Collection of Lame Jokes
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I think father would be more efficient, but mother might work as well.Borg said:
I-Love-Maths2
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My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing
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That's amazing! Ask her for the symbol for coefficient of friction.I-Love-Maths2 said:
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I once had one who was a pro in stochastic. Unfortunately she only knew one distribution.Ibix said:
(Source: http://denverpetsupply.net/blog/7204/Hump-Day)
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Stavros Kiri
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Surgeon to Mr. Smith (who just had a demanding surgery performed to him):
"Mr. Smith, I'm really sorry, we're going to have to operate on you again tomorrow!"
(Smith:) What!? Why? No way!
(Surgeon:) I'm really sorry Mr. Smith! Unfortunatelly we forgot a pair of plastic surgical gloves inside you! ...
(Smith:) What!? I don't get it! And why? Is that too big of a deal to just charge my account for an extra $1 and buy new ones?!
"Mr. Smith, I'm really sorry, we're going to have to operate on you again tomorrow!"
(Smith:) What!? Why? No way!
(Surgeon:) I'm really sorry Mr. Smith! Unfortunatelly we forgot a pair of plastic surgical gloves inside you! ...
(Smith:) What!? I don't get it! And why? Is that too big of a deal to just charge my account for an extra $1 and buy new ones?!
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What do you call an 800lb gorilla with a machine gun?
Sir.
What do you call a deaf gorilla?
Anything you like - gorillas can't read lips.
Sir.
What do you call a deaf gorilla?
Anything you like - gorillas can't read lips.
Mentor
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What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is an animal that weighs over a ton. A Zippo is a little lighter.
Stavros Kiri
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Seems familiar! ... But please help me out here. Perhaps it's just that dementia starting! ...davenn said:
"a little lighter"? ... or just a lighter?Mark44 said:
Mentor
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Apparently you didn't get it ...Stavros Kiri said:
Stavros Kiri
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Don't be so sure. I just gave a different angle ...Mark44 said:
Mentor
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Mark44 said:
A "different angle" that completely misses and detracts from the joke. Changing the punch line to "just a lighter" loses the play on words that "a little lighter has."Stavros Kiri said:
Stavros Kiri
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Your joke is still there, and I liked it!Mark44 said:
256bits
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Huh.
I thought he had 2 brothers - Raymond being the only actor.
The second, younger, ended up working in a tire factory, and worked his way up.
His name, would you know it, was Rob.
I thought he had 2 brothers - Raymond being the only actor.
The second, younger, ended up working in a tire factory, and worked his way up.
His name, would you know it, was Rob.
OCR
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Don't forget his sister... De. . 
. 
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Science Advisor
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That reminds me of the armed robber, whose relatives were all armed police officers.
He died recently, surrounded by his family.Joke credit: Milton Jones
He died recently, surrounded by his family.Joke credit: Milton Jones
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.Drakkith said:
Stavros Kiri
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Are these jokes?
Stavros Kiri
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Potentially, in a modal sense, there's a chance that everything could likely, probably, be a joke to somebody, at some point with a certain probability corroborated against to/versus a certain degree of certainty, providing also, at that particular moment, that the particular person actually really gets the joke ... !Drakkith said:
[And I have no clue for the ~ last 7 posts ... but that's ok ... it's still fun! ...]
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Yeah. They really need another stepladder cable-tied (!) to the side so it can lean against the back wall, for lateral stability.davenn said: