Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borek]

Somehow that reminds me that God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.

 

[nismaratwork]

A friend of mine used to always say "mine's only 5 inches but, most women like 'em that wide". Now that I think of it, he didn't have a good memory either.

It is a "lame" joke... remember.

 

[nismaratwork]

Somehow that reminds me that God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.

Another classic, "We [men] are life support systems for a penis."

 

[jtbell]

This subthread reminds me of a joke that was posted in another thread a few years ago:

https://www.physicsforums.com/showpost.php?p=1421016&postcount=217

 

[nismaratwork]

EVO!

 

[DevilsAvocado]

"If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks."

Classic Evo

 

[DevilsAvocado]

"When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose."

A friend of mine used to always say "mine's only 5 inches but, most women like 'em that wide". Now that I think of it, he didn't have a good memory either.

Somehow that reminds me that God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.

 

[nismaratwork]

Thank you kind sir, thank you!

 

[DevilsAvocado]

Kasparov's Apocalypse Now

*** Warning! Body part in strange environment! ***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFcZm7UUYIg

 

[nismaratwork]

Oh god, isn't that priceless?

 

[DevilsAvocado]

 

[lisab]

That probably led to some strange conversations over dinner that evening.

"How was work today? Anything interesting happen?"

"I batted a flying penis out of the air. How was your day, dear?"

 

[nismaratwork]

That probably led to some strange conversations over dinner that evening.

"How was work today? Anything interesting happen?"

"I batted a flying penis out of the air. How was your day, dear?"

LAME jokes Lisa... you're supposed to be LAME. You go join DaveC... that was funny.

 

[DevilsAvocado]

"I batted a flying penis out of the air. How was your day, dear?"

 

[nismaratwork]

I want to get a tiny version of that, and fly it into Qaddafi's ear.

Then you detonate the C4...

 

[DevilsAvocado]

I want to get a tiny version of that, and fly it into Qaddafi's ear.

Actually, I think we can fix this!

3 men walk into a bar.

After they drink a couple of beers they are ready to leave, but the bartender won't let them unless they have 12 inches of dick between them.

The first guy whips his out and shows 6 inches.

The second guy drops his pants and shows 5 inches.

Finally, the third guy shows his 1 inch dick.

The bartender says "Ok, that's 12 inches you can go".

As the're walking away the first guy sais to the third, "Thank god you had a boner or we'd still be there."

 

[Lancelot59]

Kasparov's Apocalypse Now

*** Warning! Body part in strange environment! ***

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFcZm7UUYIg

I remember seeing that on the news. Fun times.

Incidentally I happen to be both well endowed and have a good memory.

 

[Oldfart]

In the news: HEROIC PIT BULL JOURNEYS 2000 MILES TO ATTACK OWNER!

 

[sandbanana]

A plane was flying from Poland to France and then to America. To keep track of nationalities for customs assigned seating was used. France nationals were on one side while Polish nationals occupied the other. On the descent into America the French were clammoring about the spectacular views. Curious, one of the Polish stepped onto the French side to see. Immediately and without warning the aircraft burst into flames and plummeted to Earth. When asked why the plane crashed so suddenly, a FAA spokesperson answered, "We discovered a pole in the right half of the plane."

 

[Gokul43201]

That's like the joke about Cauchy's dog. They say it leaves a residue at every pole.

 

[nismaratwork]

That's like the joke about Cauchy's dog. They say it leaves a residue at every pole.

Heh...

I'm ashamed that I laughed at that...

Still...

Hehheh...

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x10²⁴, in kilograms.It was actually in gigagrams.

 

[Lancelot59]

Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x10²⁴, in kilograms.


It was actually in gigagrams.

He must have a really flat personality now.

 

[Borek]

It was actually in gigagrams.

It adds new meaning to the statement "check your units" that we see so often at PF.

 

[jtbell]

That's like the joke about Cauchy's dog. They say it leaves a residue at every pole.

That's why Poles hate Cauchy's dog, eh?

 

[IMP]

Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x10²⁴, in kilograms.


It was actually in gigagrams.

I bet that mistake weighs heavy on him these days...

 

[nismaratwork]

Bob was an astronaut, but he's not anymore. He landed on an object he thought had a mass of 4x10²⁴, in kilograms.


It was actually in gigagrams.

That's what happens when you use a slide-rule upside down...

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

It adds new meaning to the statement "check your units" that we see so often at PF.

Wow! I didn't know my jokes had hidden meaning...

 

[FtlIsAwesome]

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know ternary, those who don't, and those who thought this was going to be a binary statement.


There are 10 types of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.


There is 10 type of people in this world: those who know that this statement is a paradox.


There are 10 types of people in this world: well, apparently this world is uninhabited.

 

[Lancelot59]

That's what happens when you use a slide-rule upside down...

I wish I knew how to use one of those.