Collection of Lame Jokes

[Tea Jay]

Do you know the difference between a jug of milk and a dozen ferocious rabid wolverines?
"No, what?"

Remind me to never send you to get groceries...

 

[Tea Jay]

Tachyon

Who's there?


Knock Knock

 

[Lancelot59]

I like those! Lolz were had.

 

[Tea Jay]

Did you hear about the blond tachyon?She was a fast woman, but wanted dinner AFTER...

 

[jtbell]

Have you ever noticed that stupid ideas (or jokes! ) seem to become smarter when they come at you rapidly?

It's called the dopeler effect.

 

[Drakkith]

I wanted a good joke at the expense of someone else, so I went to the mirror and laughed like a maniac.

 

[IMP]

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

 

[HeLiXe]

lololz

 

[turbo]

Why was the rap-singing stunt-pilot arrested?

For jinking and jiving.

 

[Drakkith]

Why was the rap-singing stunt-pilot arrested?

For jinking and jiving.

This one...hurts...my brain...

 

[HeLiXe]

lololollollll that was so great

 

[Ivan Seeking]

http://img407.imageshack.us/img407/4806/girlscouts.jpg

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Son: Dad, how will I know when it's the right time to get married?

Dad: When the little stick turns blue.

 

[Borek]

- If I die first, please, marry Jake.
- I thought you hate him?
- Exactly.

 

[gatztopher]

Saw this here ( http://tony.aiu.to/jokes/condoms.html ) had to post it

The Klein Bottle Condom: Modeled after the Klein bottle by a sexologist/topologist doing a study on transpatial invagination, Kleins are only for the most adventurous condom wearer since it is almost as difficult to get one off as it is to get it on (doing either has been compared to solving Rubik's cube). Theoretically, since they are one-sided, they must be totally impermeable and therefore the most effective condoms. Others believe the condom is so effective because it redirects the load into the fourth dimension (this may explain the "warning: side affects include becoming one's own grandpa"). Each package comes with an instruction booklet that is, unfortunately, 58 pages long.

 

[csmcmillion]

One Young-Earth Creationist says to another "Which is closer - the Moon or Mexico"? The other points at the Moon and replies "The Moon - Duh! You can't see Mexico from here".

 

[feathermoon]

Two fish are in a tank, one looks at the other and says...

..."You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Get it? Fish can't talk!

 

[feathermoon]

Q: How many Polish people does it take to elect the mayor of Warsaw?

A: Approximately 400,000, a plurality of the average number of voters in mayoral elections.

Q: Why do so few flights take off from Wroclaw?

A: Because you have to be very careful when putting simple Poles on complex planes.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Two fish are in a tank, one looks at the other and says...

..."You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Shouldn't that read, "You fish the guns, I'll drive!"?

 

[I_am_learning]

Teacher: There are 5 oranges on a mango tree. If I pick up 3 tomatoes how many potatoes would be left?
Students: It would be, 2 Elephants sir.
Teacher: Fantastic, How did you figure it out?
Students: Because we have omelets for our lunch today.

Moral of the Story: You have to brush your teeth twice daily, otherwise you would have rats on your home.

(Does this joke qualify for lame joke? (I don't actually know what a lame joke is?))

 

[Isaacsname]

Do you know what's the most difficult thing about licking hallucinogenic toads ?

They're ticklish when you get down around the testes.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Last night, my wife, Tsu, and I had little disagreement. After a bit of discussion she agreed that I was right. "Of course I am", said I, "That's why God made me the man!"

She just stared at me; apparently left speechless by this amazing demonstration of perfect logic.

 

[Drakkith]

Last night, my wife, Tsu, and I had little disagreement. After a bit of discussion she agreed that I was right. "Of course I am", said I, "That's why God made me the man!"

She just stared at me; apparently left speechless by this amazing demonstration of perfect logic.

Was that all your stuff outside on the lawn this morning?

 

[Lancelot59]

Was that all your stuff outside on the lawn this morning?

Or mysteriously missing with a big black stain on the lawn?

 

[Isaacsname]

I'm voting for this guy



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d_FvgQ1csE&feature=player_embedded#!

 

[IMP]

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/397557_308600239173774_100000714007923_1004846_1697206467_n.jpg

 

[checkitagain]

The answers are typed with the text in reverse.



Question:

What is a young sheepda called?








Answer:

adbmal a


-----------------------------------------


Question:

Why do mathematicians grow their plants
in boxes?








Answer:


.stoor erauqs teg ot tnaw yehT

 

[DaveC426913]

checkitgain: use the SPOILER tag (icon looks like an eye) in the advanced text editor.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Was that all your stuff outside on the lawn this morning?

Or mysteriously missing with a big black stain on the lawn?

Oh heck no! She is much more devious than that! Luckily I can sleep with one eye open.

 

[Lancelot59]

Oh heck no! She is much more devious than that! Luckily I can sleep with one eye open.

If you need a dog house I might be able to get you some good quality Canadian lumber.