Collection of Lame Jokes

[Baluncore]

I still keep trying to think about how this car will manage to close anything, let alone a house.

"You're car is to close to my house!"
That is an instruction, to close the distance between the car and the house, presumably to zero.

 

[fresh_42]

"You're car is to close to my house!"
That is an instruction, to close the distance between the car and the house, presumably to zero.

Ah! I thought close in the sense of lock.

 

[phinds]

Ah! I thought close in the sense of lock.

without the word "to", you would have been correct. In English "close to my house" is distance. "close my house" is a command.

 

[gmax137]

"I want you to close my house."

 

[WWGD]

He's to close two the house.

 

[jtbell]

 

[256bits]

"I want you to close clothe my house."

in the spirit of the original posting.
One of them has better spots
:)

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

Spoiler

Dusty Springfield

 

[jtbell]

Did you hear about the truck that got into a wreck and spilled thousands of slippery hotdogs all over the road?

The cleanup crew didn't relish its job.

 

[DaveC426913]

The cleanup crew didn't relish its job.

:checks thread title: Yep, that tracks.

 

[WWGD]

I'm doing a small effort to protect my phone's security by wrapping it in tin foil. If it wears out, I can always cut a chunk out of my hat.

 

[256bits]

View attachment 363957

Spoiler

Dusty Springfield

The crop of springs look ready for harvest.
A bit over ripe, but that's just an o pinion.

 

[Baluncore]

The crop of springs look ready for harvest.

Unlike leaf springs, coil springs are deciduous.
"Spring is in the air".

 

[fresh_42]

The crop of springs look ready for harvest.
A bit over ripe, but that's just an o pinion.

Next Spring Break is already scheduled.

 

[jack action]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

It seems Sting decided against touring in the US after seeing all those F*#$ the Police signs in the streets, outside the stadiums where they were playing. .

 

[jtbell]

 

[davenn]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

Because of a staffing shortage, a baseball league experimented with using a single umpire to cover first, second and third bases. But the poor guy kept tripping over second base, which led to the fall of the roamin' umpire.

 

[phinds]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

They're now slapping a TEMU tag on all packets delivered to avoid having them stolen by porch thieves.

 

[DennisN]

 

[WWGD]

 

[TensorCalculus]

"Unfortunately, string theory... comes with some strings attached *ba dum dum crash*"

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

 

[davenn]

OMG hahahaha

 

[WWGD]

He's caught Cupid.

 

[berkeman]

 

[phinds]

 

[berkeman]

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 364103

Unfortunately that joke now needs to be updated to say YOUXFACE which doesn't have the same punch.

 

[WWGD]

Monster and Career Builder may be merging. Maybe with the name Monster Builder, aka Frankenstein?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[berkeman]

 

[WWGD]