Collection of Lame Jokes

[jack action]

View attachment 361904

Meanwhile, outside the US:

 

[jtbell]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

New business of micro brewery and comedy house. The Brew-ha-house.

 

[dextercioby]

A little late for some dark one.

 

[fresh_42]

A little late for some dark one.

View attachment 361951

I saw this before, but I don't understand the second peak.

 

[berkeman]

I don't understand the second peak.

Titan.

 

[fresh_42]

Titan.

?

The element, the moon, the Greek mythology? What happened?

 

[berkeman]

No, no. The small tourist sub that imploded with the founder of the company and a number of tourists on-board. The only good thing is that the implosion only took a few milliseconds, so likely little recognition/pain by those killed. There is some speculation that they did hear some precursor cracking noises though, which would have been bad...

https://people.com/did-titan-passen...t-to-die-mystery-remains-1-year-later-8694045

 

[berkeman]

Wait, isn't this supposed to be a humor thread?

 

[jtbell]

Gallows humor?

 

[fresh_42]

Hummus?

 

[jtbell]

 

[Borg]

I saw this before, but I don't understand the second peak.

Titan.

Shouldn't there be a peak in 2017 also for when the movie came out?

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

When the sun is out in full, it's not political: " Persians rise".

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 362023

On the evil scale of 1-10, the ages were a 5.

 

[dextercioby]

Sorry if a repost.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

Most archaeologists are women. They have a natural talent to dig up the past.

 

[256bits]

Some animals have natural talent.
My goldfish can break dance on the carpet, but only for about 20 seconds.

 

[berkeman]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

The tire industry has pulled off the biggest scam of all. Even though a flat tire only lacks air at the bottom, they sell you a completely new tire.

 

[WWGD]

The tire industry has pulled off the biggest scam of all. Even though a flat tire only lacks air at the bottom, they sell you a completely new tire.

Aren't those cars technically " tired"?

 

[Borg]

Did you hear the one about the hearing aid salesman's sales pitch?

It fell on deaf ears.

 

[256bits]

really confusing industry.
They tell you to go to a garage to rotate your your tires in the spring.
I outsmarted them.
Saving money by not going to the mechanic.
I do it every time I drive.

 

[256bits]

Aren't those cars technically " tired"?

If your a musician you say to road assistance "tire B♭"

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

Reminds me of:

Why are people attacked by sharks? You can hear when they come!

 

[256bits]

Reminds me of
Me sitting in my wheelchair, no arms no legs, and operating it with a mouth pencil.
Someone comes up to me. "I know you. Aren't you Mike? what the frick ?"
"Hi buddy. All my friends now call me Bob."
"Ok. Bob, what happened to you?"

"What happened. Well there I was swimming in the ocean when a giant white came up and starred me in the eye. I don't like being starred at so I gave him a good punch in the nose. He shook his head and then all hell broke loose. He bit off my right leg. I boxed his ears. He tore off my left leg. I smacked him one and knocked out his front teeth. He ripped out my left arm. I poked his eyes out. He grabbed my right arm, twisted it off and swam away. I thought. Yeah you bugger. Had enough haven't you. "

"My God. That's terrible. Lucky they found you in time."

"Yeah. By God's grace they found me just bobbing with the waves."

 

[jtbell]

Nursery rhyme from Georgia:

Peach porridge hot,
Peach porridge cold,
Peach porridge in the pot,
Nine days old.

 

[WWGD]

When my Italian grandpa would ask: " Are we eating pasta today." Me: " No, Nonno.".

 

[WWGD]

I applied for tenure as a student. From the Peter Pan Scholarship Fund.

 

[mjc123]

View attachment 362108

Wagner's Ring in a nutshell.

 

[WWGD]

Wagner's Ring in a nutshell.

How did it get in there?

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 362136

As we speak of practical tips for everyday life: If you garden naked, your neighbors will build you a fence!

 

[WWGD]

As we speak of practical tips for everyday life: If you garden naked, your neighbors will build you a fence!

Unless it's an attractive female.

 

[pinball1970]

Wait, isn't this supposed to be a humor thread?

Titan was not funny at all but the graph is a darkish kind of a way. Very darkish.

 

[pinball1970]

Sorry if a repost.View attachment 362044

Also dark! But funny!

 

[jack action]

If you're worried about your microwave collecting data or your TV spying on you ...

Just remember - Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

 

[DaveC426913]

Just showed up on my FB Community wall.
It's a dangerous world out there....