Collection of Lame Jokes

[Klystron]

Senegal was too far for walking, so I took Dakar and drove there.

I've seen a gal in Senegal at Zanzi Bar playing Congo drums.

 

[WWGD]

After his divorce, Robert changed his name to Robert " No Tengo" DeNiro.

 

[fresh_42]

I assume it is a deliberate joke

I wish I could share your optimism. I'm afraid that the reality is a sad one.

 

[jack action]

The caption seems rather harsh. The "Welcome" sign is printed upside down and backwards but not in "mirror writing".

It is not printed upside down and backward. All you have to do is rotate the mat 180° to have the "correct" wording (and have the letters ELC facing the right direction).

The comment refers to the laziness of the employee who did not bother to turn it around in the proper way when faced with a word that did not make sense and blindly wrote it on the sign.

But maybe everything was staged as is often the case on the internet.

 

[Klystron]

I wish I could share your optimism. I'm afraid that the reality is a sad one.

Lately I exhaust sadness and despair at our political sister site Civics Watch. I reserve Saturday morning PF for optimism and feeble humor.

 

[Klystron]

Name the Prince of Wales favorite novel.

Spoiler

Moby Dick

 

[fresh_42]

Lately I exhaust sadness and despair at our political sister site Civics Watch. I reserve Saturday morning PF for optimism and feeble humor.

This one is definitely humor:

The sign says "Men's Handbag" and below the title: "Ask your wife how much she paid for her."

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[dwarde]

How to change the station when the touch screen doesn't work.

 

[jtbell]

Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?

There are too many tellers!

 

[DaveC426913]

Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?

There are too many tellers!

This joke has not aged well.

I don't remember the last time I saw a bank with a teller.

 

[Ibix]

I don't remember the last time I saw a bank with a teller.

True. Everybody uses their tellerphone.

 

[DrGreg]

I don't remember the last time I saw a bank with a teller.

If you find a bank with pens and tellers, that'll be magic!

 

[jack action]

If you find a bank with pens and tellers, that'll be magic!

Did someone say pen and teller?

​

 

[BillTre]

Meanwhile in the surrealistic world of the comic pages:

 

[dextercioby]

 

[jtbell]

I don't remember the last time I saw a bank with a teller.

I was actually in two of them in one day last week. One to close out a checking account that I no longer need, and one to deposit the paper check that they gave me.

 

[jtbell]

If you find a bank with pens and tellers, that'll be magic!

I bet they'd make your money disappear with a snap of the fingers!

 

[jtbell]

Everybody uses their tellerphone.

Is that you, Jed?

 

[Klystron]

Is that you, Jed?

Old Jed? as in:

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed,
A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
And then one day he was shootin' at some food
And up through the ground come a bubblin' through:

Oil, that is. Black gold. Texas tea...

"Ballad of Jed Clampett" by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.

 

[jtbell]

Yep, that Jed, who goes to see Mr. Drysdale at his bank if necessary.

 

[Ibix]

Old Jed?

Yep, that Jed

Thank you - wasn't familiar with the reference.

 

[jtbell]

"Ballad of Jed Clampett" by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.

I've passed the Earl Scruggs Center (the former Cleveland County courthouse) in Shelby NC a few times, but I've never visited it. In a couple of weeks I might have the opportunity to do it.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[Klystron]

Yep, that Jed, who goes to see Mr. Drysdale at his bank if necessary.

Old Jed was a gentleman in the original sense. Visiting Mister Drysdale at the bank was polite cover for basking in Miss Jane's unflagging infatuation with male Clampetts. "Shucks!".

 

[jbriggs444]

"Ballad of Jed Clampett" by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.

"Up through the ground come a bubblin' crude"

It makes the next line work.

 

[berkeman]

 

[fresh_42]

Doc: "How much do you drink?"
Me: "Say 5 to six."
Doc: "5-6 is totally fine in a week."
Me: "Oh, in a week. Then about 30."
Doc: "30 beers a week are a few too many."
Me: "Beer counts, too?"

 

[DennisN]

 

[phinds]

Ah, the circle of life.

 

[dextercioby]

Mona Litha

 

[berkeman]

Mona Litha

LOL, with the recent passing of George Foreman, it took me a few seconds to figure this one out.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

" You said you were a hair stylist!"
" Yes, at the Dog shelter".

 

[WWGD]

New display at the Ohio Museum of Geology:
" Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks!"

 

[DaveC426913]

Doctor: "And how often do you exercise?"
Me: "Three times."
Doctor: "What? Three times a week? Three times a month?"
Me: "I said what I said."



Doctor: "OK, it looks like you need to make some lifestyle changes."
Me: "Easy! For, like, how long? A week? A month?"

 

[davenn]

 

[BillTre]

 

[WWGD]

The caption seems rather harsh. The "Welcome" sign is printed upside down and backwards but not in "mirror writing". I assume it is a deliberate joke since the stack of WELCOME mats are also displayed upside down, as mats frequently appear on doorsteps.

So, take it with a grain of salt, tongue in cheek, a minor joke, an attempt at humor, quirky and risible, but not a harbinger of end days. ;-)

My friend Mathew was a greeter at Walmart. He was a welcome Matt.

 

[Borg]

Depending on the customer, he could also be a door Matt.

 

[dextercioby]

 

[nuuskur]

Constipation

 

[WWGD]

Depending on the customer, he could also be a door Matt.

Or if gows to wash his clothes, he'll be a Laundry Matt.

 

[Klystron]

Or if gows to wash his clothes, he'll be a Laundry Matt.

It doesn't really Matt-er,
How much he splash and splatt-er.

 

[256bits]

AI is taking over his job. It will be called Auto Matt Ic.

 

[fresh_42]

If you want to get really surprised then order 1kg Matt in a German butcher shop.

 

[DaveC426913]

Enlighten me.

 

[Klystron]

View attachment 358907



Enlighten me.

Agree. The closest I came is the now discredited economist Arthur Laffer. It sort of, kind of, sounds like "half a" but still not very funny.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Laffer