Collection of Lame Jokes

[Orodruin]

View attachment 340763

I would also like to see a comparison of vocal range and ease with which the register is used …

 

[BillTre]

This guy(Tim Foust) has good range and does it easily:

 

[WWGD]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 340780

I thought it was this one:

 

[fresh_42]

Will we make it?

 

[fresh_42]

"My wife always said she was the better driver. I had our dog decide it."

 

[DennisN]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 340819

I did once come across a website that required you to declare you were over 16 by entering your date of birth. You couldn't type your date of birth, you had to enter it with a calendar control that only let you click forwards or backwards one month at a time and defaulted to today's date. That's a minimum of 192 clicks to reach the first "allowed to use this service" date of birth.

I decided to go elsewhere.

 

[fresh_42]

A boss seeks more respect and hangs a sign at his door "I am the boss!"
After lunchtime, someone added a note: "Your wife called in. She wants her sign back!"

 

[Ibix]

Did you hear Sting has retired? He'll now be known as Stung.

 

[DrGreg]

Did you here Sting has retired? He'll now be known as Stung.

I can't bee leave it!

 

[fresh_42]

I can't bee leave it!

Police have confirmed.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Who illegalized the poor girl in the first place?

 

[Ibix]

Who illegalized the poor girl in the first place?


View attachment 340848

I think marinara is a kind of pasta sauce, not a girl's name. That would be Maria or Marina, I think.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]

Local German store advertising " The best of the Wurst".

 

[fresh_42]

Local German store advertising " The best of the Wurst".

German is the only language in which "Das ist völliger Käse, aber eigentlich auch Wurst." (It's totally cheese, but it's actually also sausage.) makes perfect sense.

"Käse" (cheese) is used as a synonym for "nonsense".
"Wurst" (sausage) is used as a synonym for another specifically German word: "egal".
It does not only look like "equal", it probably also has the same origin.
However, it is used differently. "equal" in German is "gleich". "egal" is best translated as "anyway", "doesn't matter", "either way", or "I don't care". It summarizes all these different meanings in four letters. Hence "Das ist völliger Käse, aber eigentlich auch Wurst." (It's totally cheese, but it's actually also sausage.) means: "It's complete nonsense but who cares."

There is another four letter word I really miss in other languages: "doch". The Hungarians say "de igen" (but, yes) and in English it would probably be "oh yes." It stands for "I contradict what you have said and restate what I have said." What an effort if only four letters would do: doch! "Yes" alone doesn't transport enough contradiction.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

OK, but why do you have a stick of dynamite in the corner?

 

[fresh_42]

OK, but why do you have a stick of dynamite in the corner?

That's a trademark of the artist. The pipe and the eye are also a kind of signature. There is normally also a piece of blueberry cake.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

German is the only language in which "Das ist völliger Käse, aber eigentlich auch Wurst." (It's totally cheese, but it's actually also sausage.) makes perfect sense.

Jalapeño cheddar smoked sausage

Wiesbauer typisch österreichisch Käsewurst

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DrGreg]

The pipe and the eye are also a kind of signature.

Cela n'est pas une pipe.

 

[fresh_42]

Cela n'est pas une pipe.

I admit I was too lazy to look up the correct word and decided to live with the uncertainty, sorry.

 

[DrGreg]

I admit I was too lazy to look up the correct word and decided to live with the uncertainty, sorry.

The word is correct. I was making a different joke.

The Treachery of Images

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Orodruin]

You spoonfeed them as carefully and with as much patience as you can.
When they try to implement what you have showed them they make a complete mess of things, mixing things up in ways you never thought possible.
If you try to gently correct them they start crying because they want to do it themselves.
In the end, you just hope some of it stayed in.

If parental leave is teaching me anything it is that my job as a university professor is a lot like feeding a one-year-old.

 

[BvU]

… Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

 

[Orodruin]

… Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you

Are we talking about the kids or the students?

 

[BvU]

The dutch expression is
'You get so much in return'

All very philosophical

$\$

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Borg]

Also, be sure the take the stick out of your butt.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

Why is it a bad idea to throw your false teeth out the window while you're driving?

You might denture car.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[DennisN]