Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

Talking to this Indian girl: "Me Tarzan, you Jain."
At the Olympics:
" Are you a pole vaulter"?
" No, I'm German. How did you know my name is Walter"?

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Orodruin]

Talking to this Indian girl: "Me Tarzan, you Jain."
At the Olympics: " Are you a pole vaulter"?
" No, I am German. How did you know my name is Walter"?

What is the contour integral around North America?

Spoiler

Zero. The Poles are in Europe.

 

[fresh_42]

Back to the roots: lame as lame can be! At least of the category 'Ouch'.

What is the contour integral around North America?

Spoiler

Zero. The Poles are in Europe.

Self-made?

 

[Orodruin]

Self-made?

Unfortunately not. It is pretty old and the original had West/East Europe instead of NA/Europe but I changed it because the entire West/East split is a bit fuzzy and political at the moment.

 

[Orodruin]

Here’s another really lame one that I sometimes torment students with:

Why didn’t Newton invent group theory?

Spoiler

He wasn’t Abel.

 

[DrGreg]

Here’s another really lame one that I sometimes torment students with:

Why didn’t Newton invent group theory?

Spoiler

He wasn’t Abel.

Spoiler

That would depend on whether your students are commuters or not.

 

[fresh_42]

Here’s another really lame one that I sometimes torment students with:

Why didn’t Newton invent group theory?

Spoiler

He wasn’t Abel.

That doesn't work in our languages.

 

[strangerep]

What is the contour integral around North America?

Spoiler

Zero. The Poles are in Europe.

Wrong. According to Wikipedia there are approximately 9.15m poles in the US.

[But,... hmm,... if one identifies as a pole in the US, does one still get a residue?]

 

[Orodruin]

Wrong. According to Wikipedia there are approximately 9.15m poles in the US.

Dang it. It would seem there are no simple Poles.

 

[Baluncore]

Dang it. It would seem there are no simple Poles.

At least, it can be said that poles in the west are stable.

 

[Orodruin]

Considering most probably came by air and the level of aeronautical engineering required to build one … at least most Poles got there by being in a very complex plane.

 

[WWGD]

That doesn't work in our languages.

But it otherwise rings Abel.*

*And so did Quasimodo.

 

[Orodruin]

Man ... all this talk about continuous symmetries generated by a vector field is Killing me ...

 

[fresh_42]

Man ... all this talk about continuous symmetries generated by a vector field is Killing me ...

That's a Lie.

 

[Orodruin]

That's a Lie.

Let's face it: That one was a bit derivative.

 

[fresh_42]

Let's face it: That one was a bit derivative.

Det var Noethervändig.

 

[Orodruin]

Det var Noethervändig.

It seems the nerdiness of this thread does not Poisson commute with the Hamiltonian.

 

[Melbourne Guy]

Picked up a hitch-hiker.
Seemed like a nice guy.

After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?

I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

 

[Orodruin]

Picked up a hitch-hiker.
Seemed like a nice guy.

After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?

I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

Oooo … the gambler’s fallacy.

 

[David Lewis]

Been a strange day.
First, I found a hat full of money.
Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.

 

[David Lewis]

Why do Norwegians put barcodes on their battleships?

So dey can Scandanavian.

 

[Melbourne Guy]

Oooo … the gambler’s fallacy.

I wonder what the odds actually are, @Orodruin?

The Murder Accountability Project estimates there are 2,100 unidentified serial killers in the U.S.

And the Bureau of Transportation Statistics puts the number of driven miles for "Light duty vehicle, short wheel-base" vehicles (I'm assuming these are 'cars') in 2020 at 1,896,549 million.

I can't find any official stats for hitch-hikers being picked up, though, just anecdotal incidents.

So, I'd imagine it is possible to derive a likelihood of a serial killer picking up a serial killer, but I doubt it would be robust!

 

[Orodruin]

So, I'd imagine it is possible to derive a likelihood of a serial killer picking up a serial killer, but I doubt it would be robust!

The point is that the probability that the person being picked up being a serial killer does not depend on the driver being a serial killer or not.

 

[jack action]

 

[Borg]

Wait! I think my code went too far.

 

[fresh_42]

while !(meepmeep) {wait()};
fall();

 

[phinds]

while !(meepmeep) {wait()};
fall();

That last line should be "observe_fall()"

 

[jtbell]

I just came across this eerily prescient movie poster from 1969:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[phinds]

View attachment 302308

Hey, we ALWAYS knew which brain was important.

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 302308

Nonsense. It took 100 years for men to realize that men actually do not think with their you know what.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 302308

We were let down by evolution. How we have not developped a hard casing for that area by now is beyond me.

View attachment 302319

A sign of the times..

 

[jack action]

 

[David Lewis]

while !(meepmeep) {wait()};
fall();

Gravity is suspended until the coyote looks down.

 

[David Lewis]

Look, Jussie Smollett made a mistake...
But he shouldn't beat himself up over it.

 

[David Lewis]

I was told I'd look smart if I was able to quote Joyce.
Unfortunately, I don't know who she is.

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 302333​

I was in the countryside a few weeks back. People are super friendly even if you don’t meet them. Next to the road the farmers put one basket where you can take fruit and another where you can take money.

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]