Collection of Lame Jokes

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Da Vinci Snow Angel.webp
 
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My girlfriend broke up with me.
She said that I was just average,
I told her she was mean.
 
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jtbell said:
Today I learned that the new female crash test dummy is named Thor.

https://www.npr.org/2025/11/21/g-s1-98694/crash-test-dummy-resembles-women

It's somewhat fitting, I guess. According to Norse mythology, the god Thor did go drag in the Þrymskviða (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Þrymskviða).

(Sex and gender in Norse mythology were not wholly binary, as evidenced by the god Loki becoming pregnant and giving birth to offspring such as Sleipnir [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svaðilfari].)
 
Yesterday I saw this kids' game in a grocery store (!).

IMG_1573.webp
 
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Hearing my wife's painful screams during labor, I asked: "What's up?"
Her reply: "These contractions are killing me!"

To show that I heard her, I then asked: "What is up?"
 
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256bits said:
My girlfriend broke up with me.
She said that I was just average,
I told her she was mean.
A similar type of joke: American children can be harsh . German children are kinder.
 
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jack action said:
Hearing my wife's painful screams during labor, I asked: "What's up?"
Her reply: "These contractions are killing me!"

To show that I heard her, I then asked: "What is up?"
Is that like the builder suffering financial difficulties.
When asked "What's up?'
He answered "These contractors are killing me!"
:smile:
 
There are more than 300 kinds of bread in Germany. The most favorite is "that one", closely followed by "no, the one next to it".
 
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They say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing all the time, and it seems quite possible.
 
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All seminars, "Christmas with the family, it's possible without murderous intent", are sold out.
 
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fresh_42 said:
There are more than 300 kinds of bread in Germany. The most favorite is "that one", closely followed by "no, the one next to it".
Is there a 1-1 map between German breads and French cheeses?
 
fresh_42 said:
All seminars, "Christmas with the family, it's possible without murderous intent", are sold out.
" I love you to death". Or at least up to despair.
 
WWGD said:
Is there a 1-1 map between German breads and French cheeses?
Interesting thought. I assume that 300 is a very conservative estimate for both.
 
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fresh_42 said:
Interesting thought. I assume that 300 is a very conservative estimate for both.
Still, some of those breads, like the almond one, (Mandelbrot), can be chaotic.
 
WWGD said:
Still, some of those breads, like the almond one, (Mandelbrot), can be chaotic...
Do you think Benoît has been inspired by bread? Looks as if the Polish bakeries are similar ingenious:

Bread (chleb) is a central part of Polish food culture. Polish bread is traditionally made with sourdough, although other leavening agents are also used today. The most common types of bread are Mieszane pieczywo (wheat mixed bread), chleb biały (white bread), chleb graham (Graham bread), and chleb razowy (whole wheat bread). Other common baked goods in Poland are bułka (rolls) and rogal or rogalik (croissants), which can be considerably larger than their German counterparts, while loaves of bread are usually smaller in comparison. Drożdżówka (sweet rolls made from yeast dough or Danish pastry, often filled with white cheese, poppy seeds, blueberries, plums, rhubarb, or fruit jam) are also widely available.
 
I fell off the bicycle back in 1995 and had bad scrapes and bruises. Back then, there was no social media, so I'll tell you now.
 
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fresh_42 said:
I fell off the bicycle back in 1995 and had bad scrapes and bruises. Back then, there was no social media, so I'll tell you now.
I hope you are healed today.
 
In German food stores, now you need to be married to get Die Wurst (Divorced).
 
WWGD said:
In German food stores, now you need to be married to get Die Wurst (Divorced).
The evolution of German food includes "Die Wurst of Times."
 
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symbolipoint said:
I hope you are healed today.
He's going to come back with all the family photos explaining them.
I can't wait to hear the explanation of why so many pictures of his plate at meal time.