Collection of Lame Jokes

[Ibix]

View attachment 340569

Happens once every six months.

 

[BillTre]

Its President's Day:

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Orodruin]

This reminded me of the following oldie goldie:

A constant and $e^x$ were out walking when they spotted a differential operator in the distance.
- Oh no! exclaimed the constant. That differential operator will kill me!
- Fear not! said $e^x$. Stand next to me and I will protect you!
As the differential operator approached, they both declared themselves in unison:
- Hello, differential operator! We are constant $e^x$, pleased to meet you!
- Hello, constant $e^x$! I am $\partial/\partial y$.

 

[BillTre]

 

[Orodruin]

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle.

 

[Ibix]

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle.

Go on, tell us then.

 

[phinds]

 

[jbriggs444]

Go on, tell us then.

That is something you will need to discover yourself.

 

[Ibix]

That is something you will need to discover yourself.

But when?

 

[DrGreg]

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle.

That is something you will need to discover yourself.

Who's on first.

 

[Sagittarius A-Star]

But when?

What do you think?

 

[Ibix]

What do you think?

I think if I look in my shed...

 

[Sagittarius A-Star]

I think if I look in my shed...

This makes sense!

 

[Orodruin]

Go on, tell us then.

I just did …

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Ibix]

I just did …

He he he!

 

[nsaspook]

Why you should never wear high heels at work.

 

[Jonathan Scott]

Go on, tell us then.

Note the absence of a question mark. However, it would be clearer with the presence of quote marks.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 340625

Grizzled.

 

[Sagittarius A-Star]

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle.

Note the absence of a question mark. However, it would be clearer with the presence of quote marks.

Yes. @Orodruin used the same trick before. There, a "." was missing at the end of the sentence:

I found that one hillarious because it is a spoof of the order-of-operations questions. Rather clever actually. The answer really is 5!

 

[Ibix]

Note the absence of a question mark. However, it would be clearer with the presence of quote marks.

Go on, tell us then.

He he he!

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 340630

I suspect that's why so many men dress so shabby, maybe myself included. Clothes shopping seems unbearably boring. So they either don't shop to upgrade or buy the first think they find, independent of how it fits.
I have this idea of a men-only store where you just walk around in your underwear, tey things on, take them off.

 

[fresh_42]

I suspect that's why so many men dress so shabby, maybe myself included. Clothes shopping seems unbearably boring. So they either don't shop to upgrade or buy the first think they find, independent of how it fits.
I have this idea of a men-only store where you just walk around in your underwear, tey things on, take them off.

I met a man who after finding a pair of trousers that fitted, always bought ten of them.

 

[WWGD]

I met a man who after finding a pair of trousers that fitted, always bought ten of them.

Mark Zuckerberg from Facebook says he does the same to avoid wasting time, mind share figuring out what to wear*

*A popular show in TLC in the 2000s.

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

My kind of guy:

 

[DaveC426913]

"Oh my God, we're lost in the spoom!"

Hiker #2: "You're holding the map upside-down."

 

[Orodruin]

 

[BillTre]

Party Animal:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nuuskur]

What is a four letter word with a small laugh in the middle.

Reminds me of an episode from Garfield & friends (a 90s cartoon). There were three workers on Orson's farm called What, Where and Who.

 

[Borg]

The Navy used to have a web site called Errheads with daily pictures of stuff like that. Forklifts lifting forklifts lifting ladders and other such fun.

 

[Arjan82]

On that note:

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

There were three workers on Orson's farm called What, Where and Who.

What position did Where play?

Who's on first, What's on second...

 

[phinds]

Dangers of Technology​

At a Sacramento PC User's Group meeting (many years ago), a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down.

Just then someone in the back of the room yelled, "Format C: Return."

Someone else chimed in: "Yes, Return."

Unfortunately, the software worked.

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 340551

"THE" Joe?

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

I don't have Instagram.

My food isn't long enough on the table to take a picture.​

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 340768

I like it very much when jokes have more than one level! But it is hard to achieve. Some jokes are simply flat.

 

[fresh_42]

The title says: If you're a bus driver and hate people.