Dismiss Notice
Join Physics Forums Today!
The friendliest, high quality science and math community on the planet! Everyone who loves science is here!

Ugggghh girls

  1. Mar 19, 2005 #1
    I've been talking to this girl for the past few weeks, and we've really been getting along. We even went to get drinks (tea, I'm only 17) on Wednesday at this one college. Things were going great, and I was ready to ask her to prom...

    (Saturday morning)---
    I'm talking to her online, and she tells me that she is seeing someone. There was an awkward pause, and I said "oh really that's cool" but I was really mad. She went on and said "if i wasn't with this guy i'd want to be with you" and all that crap...but i was still upset. she was worried that i would get mad, but i told her things were ok.

    i called her later in the afternoon and told her not to worry about it, we can still be friends. she said ok, and she seemed relieved.

    finally, in the evening, i drafted an email that i'm ready to send to her now. i haven't sent it yet, because i'm not sure if i should. i pretty much explain to her my true feelings and why i think she was misleading.

    i'm afraid the email might scare her or come off kind of weird.

    do you all think i should just break off contact with her completely? or should i send her the email and risk her knowing what i really felt?

    she is a really sweet girl, so i'm confused :confused:

    please, please help me. i have no guidance or experience at all.
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 19, 2005 #2
    When she said she has a boyfriend you should've retorted with: Do you have a hot sister you can hook me up with? just like Cary Grant

    I won't send her the e-mail since she already rejected me.
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2005
  4. Mar 19, 2005 #3


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    No no no, be the , as seinfeld says, 'consolation guy'. Just stay friends and keep the feelings to yourself and when teh girl breaks up with teh guy, boom, your right there for her to fall into the arms of!
  5. Mar 19, 2005 #4
    'consolation guy' aka as stooge. Don't be a stooge
  6. Mar 19, 2005 #5
    yeah, the professional, that was part of my email...i said "i don't want to be the fall-back guy so just tell me youre interested."
  7. Mar 19, 2005 #6


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Been down that road too many times. Women absolutely do not view relationships the same way that men do. Don't reveal anything more serious than an interest in her. Flirt casually, jokingly, if you feel comfortable doing so. After a while she'll realize that your intent might be a little deeper. Her reaction to that should guide you. Once you're very close friends, you can be completely honest in a non-demanding manner. I've made the mistake of pouncing too soon and it was disastrous. On the other hand, after a lengthy period of distance, we got back together on the original terms. After all, if she's worth loving as a mate, she's worth loving as a friend. Also, you can stop liking someone without stopping loving her. It might pass. One of my initial mistakes married my best friend couple of years later, I was the best man at the wedding, and we're so much closer now than ever before that I consider them family. We love each other deeply and permanently, just not the way I wanted at first.
    I can't recommend to you my current approach (ethically, that is), since I still never found the right girl, but I'll tell it to you. I have lots of very good women friends, lots of casual women friends, and hit the bars for meaningless recreational sex when the need arises (sometimes with the casual friends).
  8. Mar 19, 2005 #7
    and penguin, being the consolation guy is something i've done for years but to no success...(you know how i define "success") so i'm sick of being the consolation prize.
  9. Mar 19, 2005 #8
    thanks danger, its good to know i'm not the only one who is in the dark about girls. in the email i'm debating sending her, i pretty much spell out how i honestly feel...maybe that's not a good idea so soon tho?
  10. Mar 19, 2005 #9


    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    No, don't send the email, but don't just be the consolation guy either. Sit back and think it over for a few days. If you think you can still be friends and want to be friends, that's great, but if you really wanted to date her and can't just be friends, don't tell her it's all okay. It would be fair to let her know that you did have an interest in her more romantically, and would still be interested if her situation changes, but then drop it at that. This way, you don't come across as some obsessed stalker sending her angry emails when you've just been telling her everything is okay (talk about mixed messages), but it also lets her know that you are interested so she understands your feelings and lets her know you're there if she does break up with the other guy.

    If you're going to resent her having a boyfriend, that's going to interfere with you being able to be friends. Give yourself some time apart from her if you need to let some of your emotions cool off first, or else you might find yourself ending the entire friendship in a burst of anger.
  11. Mar 19, 2005 #10
    Give her your home number and tell her: Hey, when your boyfriend is circling in the sink. Call me, I'll be your quality backup!
  12. Mar 19, 2005 #11
    Moonbear, thanks for your advice. So should I just tell her "i'm interested in dating you, and i still am, but if you have a boyfriend, i understand." ?

    that's pretty much what i told her on the phone, but i'm not sure i really feel that way. i still want to date her and all, but i don't feel like being put on-hold, ya know?
  13. Mar 19, 2005 #12
    Professional, what exactly are you a pro in? i hope its not relationships. just kidding. thanks for the help
  14. Mar 19, 2005 #13
    Revenge is the best medicine ,forget about e-mail crap.Find uglier,fatter girlfriend than her and show her to that *****,she going to be mad as hell.
  15. Mar 19, 2005 #14


    User Avatar
    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    Well, the reality is that she does have a boyfriend, and she wouldn't have told you it that way if she was planning on dumping him for you. You have to decide for yourself if you want to take a number and get in line, knowing there's a chance you're never going to get your turn (he could turn out to be the one she marries), or are you going to keep looking. My advice is to move along and keep looking. If she breaks up with him and you haven't found anyone better in the meantime, you can give it another shot, otherwise, no point wasting time waiting around when there are plenty of other young women around for you to meet. If you really have the hots for her, tell her you need some time to get over that so you can be just friends.
  16. Mar 19, 2005 #15
    wait a minute, why would she be mad if i had a ugly, fat girlfriend?

    stoned, are you sto---never mind.
  17. Mar 19, 2005 #16
    moonbear, thanks a lot. yours is the advice i can actually imagine taking!! i'll probably just stay friends and be indifferent to her (as far as dating) and look for other girls in the meantime.

    thanks again!
  18. Mar 19, 2005 #17
    As odd as this sounds, I wish I'd have this kind of trouble with girls, it seems so much simpler than what I usually get.
    Instead of the 'I have a boyfriend' event, it's usually "I'm single but insecure"... why do I always fall for this kind of girl, it's getting really annoying.
  19. Mar 19, 2005 #18
    Well.......Idon't know :redface:
    I better stop smoking and posting.
  20. Mar 19, 2005 #19


    User Avatar
    Gold Member

    Well your looking for sex i suppose which means your probably horrible at being the consolation guy anyways :D.
  21. Mar 19, 2005 #20
    Girls hate when guy breaks down after unsucsesfull courtship.When you see her act happy and sometimes just ignore her.
Share this great discussion with others via Reddit, Google+, Twitter, or Facebook