Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

Let me guess... she started feeling more cheerful?

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 364964

Let me guess... she started feeling more cheerful?

Not to mention that her dates became a lot better!

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

​

 

[Bandersnatch]

View attachment 364964

Let me guess... she started feeling more cheerful?

Y'all assuming she misspelled meat, and not mistakenly typed a superfluous 'a'.

 

[WWGD]

Y'all assuming she misspelled meat, and not mistakenly typed a superfluous 'a'.

You may be thinking of Clementine Ford.

 

[jtbell]

I hope they're something like a horn player, not a language instructor.

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 364983

I hope they're something like a horn player, not a language instructor.

Have you called them yet?

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 364984

The 737-800 is always good for a surprise.

Spoiler: Google Lens

The image shows the nose section of a Boeing 737-800 aircraft belonging to Enter Air, a Polish charter airline.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 364987

The dialogue prior to that scene:

"The bridge is too low!"
"So what, have you seen a cop?"

 

[fresh_42]

The text said it is a bar in Bonn, Germany.

 

[sbrothy]

I'm gonna take lame seriously here...

"I was stopped by police while driving. The officer walked up to my window and said: "Papers.".
I responded "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. I think he wants a rematch though 'cause he's been following me ever since..."

I think that's the lamest "joke" I ever heard and it probably lost something in translation too. Dunno if that made it worse or better though. I'm really, really sorry!

 

[jtbell]

At least the guy didn't say "rock!" That might have gotten him in real trouble.

 

[WWGD]

The text said it is a bar in Bonn, Germany.


View attachment 364988

I always wanted to open a bar called "Set of Measure zero".

 

[WWGD]

My Egyptian friend wants to open up a Shake n'Bake in Sharm-el-Sheik.

 

[dextercioby]

Sorry if already posted.

 

[JT Smith]

View attachment 364983

I hope they're something like a horn player, not a language instructor.

Or maybe a legumaphile?

 

[jbriggs444]

View attachment 364983

I hope they're something like a horn player, not a language instructor.

Looked it up. Work of a homeless guy in Austin by the name of "David". He specializes in weird signs like this.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

 

[sbrothy]

What do old-school mathematicians do when they are constipated?

Spoiler: Answer

They work it out with a pencil.

Compliments of Chroot.

I didn't know chroot tried to be humorous. fortune on the other hand (posted this elsewhere but I guess it really belongs here):

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2. One to change the light bulb and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

 

[jtbell]

Looked it up. Work of a homeless guy in Austin by the name of "David". He specializes in weird signs like this.

He's helping to keep Austin weird!

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[jack action]

 

[WWGD]

At least the guy didn't say "rock!" That might have gotten him in real trouble.

The singer who shouted it on stage " I wanna rock!" got pelted in the face with a stone. Some in the audience took it too literally.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[symbolipoint]

That $6500 Angus joke reminds me about the one relayable as somebody had legal trouble due to shooting and/or killing some endangered bird. Somebody else commented, "... tastes like chicken".

 

[DrGreg]

That $6500 Angus joke reminds me about the one relayable as somebody had legal trouble due to shooting and/or killing some endangered bird. Somebody else commented, "... tastes like chicken".

The version of the bird joke that I know goes as follows.

A man is in court charged with shooting a golden eagle, which is illegal in the UK. He eventually convinces the magistrate that it was an accident, and is found not guilty. The magistrate then asks, out of curiosity, what he did with the dead eagle. The man replies,

"I ate it"

"What did it taste like?"

"A bit like swan"

As told by the late veteran British comedian Barry Cryer.​

Spoiler: I don't get the joke

Killing a swan is also illegal in the UK

 

[fresh_42]

The version of the bird joke that I know goes as follows.

A man is in court charged with shooting a golden eagle, which is illegal in the UK. He eventually convinces the magistrate that it was an accident, and is found not guilty. The magistrate then asks, out of curiosity, what he did with the dead eagle. The man replies,

"I ate it"

"What did it taste like?"

"A bit like swan"

As told by the late veteran British comedian Barry Cryer.​

Spoiler: I don't get the joke

Killing a swan is also illegal in the UK

This reminds me of the following meme:

(Sorry for the blanks. That's due to my translation.)

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[symbolipoint]

Amazing how some variations have been created about the endangered-bird-legal-trouble-whatdoesittastelike joke.

Here's a reddit link to a interesting variation, although I first heard a version far long before reddit existed.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 365033​

Don't they have their own saint, St Francis of a Sissy?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 365034

My grandmother had that image hanging in the den.

I think Zig Zag rolling papers used it later.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]