How Did PrudensOptimus's Dating Adventure Turn Out?

[Chrono]

Update to "Girl Trouble" Thread

OK, PrudensOptimus, it has been a couple of months now. I'm curious as to how things are going. Did you ever make a date? Find another girl? Or, are you still where you were?

I think some other guys out there shared their problems. I think it's time for a little update.

 

[jimmy p]

yeah Prudens, spill some proverbial beans! Haha, just to share a slice of my life, I am still single but i am interested in a girl. However i can't read people at all so i don't know if she likes me or not.

 

[motai]

yeah Prudens, spill some proverbial beans! Haha, just to share a slice of my life, I am still single but i am interested in a girl. However i can't read people at all so i don't know if she likes me or not.

Same situation here. Single and interested in [many] girls. I can't read people well either, but I try to make an attempt to establish some form of connection (though I am not good at that either).

 

[Imparcticle]

Okay guys! here's a tip or two:
- smile
- do what she likes, with your own flare to it
- be totally yourself
- don't be nervous; just relax

 

[Tsu]

I haven't seen Prudens around for a while. I just checked and his last post was 3/1. I think I saw his last activity was 3/8. Maybe he got his girl and has no time for PF anymore.

 

[The_Professional]

Okay guys! here's a tip or two:
- don't be nervous; just relax

It's okay and normal to feel nervous. Just don't say it to her! Acknowledge it inwardly

 

[Chrono]

The main reason I brought this up is that when Prudens was having his trouble with the girl, I was having a bit of my own trouble. Now, just recently, I think things are going for the better.

 

[cookiemonster]

Okay guys! here's a tip or two:
- smile
- do what she likes, with your own flare to it
- be totally yourself
- don't be nervous; just relax

That still doesn't help with the whole "picking one to pursue" part.

cookiemonster

 

[Tsu]

That still doesn't help with the whole "picking one to pursue" part.

cookiemonster

Are your pheromone receptors DEAD??

 

[hitssquad]

A relaxed smile

Okay guys! here's a tip or two:
- smile

But I don't like to smile.

- do what she likes

But what if she likes to frown?

- be totally yourself

But you said to smile.

- don't be nervous; just relax

I can't relax; you said to smile.

 

[cookiemonster]

Are your pheromone receptors DEAD??

Not dead, just mildly overwhelmed.

cookiemonster

 

[Tsu]

Not dead, just mildly overwhelmed.

cookiemonster

By WHAT!

Hitsquad, maybe you should just go the movies by yourself.

 

[cookiemonster]

By... What do you think?

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Hi guys, how are you?

My apologies for barging into a all-male conversation, hope you don't mind. I just thought maybe you could use a little trojan horse to the heart of that special lady you have in mind.

First of all I have to say NOOOOOOOO to that all the wrong tips about acting "cool". The first thing you want a woman to know is HOW SPECIAL SHE IS TO YOU. If you play cool, she could just take you as being indifferent (which is a big turn-off) or inscrutable (which is also a big turn-off). So sweating, stammering and other traits of nervousness are all alright, I dare say if she likes you, she will find you all the more cute because of/notwithstanding/inspite of those traits.

I will be happy to answer any other questions you might have in mind

Cheers,
Polly

 

[The_Professional]

It's okay and normal to feel nervous. Just don't say it to her! Acknowledge it inwardly

Like I've said, It's okay to feel nervous but you don't say it. Why bring it up, It's a NEGATIVE. She knows that you are nervous no need to keep bringing it up. Gut it out if you will.

If you want to put the kibosh on any possible romance then go ahead, tell her how nervous she makes you feel and how you're intimidated by her. And Congratulations, because you just made another friend..

 

[cookiemonster]

What about the people that are intimidated by you?

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Without disagreeing with you of course, I'd say it depends on the context. But if a guy says something nice like "you have this magic that every time I come near you l lose myself/my breath", as a woman I find that quite flattering. I think guys generally put too much emphasis on knowing what to do, young people are supposed to be at a loss on very many things. It is okay. The danger to watch out for though is that we are not too zeroed into knowing what to do that we forget to respect the lady's preference or wishes. Like I said, a woman NEEDS to feel special to be inspired by love (if she is not in love with you already) .

 

[Polly]

What about the people that are intimidated by you?

cookiemonster

The most logical thing to do needless to say, is to find out why. You have to fill me in more before I can tell you any thing.

 

[cookiemonster]

Some kind of goofy subconscious fear of "he'll laugh at me if I act stupid" or "he'll laugh at me because I'm stupid," that kind of thing.

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Some kind of goofy subconscious fear of "he'll laugh at me if I act stupid" or "he'll laugh at me because I'm stupid," that kind of thing.

Sounds like she is quite smitten by you herself. If this is the case, then simply put her at ease, by being in her proximity, talking to mutual friends (who will eventually (be made to) tell her things about you), in short - BE PATIENT. I have heard of this very very good saying which I will tell you now even though I feel I am betraying my gender. Here it goes - a gentleman is a very patient wolf. Be a gentleman.

 

[cookiemonster]

Haha. I've been patient for four years. ;) I've pretty much given up for a while.

It seems to be a pretty general phenomenon, anyway. Which is kinda odd, since most people that actually get to know me say I'm not threatening at all.

Wolf? I don't think I could be a wolf, not even if I wanted to.

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

It seems to be a pretty general phenomenon, anyway. Which is kinda odd, since most people that actually get to know me say I'm not threatening at all.

Then the problem could go deeper than you think. Would it be possible to find out what she thinks about you from a mutual friend?

 

[cookiemonster]

Nah, there's no-one in particular to whom I'm referring. Never really has been. I wouldn't start a relationship right now, even if there were. I'm just leaving in 2-5 months, and nobody can follow me, anyway.

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Plenty of fish in the pond. Sometimes it takes time for a girl to acquire good taste in men as well. Keep me posted about your "amorous moves" I sure want you to win.

 

[cookiemonster]

Guess you'll have to hang around here more to hear about that!

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

I will, because I am a gentlewoman

 

[cookiemonster]

Going to throw us a definition of that, too?

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Let us leave it to our imagination.

 

[Tsu]

Hi guys, how are you?

My apologies for barging into a all-male conversation, hope you don't mind.

*clears throat* EXCUSE me?! I'd say the look on my {avatar} face is pure ESTROGEN! Wouldn't you?

 

[rick1138]

First of all I have to say NOOOOOOOO to that all the wrong tips about acting "cool". The first thing you want a woman to know is HOW SPECIAL SHE IS TO YOU. If you play cool, she could just take you as being indifferent (which is a big turn-off) or inscrutable (which is also a big turn-off). So sweating, stammering and other traits of nervousness are all alright, I dare say if she likes you, she will find you all the more cute because of/notwithstanding/inspite of those traits.

Hey I'm glad you said that, because I made a huge fool in front of someone I am crazy about. She came by to say hello to me me at the bookstore I work in unexpectedly - she lives in another town and I hadn't seen her in a few months. Someone told me she was in the store so I became so excited that I threw my coffee mug and smashed it to bits on the floor - then I turned around and she was watching the whole thing. We had a great conversation.

 

[Evo]

Like I've said, It's okay to feel nervous but you don't say it. Why bring it up, It's a NEGATIVE. She knows that you are nervous no need to keep bringing it up. Gut it out if you will.

If you want to put the kibosh on any possible romance then go ahead, tell her how nervous she makes you feel and how you're intimidated by her. And Congratulations, because you just made another friend..

I agree. If a guy acts nervous around me, that's cute, him going into detail about it might be awkward.

Guys, let me give you a tip. Girls are as insecure and nervous as you are, well except for the brain dead barbies, so don't go after them. You would not believe the lengths girls go to trying to get a guy's attention.

One thing I've noticed here on PF is that guys seem to be going after girls that aren't giving them any signals that they are interested. If a girl likes you, you will notice her glancing at you, smiling at you and then looking away quickly, she might go out of her way to "walk" by you. Remember though, she's probably just as shy as you are about making the first move.

I hate to say it, but if she doesn't appear to be interested, she probably isn't.

When I was younger if I was talking to a guy I liked and I could tell he liked me, but wasn't asking me out, I'd just say "so where are we going Friday night?". That way, if he wasn't interested, I could always laugh it off as a joke, but it always worked.

 

[Monique]

I hate to say it, but if she doesn't appear to be interested, she probably isn't.

Depending on whether she noticed you or knows the kind of things you are interested in..

It is true though, nervous guys are cute

 

[Evo]

Depending on whether she noticed you or knows the kind of things you are interested in..

True, I was thinking more of after the guy has made several failed attempts to get the girl's interest.

Usually if a guy keeps hounding me and I'm not interested, it just gets annoying. I hate hurting people's feelings, so I won't tell them to bug off, I just keep hoping they'll get tired of trying. Unfortuantely some guys assume I'm playing hard to get and try even harder.

 

[Chrono]

Sorry about my previous post, everyone. It seems that things are going for the worse instead for the better. Since it is probably for the weak of heart, I won't go into the details as to what happend.

 

[cookiemonster]

Geez, I can barely keep my eyes open during class. And now I have to look for signals at the same time? You ladies are slavedrivers!

cookiemonster

 

[Monique]

Either you are interested or you are not

 

[jimmy p]

GAR women are CRAZY to understand! The girl i currently like drives me nuts because i can't understand what is going on (as said before, i can't read women). She is very casual around me, but we do arrange to meet up often, and the last time we got drunk we kissed... it's just the VERY CASUAL bit that throws me, like she isn't interested or anything.

Anyway, what's this about signals? We are MEN. We don't pick up hints or signals, you have to tell it to us straight otherwise we (or I) just go on oblivious!

I like what Monique said...nervous guys are cute. How nervous though?? The last time i was with a girl (the aforementioned one) i was shaking so much, before and WHILE i was drinking...now that is nervous!

As to Evo's problem of annoying guys. If you can't tell them to buzz off, say it with mace... spray em in the eyes and they will get the picture!

 

[Evo]

GAR women are CRAZY to understand! The girl i currently like drives me nuts because i can't understand what is going on (as said before, i can't read women). She is very casual around me, but we do arrange to meet up often, and the last time we got drunk we kissed... it's just the VERY CASUAL bit that throws me, like she isn't interested or anything.

Obviously she is interested, but that *is* a toughie. Hmmm.

Anyway, what's this about signals? We are MEN. We don't pick up hints or signals, you have to tell it to us straight otherwise we (or I) just go on oblivious!

True. Or men get the signals backwards. Maybe we could invent a dating stun gun. If a girl likes you she shoots you, leaves no doubt about her intentions.

I like what Monique said...nervous guys are cute. How nervous though??

I think Rick1138's smashing his coffee cup is adorable.

I like it when the brother/sister or best friend of a guy that wants to meet me, but is too scared, comes over and tells me. That's adorable.

 

[cookiemonster]

Nice. I think I'm getting the hang of this. All I have to do is act like a fool, right?

cookiemonster

 

[Polly]

Geez, I can barely keep my eyes open during class. And now I have to look for signals at the same time? You ladies are slavedrivers!

Understanding, trust and reliance between both parties are accumulated in the course of courtship.

Our courage, tenacity, intelligence, wit, ingenuity, devotion, magnanimity and strength of character are all put to the test, our senses are keenly sharpened and our soul bared naked.

In the course man become more of a man and woman realizes her feminity. It is a discovery of ourselves.

It is also a warfare, but the most beautiful warfare. It is a warfare that, ideally, both will emerge as slaves and both will emerge as masters.

 

[Polly]

Guys, let me give you a tip. Girls are as insecure and nervous as you are, well except for the brain dead barbies, so don't go after them. You would not believe the lengths girls go to trying to get a guy's attention.

One thing I've noticed here on PF is that guys seem to be going after girls that aren't giving them any signals that they are interested. If a girl likes you, you will notice her glancing at you, smiling at you and then looking away quickly, she might go out of her way to "walk" by you. Remember though, she's probably just as shy as you are about making the first move.

I hate to say it, but if she doesn't appear to be interested, she probably isn't.

When I was younger if I was talking to a guy I liked and I could tell he liked me, but wasn't asking me out, I'd just say "so where are we going Friday night?". That way, if he wasn't interested, I could always laugh it off as a joke, but it always worked.

Very good advice.

 

[motai]

True. Or men get the signals backwards. Maybe we could invent a dating stun gun. If a girl likes you she shoots you, leaves no doubt about her intentions.

I like that idea. It will definitely save us guys a lot of hassle and confusion.

 

[Polly]

Isn't courtship then reduced to plain mating? Few of us will like the idea of being reduced to bulls and cows me thinks.

 

[motai]

Just think of it as a history lesson, you're experiencing what our ape-like forefathers did in-between eating and sleeping. Just in a more high-tech way.

 

[Hurkyl]

I'm afraid that I'll just get zapped whenever I'm not sufficiently romantic.

 

[Polly]

What happened when our foremothers turned their noses up at our forefathers? This problem is as old as history itself.

 

[Chrono]

One thing I've noticed here on PF is that guys seem to be going after girls that aren't giving them any signals that they are interested. If a girl likes you, you will notice her glancing at you, smiling at you and then looking away quickly, she might go out of her way to "walk" by you. Remember though, she's probably just as shy as you are about making the first move.

I hate to say it, but if she doesn't appear to be interested, she probably isn't.

OK, Evo, how about a I give you a scenario in which I happen to have been a part of, and based on that you can tell me if she's interested or not, because I'm drawing a complete blank here. I'll try to simplify it for you, but if I miss anything that may be important feel free to tell me.

Me and this girl from work have been talking recently, and earlier she had a boyfriend. A bad boyfriend from what she and other people have told me. When we started talking she asked if I liked her and I didn't hesitate to say that I did. So, she now knows that I like her. Fast forwarding a bit, they broke up on bad terms. I figured she was free to date, until I had the idea that he was trying to get back at her. Add a week or two to that and you'll come to a couple of nights ago. I did something that would make you proud. I asked her out and she instantly said "yes". It just so happens that another guy we work with that night was asking her out and I just happened to overhear her say that she just got a new boyfriend. Now she's telling me that she might not be able to make our date. One thing I think is quite important is that, while she was with her previous boyfriend, we were talking and, for a couple of nights, she made it seem like she wanted to date me. Asking questions about us be able to work, and she questioned me when I told her that I was willing to replace him, instead of saying that I am still willing to replace him.

Sorry it's so long, but I'm completely lost here.

 

[Evo]

Chrono, what was her reason for saying that she may not be able to make the date?

Have you noticed any change in attitude?

 

[Chrono]

Chrono, what was her reason for saying that she may not be able to make the date?

Have you noticed any change in attitude?

Well, her reason was pretty legitamite. She said that she may have to work in training for another job. But then, I don't see why she can't just ask for that night off.

Any change in attitude? I don't think so. It's kind of hard to tell.

 

[Evo]

Well, her reason was pretty legitamite. She said that she may have to work in training for another job. But then, I don't see why she can't just ask for that night off.

If it has to do with training, she may not have the option to take off, or it could make her look like her job's not important to her. My suggestion, trust her, be understanding, but let her know that you want to see her a different night then. If she's telling the truth (which she probably is) she will appreciate how considerate and understanding you are. You'll get a gold star.

Any change in attitude? I don't think so. It's kind of hard to tell.

Doesn't sound like she's changed her mind at this point.

It is always difficult dating someone on the rebound. No telling what kind of emotional ups or downs she might experience, which are normal and nothing to do with you.

Keep me informed and I'll give you my 2 cents worth. You though have to be the ultimate judge since you are there and I can only guess.