: I really wish I was drunk or on drugs. That would help explain my scatterbrain-Ness. Alas.

 

[DaveC426913]

What a nice place this is. Several people helping instantly!

EDIT: ok that didn’t make much sense. I misread senders

EDIT2: and I’m talking about something Else entirely. Sorry !!!

EDIT3: I really wish I was drunk or on drugs. That would help explain my scatterbrain-Ness. Alas.

Hey! Less chatting! More story-reading!

 

[sbrothy]

Hah yeah! Problem is I’m on my way from one “client” to the other!

On the bus. With my bicycle no less!

 

[sbrothy]

But yeah, seriously. I finally have a couple of hours for myself now. I'll make a cuppa tea, put some relaxing music on and see if I can't get going....

 

[jack action]

That is downright dangerous! I think you’d be stopped pretty quickly in Denmark. Probably Photoshop tho.

I suspect a good chunk of those jokes are made using Adobe. Like some of those church ones.

In the US, there is no need for photoshop:

​

 

[WWGD]

In the US, there is no need for photoshop:

​

Is that Fred G. Sanford's? :)?

 

[davenn]