Collection of Lame Jokes

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I applied for tenure as a student. From the Peter Pan Scholarship Fund.
 
Physics news on Phys.org
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fresh_42 said:
As we speak of practical tips for everyday life: If you garden naked, your neighbors will build you a fence!
Unless it's an attractive female.
 
berkeman said:
Wait, isn't this supposed to be a humor thread?
Titan was not funny at all but the graph is a darkish kind of a way. Very darkish.
 
If you're worried about your microwave collecting data or your TV spying on you ...

Just remember - Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
 
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Just showed up on my FB Community wall.
It's a dangerous world out there....
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jack action said:
If you're worried about your microwave collecting data or your TV spying on you ...

Just remember - Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
If you think there is no hope anymore, think of the lobsters in the aquarium of the Titanic.
 
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DrGreg said:
How can we trust driverless cars if they can't recognise traffic lights?
Heck, many human drivers can't recognize traffic lights....

-Dan
 
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My colleague received a puppy as a gift. Unfortunately, her husband is allergic, so he has to go. He's friendly, his name is Tom, he's 26 years old, and weighs 89 kg. If you're interested, please let me know!
 
It is well known that ##1+2+3+4+5+\cdots =−\frac{1}{12}##, which contradicts the fact ##1+2+3+4+5+\cdots## is positive. Since contradiction implies anything, it implies that Goldbach conjecture is true. Q.E.D.
 
My date wanted to go to the toilet but left through the front door. How stupid can you be?
 
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British Airways Flight Announcement:
Captain: "Ladies and gentlemen, weather’s clear- just relax and... OH MY GOD!"
[Dead silence]
Captain: "Apologies! A flight attendant just spilled coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
Irish Passenger from the Back:
"FOR THE LUVVA JAYSUS, YOU SHOULD SEE THE BACK O’ MINE!"
 
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Dad, did you know that in some countries, a man doesn't know a woman until after the wedding?
That's true in every country, my son, in every one.
 
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No man is an island,
Entire of itself;
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
If you're in the bath, 'tis the doorbell for thee.
 
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fresh_42 said:
Dad, did you know that in some countries, a man doesn't know a woman until after the wedding?
That's true in every country, my son, in every one.

so very true !!
 
What's the name of that place where people fall asleep during long meetings?

The bored room.
 
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