Collection of Lame Jokes

[fresh_42]

Agree. The closest I came is the now discredited economist Arthur Laffer. It sort of, kind of, sounds like "half a" but still not very funny.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Laffer

Maybe "rather".

 

[Klystron]

Maybe "rather".

We could rewrite the original list of employee names:

Arthur - our best tech writer (author).
Bob - makes great fishing lures
Crystal -- very fragile.
Mary - always planning weddings.
Norm - an average employee.
...

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 358907



Enlighten me.

Arthur -> Arfur -> 'alf a -> half a

 

[berkeman]

Arthur -> Arfur -> 'alf a -> half a

Arthur -> Art her -> Mona Lisa -> half a smile

 

[WWGD]

We could rewrite the original list of employee names:

Arthur - our best tech writer (author).
Bob - makes great fishing lures
Crystal -- very fragile.
Mary - always planning weddings.
Norm - an average employee.
...

" He's such great cook, everyone calls him Alberto". Let's do a social experiment to repeat, spread these around see if they stick in the long run.

 

[WWGD]

If you're not too hungry, just have a half a Halvah.

 

[fresh_42]

We could rewrite the original list of employee names:

Arthur - our best tech writer (author).
Bob - makes great fishing lures
Crystal -- very fragile.
Mary - always planning weddings.
Norm - an average employee.
...

How about completing the alphabet?

Duck - cannot be found
Elliot - el idiot
Frank - has nothing to do
German - too accurate
Hank - picks up the phone and leaves
Ivan - does terrible jobs
John - nobody knows him
Kevin - always complains about the temperature
Lavender - smells good
...
...
Oscar - trashy desk
Pat - comes with his dog
Quentin - his work cannot be measured
Ralph - disgusting
Samson - our strongest employee
Tom - sounds like a drum
... <I need more time for the rest>

 

[Klystron]

How about completing the alphabet?

Duck - cannot be found
Elliot - el idiot
Frank - has nothing to do
German - too accurate
Hank - picks up the phone and leaves
Ivan - does terrible jobs
John - nobody knows him
Kevin - always complains about the temperature
Lavender - smells good
...
...
Oscar - trashy desk
Pat - comes with his dog
Quentin - his work cannot be measured
Ralph - disgusting
Samson - our strongest employee
Tom - sounds like a drum
... <I need more time for the rest>

Urban - very citified
Victor/Victoria - Employee of the Month
Wolfram - hard as steel
Xi - too exotic
Yetl -- too argumentative
Zed - always last on every list

 

[WWGD]

Urban - very citified
Victor/Victoria - Employee of the Month
Wolfram - hard as steel
Xi - too exotic
Yetl -- too argumentative
Zed - always last on every list

Del/Nabla-Deriving anything he runs into.

 

[WWGD]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

 

[WWGD]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

Guess it won't buy me much.

 

[Klystron]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

So, you've soured on that all citrus diet?

 

[Klystron]

I have a yen for Japanese food.

I have a hankering for Hungarian food. But 10 minutes later I'm hungry again.

 

[WWGD]

I have a hankering for Hungarian food. But 10 minutes later I'm hungry again.

To the waiter: " I just came back from Budapest".
" Hung(a)ry ?"
" Yes, please give me today's special."

 

[fresh_42]

I have a hankering for Hungarian food. But 10 minutes later I'm hungry again.

I will never understand why an entire stated demands to be taxed.

 

[WWGD]

Why doesn't anyone ever ask _ who_ is Waldo?

 

[berkeman]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 358914

I often wonder, other than obvious traits like color of the dog , Edit: size/weight, and breed, how can you tell two dogs appart? They all look the same to me.

 

[fresh_42]

No huddle corner!

 

[Klystron]

I often wonder, other than obvious traits like color of the dog , Edit: size/weight, and breed, how can you tell two dogs appart? They all look the same to me.

Yes, must be Matt's mutt.

Have you been in a foreign land without much fancy dog breeding? I ask because the dog in the above picture reminds of a "basic" or natural mutt common throughout rural Asia and Middle East. They are commonly colored yellow, brown and white with medium build.

 

[WWGD]

Yes, must be Matt's mutt.

Have you been in a foreign land without much fancy dog breeding? I ask because the dog in the above picture reminds of a "basic" or natural mutt common throughout rural Asia and Middle East. They are commonly colored yellow, brown and white with medium build.

Well, tbf, I also have the unfortunate trait of having trouble remembering human faces. So not sure.

 

[Ibix]

Well, tbf, I also have the unfortunate trait of having trouble remembering human faces. So not sure.

I have the opposite problem - an excellent memory for everything except names. Every so often I bump into a colleague I haven't seen for years. I recognise them and I can usually remember where I worked with them enough to have a casual conversation in the corridor, but can I remember their names...? The number of times I've ended up finishing the conversation with "good to see you... er... mate" is getting embarrassing.

I usually recall their names about half an hour later.

 

[fresh_42]

My God, how fast was he going?

 

[WWGD]

I have the opposite problem - an excellent memory for everything except names. Every so often I bump into a colleague I haven't seen for years. I recognise them and I can usually remember where I worked with them enough to have a casual conversation in the corridor, but can I remember their names...? The number of times I've ended up finishing the conversation with "good to see you... er... mate" is getting embarrassing.

I usually recall their names about half an hour later.

I feel your pain, ..., er, Apex was it?

 

[berkeman]

 

[Klystron]

Well, tbf, I also have the unfortunate trait of having trouble remembering human faces. So not sure.

Do not despair. After a head injury in 2000 my brain "recognized" almost every passing face, making walking through an airport quite interesting. This passed after a few months. Forgetting names persists but that is relatively common.

I try to look on the bright side. Everybody looked like a friend.

 

[256bits]

Meanwhile, in an alternative universe, on another world.

Most recent guidelines:
1. All sleep must be 8 hours straight. No more 8 hours gay.
2. Seeing the rise in measle cases, and possible bird flu crossover, it is recommended that you and in your family receive a third leach booster.

 

[Arjan82]

Zed - always last on every list

Oh, but Zed's dead baby... Zed's dead...

 

[WWGD]

Do not despair. After a head injury in 2000 my brain "recognized" almost every passing face, making walking through an airport quite interesting. This passed after a few months. Forgetting names persists but that is relatively common.

I try to look on the bright side. Everybody looked like a friend.

Strangely, though, I do remember all sorts of other minutia with little if any problem. Just not faces.

 

[BillTre]

Strangely, though, I do remember all sorts of other minutia with little if any problem. Just not faces.

Faces have their own special recognition area(s) in the brain.
See the man who mistook his wife for a hat book (https://www.amazon.com/Man-Who-Mistook-His-Wife/dp/0684853949?tag=pfamazon01-20).

 

[Bystander]

Oh, but Zed's dead baby... Zed's dead...

"Ving Rames," the only reason to deliberately name a male child "Irving" rather than "Sue."

 

[Ibix]

After a head injury in 2000 my brain "recognized" almost every passing face, making walking through an airport quite interesting.

"Interesting" as in the (alleged) Chinese curse "may you live in interesting times", I take it. That must have been an extremely strange sensation.

 

[Ibix]

"Ving Rames," the only reason to deliberately name a male child "Irving" rather than "Sue."

"A boy named Sue"? One of my favourites from Johnny Cash.

 

[DaveC426913]

 

[BillTre]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[BillTre]

View attachment 358982

They also make snacks for the dinosaurs during breaks in production.

 

[Swamp Thing]

View attachment 358982

When they say he "had" extra children... ?

 

[jtbell]

I recognise them and I can usually remember where I worked with them enough to have a casual conversation in the corridor, but can I remember their names...?

It happened to me yesterday in a restaurant. As I was walking to my table, a guy at a nearby table waved at me and smiled. His face looked familiar but I couldn't remember the name, so I just waved and smiled back. This is a popular place in a small town, so it's common to see people that you know or sort of know.

 

[davenn]

 

[berkeman]

 

[nsaspook]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[davenn]

 

[jtbell]

Or a bicycle.

 

[nuuskur]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[nsaspook]

Found the boat but no Mary Ann or Ginger.

 

[dextercioby]