Collection of Lame Jokes

[jack action]

First day as a pilot:

CONTROL TOWER: Can you give us your position?

ME: I'm beside the cloud who looks like a lion.

CONTROL TOWER: Can you be more precise?

ME: Simba.

 

[DrGreg]

First day as a pilot:

CONTROL TOWER: Can you give us your position?

ME: I'm beside the cloud who looks like a lion.

CONTROL TOWER: Can you be more precise?

ME: Simba.

For a moment, I thought the joke was going to be...

CONTROL TOWER: Can you give us your position?

ME: I'm in the cockpit.

 

[fresh_42]

First practice day in helicopter school.

Teacher: Now please lift slowly and stay within the borders of this taxi drive.
...
Teacher: Ok, try to stay above the airport.
...
Teacher: Please, don't leave the country.

 

[davenn]

 

[jack action]

 

[mfb]

The dog was much happier before her

Not the same person, not the same dog.

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

Too cute

 

[Fervent Freyja]

This.

 

[256bits]

I don't see the funny on this map.

@DrClaude is right though, a slight inaccuracy on the map. The death zone is actually in the Alabama / Mississippi / Louisiana / Northwest Florida area. CRAZY HUMIDITY! The ocean actually cools the east coast enough to make it bearable and the west coast is cooled a lot by the Pacific ocean, so it's a great place to be.

As for the snowbirds, watch the first few minutes of this documentary and you will have to watch it till the end! They are so cute and funny! See them learning to speak english at the 13th-14th minute! These people are from my parent's generation and you will fall in love with them!

​

Yet, still not Hot enough for them - some snowbirds do seem to be wearing skin tight sticky brown leather.

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

A bit of difference between maintain and contain...

 

[Vanadium 50]

"The policeman is not there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder". Mayor Richard J. Daley, 1968.

 

[Ibix]

I lived in Brunei for six months thirty-odd years ago. All restaurants had a standard official sign in Malay and English. I can't speak for the Malay, but the English text said "Muslims are restricted to drinking alcohol in this restaurant".

 

[BillTre]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[davenn]

 

[Mikestone]

Q - What's the quickest way to make your kids smart?

A - Spank them.

 

[jack action]

 

[Fervent Freyja]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[Wrichik Basu]

 

[davenn]

Loved reading the MAD comic before it disappeared ...

 

[nsaspook]

 

[jack action]

(source)​

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]