Collection of Lame Jokes

[Filip Larsen]

I don't get it. He is clearly not wearing socks in his sandals so why is she looking like that??

 

[jack action]

Sad news.

I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee.

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Sad news.

I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine because I was seeing another girl named Claire Lee.

But the good news is that I can see Claire Lee now that Lorraine is gone.

But you were seeing Claire Lee already.

 

[jack action]

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

 

[256bits]

I've been really impressed with the guy who cleans toilets in our building. He has a real can do attitude.

Ha ha . He's number 2 in the business!

 

[256bits]

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

Too subtle.

Nontheless.
A Bff you can find at the SPCA - lots of eager friends to choose from.

 

[Keith_McClary]

Looks Good on Paper by Dan Collins for July 17, 2021​

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[256bits]

View attachment 286157

What are the skyscrapers?

 

[strangerep]

What are the skyscrapers?

Kamikaze terrorist moth traps?

 

[strangerep]

I don't get it.

I interpreted it to mean that he's deliberately embarassing his daughter in the eyes of every person on the way to school, and then in front of the whole school.

He is clearly not wearing socks in his sandals

He's not wearing socks in order to maximise the free distribution of his foot pong.

so why is she looking like that??

Because she's standing really close to his feet.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Bezos is due to be delivered to space in two days. However if he joined Amazon Prime he could be there this afternoon.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 286163

Yuck! You never wear pizza with donuts.

 

[fresh_42]

Yuck! You never wear pizza with donuts.

... or fruit loops.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

... or fruit loops.

You never wear fruit loops in the summer.

 

[DrGreg]

I saw a trailer on TV today for a Laurel & Hardy film to be shown next week. Apparently Laurel & Hardy are working as pest controllers.

Man​	Why are you drilling holes in my floor?
Laurel​	To let the mice in.
Man​	Then why are you putting corks in the holes?
Laurel​	To stop them getting out.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I saw a trailer on TV today for a Laurel & Hardy film to be shown next week. Apparently Laurel & Hardy are working as pest controllers.

Man​	Why are you drilling holes in my floor?
Laurel​	To let the mice in.
Man​	Then why are you putting corks in the holes?
Laurel​	To stop them getting out.

I still remember an old 3 Stooges gag where they wanted access to some event but couldn't get in unless they had press passes. So they went into the men's restroom and took the "Press" sign from something like the towel dispensers. Each Stooge grabs a sticker and put it in his wallet. Then they each pass through security while displaying their passes:
Press
Press
Pull

I must have thought that was freaking hilarious when I was 8 or so because it's about the only joke I remember from them.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I keep hoping an alien spacecraft will crash into a SETI antenna.

 

[strangerep]

[...] it's about the only joke I remember from [the 3 Stooges].

Because of this,... TIL that googling "curly whoop whoop whoop" actually brings up relevant video clips.

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 286187

I'm not 100% sure since I cannot see his face, but I think this little bastard is a notorious thief. But you know, innocent until proven otherwise. We must respect his privacy until then.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I'm not 100% sure since I cannot see his face, but I think this little bastard is a notorious thief. But you know, innocent until proven otherwise. We must respect his privacy until then.

He's a typical jailbird.

And when interrogated he was singing like a bird.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

View attachment 286187

How do I know that photo was likely taken in Luxembourg?

 

[WWGD]

How do I know that photo was likely taken in Luxembourg?

No idea. Close , Netherlands actually.

 

[WWGD]

No idea. Close , Netherlands actually.

To avoid offending any Dutchs that jump when anyone says Holland to refer to The Netherlands. Though don't remember any Dutch referring to themselves as " Netherlandese".

 

[Ivan Seeking]

No idea. Close , Netherlands actually.

Nope. I'd bet someone in Nederland just used a photo taken in Luxembourg.

 

[WWGD]

Nope

How so?