Collection of Lame Jokes

[Borg]

Yes, but they hide if you look.

That's what they want you to think.

 

[Ibix]

Yes, but they hide if you look.

That's what they want you to think.

I don't trust either of you.

 

[Borg]

 

[BillTre]

 

[nuuskur]

An avocadomorph?

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[nsaspook]

The latest report on the earthquake in NY this morning:

 

[Borg]

I sent that exact same joke when my sister asked if I felt the quake.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[nsaspook]

View attachment 342879

And now the Aliens are here.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

With an infinite number of monkeys typing on an infinite number of computers, in very short order the stench in the room would be just god-awful.

 

[jtbell]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[DennisN]

View attachment 342870

If anyone wonders why cats do these things: they rub themselves against things to leave their scent and claim ownership of it.

One of my cats has done it lately with my tablet when I'm reading it in bed. She does it so intensely that she sometimes have closed apps when rubbing against the screen. She also has a habit of biting on the usb cable .

 

[DennisN]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 342903

I don't always encrypt my messages.

But when I do, hVysYYlLbPX7dpU3phVA.

 

[DrGreg]

hVysYYlLbPX7dpU3phVA.

That's easy for you to say...

 

[WWGD]

If anyone wonders why cats do these things: they rub themselves against things to leave their scent and claim ownership of it.

One of my cats has done it lately with my tablet when I'm reading it in bed. She does it so intensely that she sometimes have closed apps when rubbing against the screen. She also has a habit of biting on the usb cable .

I used to just pee around a seat in coffee shops , to mark it as mine, reserved. But, go figure, it seems " It's not acceptable ".

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 342966

I do actually, somewhere, have a bottle of deionised water that says "do not dilute" on the label.

 

[DennisN]

I used to just pee around a seat in coffee shops , to mark it as mine, reserved. But, go figure, it seems " It's not acceptable ".

 

[phinds]

 

[gmax137]

View attachment 342870

The funniest thing there is the username, "blubbernuggetss"

 

[jtbell]

View attachment 342966

I hear there are cans of unionized water certified by the AFL-CIO.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 343001

Wait a minute! Where is the top of the lower Oreo?!?!

 

[Ibix]

Wait a minute! Where is the top of the lower Oreo?!?!

Invisible against the glare from the cream. Honest.

 

[nsaspook]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 343012

It's my third...

-Dan

 

[dextercioby]

 

[phinds]

Spoiler

you might need special glasses for this one

 

[Orodruin]

Are those … E-clips?

 

[Bystander]

Spoiler

you might need special glasses for this one

View attachment 343029

Can NOT believe how long it took me....

 

[Orodruin]

Can NOT believe how long it took me....

About 4 minutes?

 

[Bystander]

About 4 minutes?

Yes, four longer than should have been necessary...maybe I'll mention it at my next phlebotomy.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

 

[topsquark]

View attachment 343061

Spiders are evil. Never listen to them!

-Dan

 

[davenn]

A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
"No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse."
"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer.
"No I did not," the doctor said.
"So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."
The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way.
The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

 

[phinds]

Printed on the door of the Linguistics Dept hallway:

 

[Borg]

 

[phinds]

Ah, the circle of life.