Collection of Lame Jokes

[berkeman]

 

[davenn]

 

[romsofia]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[pinball1970]

And that explains why no one uses number 1 pencils.

and thats why people make fun of Engineers

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 364983

I hope they're something like a horn player, not a language instructor.

I tooted for my school but by the time I went to sixth form, the competition was just too strong.
Plus I didnt have the Latin.

 

[pinball1970]

The version of the bird joke that I know goes as follows.

A man is in court charged with shooting a golden eagle, which is illegal in the UK. He eventually convinces the magistrate that it was an accident, and is found not guilty. The magistrate then asks, out of curiosity, what he did with the dead eagle. The man replies,

"I ate it"

"What did it taste like?"

"A bit like swan"

As told by the late veteran British comedian Barry Cryer.​

Spoiler: I don't get the joke

Killing a swan is also illegal in the UK

This goes back to 13/14th Century or so, protected under some ancient royal ownership

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

Pittsburgh license plate: " You have a friend in Pennsylvania".
Hungarian license plate:" You have a friend in Transylvania".

 

[fresh_42]

However, Transylvania is in Romania.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

and thats why people make fun of Engineers

Who, the Number-1-pencil cult? Please, they are right up there with flat earthers.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[symbolipoint]

Invention of a new name:

Reaux Brikk

 

[jbriggs444]

Why did the astronomer put meat in his shower?

Spoiler

Because he wanted a meatier shower.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 365101

I could not get away with that content sir. Funny tho

 

[jtbell]

Last month, Britain's Royal Mail released a set of stamps honoring Monty Python:

Old-timers here should note the reference to the fish-slapping dance at the bottom right.

 

[berkeman]

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 365113

I'll unpaca lips.

 

[Baluncore]

I think this one needs a bit more work.

"How should you fold a parachute"?
"The same way that skydivers who live in Australia folded their parachutes".

"But won't that mean you will land upside down"?

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 365122

I wonder how the cartoonist Thort of that joke.

 

[WWGD]

I wonder how the cartoonist Thort of that joke.

Thort of by speculation, I'd say.

 

[Baluncore]

I wonder how the cartoonist Thort of that joke.

The God of thunder, crossed the skies, upon his favourite filly.
"I'm Thor", he cried, and the horse replied,
"You've thorgotten the thaddle, thilly".

 

[Borg]

View attachment 365114

Appears to be one of those Facebook things:

No, an Austrian airport doesn't have a desk for travelers ...​

 

[fresh_42]

Appears to be one of those Facebook things:

No, an Austrian airport doesn't have a desk for travelers ...​

Yes, it is truly unbelievable what all goes viral. I just read this on FB:

Jupiter's moon Europa is sending radio signals directly to Earth - and they're getting stronger.
Planetary scientists detected structured radio transmissions from Europa that appear to be artificially generated and are increasing in strength and complexity over time. The signals originate from beneath Europa's ice shell and show mathematical patterns that suggest intelligent origin rather than natural geological processes. Most intriguingly, the transmissions seem to respond to Earth-based radio signals with delayed but clearly correlated responses, indicating potential two-way communication attempts. The signal structure includes prime number sequences, geometric progressions, and other mathematical concepts that would be universal indicators of intelligence to any technological civilization. NASA's analysis confirms the signals are too complex and organized to result from natural phenomena like ice cracking, tidal heating, or magnetic field interactions.

I somehow have the impression that AI isn't an improvement.

 

[DaveC426913]

The God of thunder, crossed the skies, upon his favourite filly.
"I'm Thor", he cried, and the horse replied,
"You've thorgotten the thaddle, thilly".

Tell me you did not just make that up yourself!

 

[DaveC426913]

Yes, it is truly unbelievable what all goes viral. I just read this on FB:

Social media is lies. All of it.

Unless you can verify it; it didn't happen like that.


What's really frightening, is that a LOT of people do not know this.

 

[Baluncore]

Tell me you did not just make that up yourself!

I cannot lie. My dad told it to me long ago.
You can google some of the many versions.

Another more educational one ...
Little boy on the railway track,
the engine gave a squeal,
and then the driver took a spade,
and scraped him off the wheel.

 

[WWGD]

 

[sbrothy]

Just picked this one up from American Dad. It's a little mean spirited but it *is* just a joke:

What the three rings of marriage?

1.) The engagement ring.

2.) The wedding ring.

3.) The suffering.

Again, sorry.

 

[berkeman]

Another one from Facebook (so I'm not sure it's true, but still pretty funny):

 

[DaveC426913]

Another one from Facebook (so I'm not sure it's true, but still pretty funny):

Photo true; account false.

"The photograph displayed above features an amusing juxtaposition of the usual hunter/prey relationship (the two beer-swilling moose are an especially nice touch), but that's all it is. Driving with one's vision impeded by a head covering and causing multiple traffic accidents falls far outside the realm of a joke, and no news account documents any such occurrence of multiple "moose head shock" vehicle collisions having taken place on a Maine interstate (or anywhere else)."

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/moose-hunters/

Snopes is awesome. They go to great lengths to verify stories. I rarely find an urban legend they haven't examined.

 

[sbrothy]

[...] "moose head shock" [...]

Hah!

What is it about moose that make them funny across public entertainment?

EDIT: I mean it's a large smelly to the point of putrid, dirty, bad-tempered, territorial animal.

 

[berkeman]

Snopes is awesome. They go to great lengths to verify stories. I rarely find an urban legend they haven't examined.

Agreed, I subscribe to Snopes' news feed. How did you search on that meme? By the photo?

 

[DaveC426913]

Agreed, I subscribe to Snopes' news feed. How did you search on that meme? By the photo?

Googled "snopes hunters wearing moose heads strap man to roof"

 

[DaveC426913]

What is it about moose that make them funny across public entertainment?

They look dopey with that long droopy nose.

 

[sbrothy]

They look dopey with that long droopy nose.

View attachment 365172

That might be it. Also I might have watched too much “Invader Zim”. There moose are a firm stable of the show. Beware though. That show might cause epileptic attacks.

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

Just a little Medic humor for a Friday...

 

[sbrothy]

Just a little Medic humor for a Friday...

View attachment 365190

It's a little like the cartoon Archer.

Malory: Most secret agents don't tell every harlot from here to Hanoi, that they ARE secret agents!
Archer: ...Then why be one?

— Season 2, Ep. 6 - "Tragical History" (2011)