Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

Can't be. Swiss army knives are called Sackmesser in Switzerland. And it does not stick in the gators sack.

Gators? You mean as in the UF Gators? How would they have a sack?

 

[BillTre]

Another from Groucho:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, its too dark to read.

 

[256bits]

Ha Ha . The dog ate my homework...

 

[jack action]

 

[jtbell]

If you need any evidence that Southerners can't handle snow...

Yesterday evening, the Palmetto Curling Club (!) in Greer SC canceled an event on account of snow... about 1" or 2" of it.

(along with lots of schools, churches, etc., according to the crawl along the bottom of the local TV news)

 

[WWGD]

Long distance relationships can work ...when the four of you trust each other.

 

[WWGD]

Worse IT book I ever bought?
The one by this guy, Steven King.

 

[davenn]

now that the 48 hour power cut has ended at home, I can start posting fun stuff again

 

[fresh_42]

Worse IT book I ever bought?
The one by this guy, Steven King.

I'm not quite sure whether this is a joke, or you just missed the point! In my remembrance some IT projects ...

 

[jack action]

And you thought smoking at the pump was risky ...

 

[Stephenk53]

And you thought smoking at the pump was risky ...

View attachment 256948​

How shocking

 

[davenn]

I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone,
you have to be in Cahoots with someone else. I've also never been in Cognito.
I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport,
you have to be driven there.

 

[gmax137]

I've been to a lot of places

Have you been in Kadinkadoo?

 

[DrGreg]

I've been to a lot of places,

Just don't tell me you've been in Credible. I won't believe it.

 

[fresh_42]

Just don't tell me you've been in Credible. I won't believe it.

He has an alibi. I saw him in Flagranti.

 

[fresh_42]

Did you know that there is an Irish pub where physicists are not allowed to enter? It's called Inn Ertia, and you can never get them out again.

 

[WWGD]

Did you know that there is an Irish pub where physicists are not allowed to enter? It's called Inn Ertia, and you can never get them out again.

Ive been nearby in "A Set of Measure zero". All sorts of things happen outside of it.

 

[DrGreg]

Ive been nearby in "A Set of Measure zero". All sorts of things happen outside of it.

Almost always.

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

Almost always.

Intetesting that some say almost always others say almost everywhere. Maybe almost anyhow?

 

[WWGD]

Neil D. Tyson is not optimistic about prospects of most trips to outer space. Degrasse is not greener for Neil.

 

[gmax137]

I worked with a guy, by last name DeGrasse. We all called him Moe.

 

[WWGD]

I worked with a guy, by last name DeGrasse. We all called him Moe.

EDIT: We had someone last name Lester. We suggested not to name his kid Moe.

 

[Ibix]

Kid says to the teacher: "You wouldn't punish me for something I hadn't done, right?"

"Of course not," answers the teacher.

"Good," says the kid "'cos I haven't done my homework."

 

[WWGD]

Out on a date:
Done with the meal; she did not finish hers.
Waiter: Do you want to box to go?
Her: No, boxing is too violent. You can keep the food!

 

[davenn]

haha yup

 

[Ibix]

Just don't tell me you've been in Credible. I won't believe it.

Evitable, on the other hand, I would most certainly believe.

 

[fresh_42]

Someone could be in Trouble!

 

[256bits]

Waiter: Do you want take out?
Her. What? Take out what. I just got here.

 

[davenn]

 

[WWGD]

Is the population of Egypt growing?

I don't think so, they seems to be the same height as last time.

 

[WWGD]

Diarrhea is hereditary.
How so?
It runs in your jeans!

 

[256bits]

That is so bad!
Through word association, it made me think about stool pigeons. What do they eat for lunch?

 

[WWGD]

1: Describe yourself to us.
2: My father's name is laughing, my mother's name is smiling.
1: You're kidding.
2: No, he's my brother. I'm joking.

 

[WWGD]

I couldn't find the Italian chef at the corner restaurant.
It seems he pasta way.

 

[WWGD]

Akward recent text exchange:

--I'm here for you
__ Thank you, I am going through difficult times. I Just need someone to believe in me.
__Sorry, I don't recognize your number. Who are you?
--I'm your UBER, I am outside waiting for you.

 

[davenn]

How do planets get clean?

With a meteor shower!

 

[WWGD]

In the Senegal to France car rally people ride dakar all the way to Paris.

 

[fresh_42]

That one took me an entire minute ...

 

[Wrichik Basu]

Did Canada run out of names for streets?

 

[WWGD]

I wanted to create a belt made of clocks but I realized it would be a waist of time...

 

[jbriggs444]

I wanted to create a belt made of clocks but I realized it would be a waist of time...

Maybe you need an Ehrenvest?

 

[gmax137]

Did Canada run out of names for streets?

How about Metairie, Louisiana

 

[mfb]

Hickory Ave and Dickory Ave run parallel for nearly 2 km south of this map section.

How can Steamship circle have an end? It's a "C"-shaped road, not a circle.

That reminds me: "closed" starts with an open shape, but "open" starts with a closed shape.

 

[davenn]

haha

 

[Ibix]

I like drinking brake fluid, and I drink it all day every day. My wife says I'm addicted, but I can stop anytime.

 

[davenn]

I was just looking at my ceiling...

Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.

 

[fresh_42]

I was just looking at my ceiling...

Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.

I will borrow that for a joke elsewhere which isn't allowed here.

 

[WWGD]

Dr Kevorkian, the Euthanasia doctor, was an accomplished pianist. He even put out an album: "Jack Kevorkian, Unplugged".

 

[davenn]

I was outbid by 10cents for a settee on ebay.

So close, yet sofa.