Collection of Lame Jokes

[BillTre]

Saw a bumper sticker yesterday:

It's Not a Competition, Loser

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

My neighbor called the police yesterday because I was listening to AC/DC too loud.

They arrested him.

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 323516

I remember seeing a video of a supposed haunting where a ghost moved items in the house for a five minute period at 1am or something nearly every night. A commentator observed that it was an interesting feature of the ghost that it apparently respected summertime clock changes.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 323526

She saw the light on the night that she passed by his window,
she saw the flickering shadows of love on his blind ...

 

[WWGD]

She saw the light on the night that she passed by his window,
she saw the flickering shadows of love on his blind ...

It was one of those nights when you turn off the lights, and every thing comes into you...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 323516

You're two weeks early: the UK (and the rest of Europe) haven't changed the clocks yet.

 

[artis]

My neighbor called the police yesterday because I was listening to AC/DC too loud.

They arrested him.

Fun fact: Electrical engineers only ever hear the AC part of AC/DC

If AC/DC wanted to stay true to their name they should have made at least a few songs that are completely silent with only a "bump" at the start and one at the end of the song...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[phinds]

View attachment 323571

Would actually have been more accurate if they were ALL accordions

 

[fresh_42]

Would actually have been more accurate if they were ALL accordions

Here we go. Even the ambiance fits:

 

[nsaspook]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 323623

FYI, Baileys and Coke curdles more or less instantly. A friend ordered a vodka and coke and a Baileys and the bartender was new and got mixed up. The result looked so revolting none of us dared taste it...

 

[fresh_42]

FYI, Baileys and Coke curdles more or less instantly. A friend ordered a vodka and coke and a Baileys and the bartender was new and got mixed up. The result looked so revolting none of us dared taste it...

I couldn't imagine from which country this picture stems. You can buy Whisky Coke and similar at every gas station in one can over here. Mixing those things isn't even necessary.

 

[Ibix]

I couldn't imagine from which country this picture stems.

I don't recognise the Orange Crush drink in the middle. Wiki says it's distributed in the US, Canada, Syria, Lebanon, and Chile. What I can read of the labels looks English, so my money's on the US or Canada.

 

[fresh_42]

I don't recognise the Orange Crush drink in the middle. Wiki says it's distributed in the US, Canada, Syria, Lebanon, and Chile. What I can read of the labels looks English, so my money's on the US or Canada.

Don't they have special drug dealers for liquor in the US? I mean, we are talking about a market that forbids Kinder surprise eggs and probably Mon Chéri as we know it. So wouldn't all that soda stuff in a liquor store be just wasted space? That's why I thought it could have been from the UK, but I stumbled upon Crush, too.

 

[Ibix]

Black Velvet is apparently a Canadian whiskey, so I'd lean towards Canada.

 

[fresh_42]

Black Velvet is apparently a Canadian whiskey, so I'd lean towards Canada.

On one occasion, they said that this ...

... was taken from Scotland. Would that be correct?

 

[Ibix]

On one occasion, they said that this ...

View attachment 323624

... was taken from Scotland. Would that be correct?

I've not been to Scotland in something like ten years.

My guess is that if it really is in Scotland it was put up by a private citizen as a joke or some local council as a rather ill-thought-out safety campaign. The graphic style doesn't match British standards for clarity and the colour scheme is wrong, although there seems to be a bit of a fad for ignoring inconvenient things like safety standards in road markings in recent years. It could be anywhere with English as an official language, though.

 

[collinsmark]

Don't they have special drug dealers for liquor in the US? I mean, we are talking about a market that forbids Kinder surprise eggs and probably Mon Chéri as we know it. So wouldn't all that soda stuff in a liquor store be just wasted space? That's why I thought it could have been from the UK, but I stumbled upon Crush, too.

I don't recognise the Orange Crush drink in the middle. Wiki says it's distributed in the US, Canada, Syria, Lebanon, and Chile. What I can read of the labels looks English, so my money's on the US or Canada.

Yes, Orange Crush is is a common orange flavored soft drink (soda pop) in the US. It's been around for awhile, over a hundred years actually. As a matter of fact, the band REM even wrote a song by that name, back in the 1980s.


(There's music in the video, of course, so you'll probably have to watch it on YouTube in a new tab.)

 

[fresh_42]

I've not been to Scotland in something like ten years.

Doesn't matter. My thought was, if it is Scotland, the probability is high that it had come to your attention by local media or internet feeds. And if it was an official traffic sign, then it would exist in England, too. The picture I first saw this sign (without the text add-on) could well have been in Britain judging by its background. But it was on fb, which means there is no chance of ever finding it again. I usually "like" such memes for that matter, but I didn't "like" it this time.

 

[BillTre]