Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

 

[Borg]

That looks like a really painful form of crucifixion.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

To commemorate her 85th birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.

One of the musical numbers she recited was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'. Here are the clever lyrics she used:

If you're old enough to remember to song, you're old enough to appreciate the humor

*Botox & nose drops & needles for knitting,*

*Walkers & handrails & new dental fittings,*

*Bundles of magazines tied up in string,*

*_These are a few of my favorite things_*
*Cadillacs & cataracts,* *hearing aids & glasses,*

*Polident & Fixodent & false teeth in glasses,*

*Pacemakers, golf carts, & porches with swings,*

*_These are a few of my favorite things._*
*When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,*

*When the knees go bad,*

*I simply remember my favorite things,*

*And then I don't feel so bad.*
*Hot tea & crumpets & corn pads for bunions,*

*No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,*

*Bathrobes & heating pads & hot meals they bring,*

*_These are a few of my favorite things._*
*Back pain, confused brains, & no need for sinnin',*

*Thin bones & fractures & hair that is thinnin',*

*And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,*

*_When we remember our favorite things._*
*When the joints ache,

When the hips break,*

*When the eyes grow dim,*

*Then I remember the great life I've had,*

*And then I don't feel so bad.*

>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd_

that lasted over 4 minutes & repeated encores.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[DennisN]

 

[Borg]

Last night, I thought of a funny play on words that would make a good joke. Then I thought that someone else must have already thought of it. This morning, I found that it is an actual website - Wookieepedia.

 

[davenn]

If you're old enough to remember to song, you're old enough to appreciate the humor

now that tune is going round and round in my head

 

[OCR]

View attachment 331353

Well. . . there goes the math lesson. .
.

 

[topsquark]

Well. . . there goes the math lesson. .
.

It's time for Physics!

-Dan

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

Ricky Gervais on the topic of getting annoyed on the Internet :

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 331426

Basically By Bertolt Brecht. "Poor criminals rob a bank, rich criminals found one."

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 331433

Why not both? Is that an exclusive or?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

The Big Ten college football conference needs a new name, because it actually has 14 teams this year, and 18 beginning next year. Yesterday they accidentally revealed their new branding during the Michigan - East Carolina game:

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[BillTre]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 331268

Some more dark humor on this topic...
...a little story told by the Prime Minister of Albania, Edi Rama:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[nuuskur]

Also, heard this from a friend of mine.

Husband and wife are deciding whether to have a cat. Husband says he doesn't want a cat. Wife says she wants a cat. So they compromise and have a cat.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 331581

...so I look bananas as well as thinking bananas?

 

[BillTre]

 

[nuuskur]

.. -> eat or take a nap -> do you want the thing to fall on the floor? -> ..

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]