Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

What do you call it when you wake up in the morning covered in small denomination coins?

Moneypox

 

[BillTre]

 

[Ibix]

Why did the Star Wars films come out in order of episodes 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of planning Yoda was.

 

[fresh_42]

"Do I need to bring anything?"
"Just good mood!"
Have canceled then.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[Borg]

It's true. When I lived in Kentucky, my neighbor had a ferret. He was dangerous and spent time at the local bar. Nothing like a mean drunk ferret.

 

[Ibix]

Why aren't THEY covering anything up in Utah?

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 312975

Florida is a nice one.

 

[Borg]

Florida is a nice one.

It really should be Florida Man.

 

[fresh_42]

My result: 15 s.

 

[phinds]

Actors and their stunt doubles

Coincidentally, I just read a short article about all the bones that Jackie Chan has broken over the years due to the fact that he does all his own stunts. It's a frightening list. Among other things he once broke his ankle and after being told he needed to stay completely off it for at least a week, he just painted the cast to look like a sock and then went right back and finished the movie.

He once jumped off the top of a 100 ft building to catch a rope hanging from a passing helicopter. He missed and fell to the ground. NO safety net or bounce pad. Broke numerous bones including a rib that punctured a lung. Guy is amazing.

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Coincidentally, I just read a short article about all the bones that Jackie Chan has broken over the years due to the fact that he does all his own stunts. It's a frightening list. Among other things he once broke his ankle and after being told he needed to stay completely off it for at least a week, he just painted the cast to look like a sock and then went right back and finished the movie.

He once jumped off the top of a 100 ft building to catch a rope hanging from a passing helicopter. He missed and fell to the ground. NO safety net or bounce pad. Broke numerous bones including a rib that punctured a lung. Guy is amazing.

One of the reasons why I respect Jackie over many other artists. He's a living legend.

 

[phinds]

Well, I sent this to my son and he had just happened to see a video recently that showed clearly that not only does Chan use stunt double but he as stated as much on many occasions. He has ALSO said, on late night talk shows, that he does all his own stunts. So there are two Chans ... the honest one and the one that promotes his career.

None of that detracts from the fact that he DOES do most of his own stunts and he HAS been severely injured multiple times.

 

[fresh_42]

None of that detracts from the fact that he DOES do most of his own stunts and he HAS been severely injured multiple times.

... and it produces marvelous outtakes.

 

[BillTre]

So there are two Chans ... the honest one and the one that promotes his career.

Maybe its young Jackie and older Jackie.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

NO safety net or bounce pad. Broke numerous bones including a rib that punctured a lung. Guy is amazing.

Amazingly stupid and reckless?

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 313008

Well, they all escaped until recently when some vegans managed to domesticate them and breed in captivity.

 

[JT Smith]

View attachment 312808

A good one but unfortunately not true. If this weren't a science website who would care? Well maybe nobody cares anyways...

My sweetie and I love to put toasted pine nuts on our salads. When we are out of nuts are the salads as good? I suppose that would be a matter of a pinyon.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 313007

Is it that the numbers read
465
123
which is a strange order for gears.

https://www.rnib.org.uk/sites/default/files/Braille%201_v2-corrected.jpg

 

[fresh_42]

Is it that the numbers read
465
123
which is a strange order for gears.

https://www.rnib.org.uk/sites/default/files/Braille%201_v2-corrected.jpg

I can't read Braille.

 

[phinds]

Amazingly stupid and reckless?

Amazing. Period.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[mfb]

What would the director know about the movie anyway?

Reminds me of Natalie Portman's t-shirt.

 

[Orodruin]

 

[Orodruin]

 

[malawi_glenn]

 

[jack action]

 

[fresh_42]

What would the director know about the movie anyway?

Reminds me of Natalie Portman's t-shirt.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_in_Black_(1997_film)

 

[dextercioby]

 

[mfb]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_in_Black_(1997_film)

Ah writer, not director. That's even better.

 

[phinds]

 

[Mayhem]

Pearson textbooks be like:

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 313032

A real thing, apparently.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

View attachment 313152

Reminds me of the story told by Jeanne Robertson about the time she sent her husband (whom she calls "left brain") to the store with a numbered grocery list.

He came home with
1 dozen eggs
2 gallons of milk
3 boxes of cheerios
4 packages of bacon
.
.
.
etc

 

[Swamp Thing]

Reminds me of the story told by Jeanne Robertson about the time she sent her husband (whom she calls "left brain") to the store with a numbered grocery list.

He came home with
1 dozen eggs
2 gallons of milk
3 boxes of cheerios
4 packages of bacon
.
.
.
etc

How about:
◯ dozen eggs
◯ gallons of milk
◯ boxes of cheerios
◯ packages of bacon

 

[DrClaude]

Reminds me of the story told by Jeanne Robertson about the time she sent her husband (whom she calls "left brain") to the store with a numbered grocery list.

He came home with
1 dozen eggs
2 gallons of milk
3 boxes of cheerios
4 packages of bacon
.
.
.
etc

I don't get how the numbers can be anything but multipliers here. @Swamp Thing's list illustrates this, as it makes no sense to write

◯ dozen eggs
◯ gallons of milk
◯ boxes of cheerios
◯ packages of bacon

 

[Swamp Thing]

I don't get how the numbers can be anything but multipliers here. @Swamp Thing's list illustrates this, as it makes no sense to write

I think we are to understand that the actual list looked like

1 eggs
2 milk
3 cheerios
4 bacon

And the list in phinds' post is what the guy came home with. Presumably, he filled in the units for each quantity according to his best judgement.

And the premise of my own feeble joke is that if it was a list with circle bullets, he would have come home with zero of each item.

 

[Orodruin]

And the premise of my own feeble joke is that if it was a list with circle bullets, he would have come home with zero of each item.

... or simply never have left ...

 

[Swamp Thing]

... or simply never have left ...

Depends on how left-brained he was.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[BillTre]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 313168

My first thought is Jar-Jar Binks in tree form.

 

[Ibix]

My first thought is Jar-Jar Binks in tree form.

Old, but related.

 

[strangerep]

[what the hell is that...]

I wouldn't have thought it possible that any Ent, no matter how disturbingly disfigured, could fail to get a part in The Two Towers.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[dextercioby]