Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

I donated 4l blood today but I'll never do it again. They ask far too many questions. Whose blood is this? Where did you get it from? ...

I lived in the UK during their mad cow food scare so now my blood is not wanted for donation in the US.

 

[fresh_42]

"You could at least take me out for dinner on my birthday!"
"I don't date married women."
"I am your wife!"
"I make no exceptions."

 

[WWGD]

 

[nuuskur]

When did you get a new bike?

- You won't believe it! This lady pulled up to me on her bike, stripped herself naked and told me "Take whatever you want!"

Good thinking! The clothes probably wouldn't fit.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 331163

"You know, I think I could get used to this whole mansplaining thing..."

 

[dextercioby]

In Eastern Europe where I live...

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 331163

Nope. But it's not their fault, it's ours. Men have a comment on all and everything regardless of what it is. And they always pretend to know things (better), even in case of complete ignorance. They never admit a prejudice, a wrong understanding, or a simple lack of knowledge. I don't listen to men either. It is senseless.

 

[BillTre]

Nope. But it's not their fault, it's ours. Men have a comment on all and everything regardless of what it is. And they always pretend to know things (better), even in case of complete ignorance. They never admit a prejudice, a wrong understanding, or a simple lack of knowledge. I don't listen to men either. It is senseless.

I not listening to you.

 

[phinds]

Daughter: Mom, I just wanted you to know, I'm dating our neighbor Bill.
Mom: Oh, honey, yuck, he could be your dad.
Daughter: Age is not an issue for us.
Mom. No, I don't think you are following me here.

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]

 

[Ibix]

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

A depresso.

 

[Borg]

My expresso is opinionated.

 

[Ibix]

My water bed wasn't bouncy enough, so I added some spring water.

 

[Ibix]

I just found out I'm colour blind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

Not the best advert

 

[WWGD]

 

[nuuskur]

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

I think you have to be in just the right mood for these to strike you as funny, or you need to have a weird sense of humor like me. I found these hilarious:

 

[nsaspook]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[DennisN]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

Not the best advertView attachment 331202

I bet both @phinds and @markcollins are craving some just now!

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 331258

When you go to a fancy restaurant, ask them if they have Cow Manuer, Manuer pronounced as a French word.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

Be wise, listen to the mewnk

 

[Ibix]

Is it just me, or does that cat look like it doesn't subscribe to the non-violence parts of Buddhist philosophy? At least in relation to the photographer.

 

[topsquark]

Is it just me, or does that cat look like it doesn't subscribe to the non-violence parts of Buddhist philosophy? At least in relation to the photographer.

The Buddha taught non-violence, not non-aggression!

-Dan

 

[BillTre]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

Finished it!

 

[davenn]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[davenn]