Collection of Lame Jokes

[DrGreg]

Why did I think of this?

(This will make sense only if you have seen a specific British sitcom from the 70s and early 80s.)

 

[fresh_42]

Say hello to our new employee in accounting!

Spoiler

Excel Rose

 

[phinds]

 

[ohwilleke]

 

[fresh_42]

Installation expert!

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

A DEA officer stopped by our farm and said “I need to inspect your farm for growing illegal drugs.” I said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The arrogant officer shoved his badge in my face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land!!
I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull. With every step the bull was gaining ground. The officer was clearly terrified.
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs, “Your badge, show him your BADGE!!”

 

[davenn]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 324171

View attachment 324172

View attachment 324173

Those three made me laugh out loud, thanks!

 

[ohwilleke]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

A man orders 5 beers and drinks them pretty fast.
Then he orders 4 beers and drinks them pretty fast.
Then 3.
Then 2.

Then he slurs: That is funny. The less I drink the more I get drunk.

 

[berkeman]

A little engineering humor...

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BvU]

What happened to

“Never insult seven men when all your packing is a six-shooter.”

— Zane Grey

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

Ouch! Took me at least 20 seconds to figure that one out. Embarrassing.

 

[Bystander]

Ouch! Took me at least 20 seconds to figure that one out. Embarrassing.

You beat me by ~ a minute---no longer king of the __________.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

View attachment 324230

This is reality! There are a few sites in Germany where busloads of Chinese tourists are regularly driven through (Rüdesheim, Tittsee, Heidelberg, Neuschwanstein). And not a few of them carry back home all the trash they produced!

 

[dextercioby]

Arguably, the ad could have been placed better.

 

[ohwilleke]

 

[phinds]

Pretty sure this one, or one just like it, has been posted here before, but just in case ...

 

[BvU]

Typical case of Better safe than sorry

 

[Bandersnatch]

I don't know, man. The Trojans weren't particularly reliable when it comes to letting a fun thing in and keeping it from spilling out a few sneaky guys that then mess up everything.

 

[fresh_42]

Typical case of Better safe than sorry

You certainly mean by buying the diapers.

 

[fresh_42]