Collection of Lame Jokes

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gatztopher said:
"What's a ham-hock?" "It's a boar shin." "Oh... like eggs?"

:smile:

I realize that may offend some, but that is absolutely hilarious to me, and VERY clever! Is that a gatztopher original?!
 
Physics news on Phys.org
You know when ABS first came out it was braking news.

Badumtish.
 
Markface said:
You know when ABS first came out it was braking news.

Badumtish.

Heh... for a second I thought, "Badumtish" was the joke... then I said it out loud and face-palmed, "Oh... a rim-shot!".

That is a very lame joke sir... congrats! :wink:


@Isaacsname: I can't tell, but that site looks like it's not a joke... is there really a performing flatulist?!
 
nismaratwork said:
Heh... for a second I thought, "Badumtish" was the joke... then I said it out loud and face-palmed, "Oh... a rim-shot!".

That is a very lame joke sir... congrats! :wink:


@Isaacsname: I can't tell, but that site looks like it's not a joke... is there really a performing flatulist?!

He's got multiple albums, and good taste in music to boot

Blue Danube Waltz

 
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Isaacsname said:
He's got multiple albums, and good taste in music to boot

Blue Danube Waltz



Holy gas-cave fartman. :bugeye:
 
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An iron worker walked into a bar. The bar snapped in two.
 
Just a joke

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!:biggrin:
 
@nismaratwork No... it's like three peoples' jokes mashed together. That's why threads like this are so good!

Say you have a set of mirrors that you only use after dark. What would you call the worst one?

Boba Fett, because he's your worst nightmirrrr
 
gatztopher said:
@nismaratwork No... it's like three peoples' jokes mashed together. That's why threads like this are so good!

Say you have a set of mirrors that you only use after dark. What would you call the worst one?

Boba Fett, because he's your worst nightmirrrr

That was awful! Nice one.

Here's a favourite of mine:

Can you take a look under there?
 
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

I respond to your query with another lame joke, it's applicable with one obvious difference. :biggrin:

butter-fight.gif
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

I'm going to put 20$ on the monkeys.

When does it go down ?
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
Ok, I need your help on this one.

Pirate Monkeys vs. Ninja Monkeys. Who would win?

Pirate monkeys have guns, but Ninja monkeys have stealth and poison on their side...

I'd go for Ninjas, by a whisker. :biggrin:
 
Lancelot59 said:
I respond to your query with another lame joke, it's applicable with one obvious difference. :biggrin:

butter-fight.gif

Heh... this reminds me of an argument on an old forum. The debate was, "Kung Fu vs. Mixed Martial Arts"...

"MMA isn't suited for counterterrorism, animal attacks, and futuristic underwater combat. Ya got me there. Next time I'm getting attacked by a bear in the Atlantic Ocean with a bomb strapped to his chest, I'll be sure to use my Kung Fu instead of MMA." (I forget the username)
 
Here at PF we want PfD's instead of PhD's.

>ubergroan<
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
Here at PF we want PfD's instead of PhD's.

>ubergroan<

What about the BS ?
 
From my page (http://www.chembuddy.com/?left=FAQ):

Registration key should have been attached to the order confirmation mail. Save it in the directory where the program is installed, most likely c:\Program Files\ChemBuddy\program name. Alternatively open registration key with Windows notepad, copy content to the clipboard, start the ChemBuddy program, select File/Register from the menu, paste registration key content into edit field and click OK.

This is a mail I received yesterday from a customer who bought the program few hours earlier:

I have highlighted the key data code including the four lines of code. I then right clicked and found copy but no option come up to where. Nothing about clip boards etc.

Help. I need to be able to use this program that I just purchased.

And my answer:

Customer wrote:

xx> I have highlighted the key data code including the four lines
xx> of code. I then right clicked and found copy but no option come
xx> up to where. Nothing about clip boards etc.

You are on the right track. Copy means "copy to clipboard", see for
example

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cut,_copy,_and_paste#Cut_and_paste

and

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clipboard_(software )

Kind regards,

And - in a way - answer to the answer I just got from the eCommerce provider (Plimus) that sells my software:

Dear Plimus Vendor,

A new dispute has been opened by your customer for order xxx, with the reason: "Licensing issue".

Please see the dispute correspondence below:
CUSTOMER : Licensing issue - I want a refund. I could not register the program using the code key and. what Customer Support was worthless. Note that I have removed this program from my computer. What limited access that was available without registration will not serve to meet my needs.
Very poor prodcut design. I will be contacting xxx to make sure that I have either received a refund from Plimus or challenge the charge.

Have a good day,

Is it lame enough?
 
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Borek said:
Is it lame enough?

Muuhaha! :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

What a mor*n!

I could not register the program using the code key and.

Well, that’s the actual 'bug', Sir...I once had customer who spend a lot of money on samplers and MIDI software. A that time all stuff was delivered on 3.5'' floppy disks. Next day the customer came back, green is his face, and shaking groaned – I’ve been up all night and ... I CAN’T INSTALL THIS THING!

He thought that the metal shutter was a "lid" that had to be "opened" before use... therefore he had (by force) tried to remove the whole thing... without succeeding completely... and THEREFORE he could NOT put the disk in the drive!
500px-Floppy_disc.jpg


Borek said:
From my page (http://www.chembuddy.com/?left=FAQ):

I think I know why your customer wants a refund... that crucial FAQ gives Error 404! (:smile:)
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." -- Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled​
 
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The møøse snëëïzed ohn mee toïdai.


Yükk.
 
DevilsAvocado said:
I think I know why your customer wants a refund... that crucial FAQ gives Error 404! (:smile:)

vBulletin garbled the link, corrected.
 
Blonde: What's an "ick"?
Dude: That's "IQ".
Blonde: Oh, okay.


Dude: I have a lot of cash that's burning a hole in my pocket.
Blonde: Your money's on fire!?
 
Happy St Patricks Day!

Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Irish Stew
Irish Stew Who?
Irish Stew in the name of the Law

And what can you say about Asteroid Stew? - Its "Meteorite".
 
FtlIsAwesome said:
Blonde: What's an "ick"?
Dude: That's "IQ".
Blonde: Oh, okay.

lololz :D I don't normally like blonde jokes but the whole ick thing is funny :D
 
cobalt124 said:
Happy St Patricks Day!

Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
Irish Stew
Irish Stew Who?
Irish Stew in the name of the Law

And what can you say about Asteroid Stew? - Its "Meteorite".

I don't get it >_<
 
HeLiXe said:
I don't get it >_<

The stew is "meaty o right".
 
Yes two jokes "I arrest you in the name of the law" and "meaty alright".
 

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