Collection of Lame Jokes

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[sbrothy]

Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

OMG. A moderator should almost force you to apologize for that one!

But OK, I'm not a good example.

 

[jack action]

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies, when you cook bacon and bake cookies?

 

[WWGD]

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies, when you cook bacon and bake cookies?

And park in the driveway while driving in the parkway.

 

[jtbell]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

And park in the driveway while driving in the parkway.

Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing?

 

[WWGD]

Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing?

Regardless or Irregardless of which is the case!

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 365480

There's money to be made of lack of knowledge of basic Arithmetic.

 

[256bits]

Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing?

De seat and deceit are different in meaning and spelling.

As in,
Don't cause a ruckus with deceit while flying, as the stewardess may have cause to authorize you to lose de seat. .

 

[WWGD]

The seat and deceit are different in meaning and spelling..

When you walk with low quality shoes, you experience the agony of the feet . When you lose, you experience the agony of defeat.

 

[256bits]

Lancelot: With Excalibur, I will slice this rock into two.
Thor: With my Hammer, I will fracture this rock into two too.
Aphrodite: My new dresses. With my powers of Love, I command you to admire my two tutu too.

 

[WWGD]

Lancelot: With Excalibur, I will slice this rock into two.
Thor: With my Hammer, I will fracture this rock into two too.
Aphrodite: My new dresses. With my powers of Love, I command you to admire my two tutu too.

I changed attire to change a tire.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[WWGD]

View attachment 365495

Tell him if he drops something, ** I will pick it up **.;

 

[phinds]

In an episode of Family Guy Peter's father-in-law, Carter, complains that he can't turn of Amber (and I guess the entire spectrum of other colors you've got over there by now) Alerts on his phone. I looked the phenomenon up (I mean how many wanted to turn them off, not what they are) and was a little taken aback.

Now I can understand if you, by some error, get some that are relevant to an area 1500km away, but is it really that much trouble to be a little on the look out for some poor missing person, children or otherwise?

I've seen the indifference around me mind (grown people ignoring a crying 8-9 year old girl who's obviously, at a glance, lost, alone and afraid) and I just don't get it! Many of these people must have children themselves! Am I surrounded by psychos or is it just laziness?

In what way does that post belong in the joke thread?

 

[256bits]

Tell him if he drops something, ** I will pick it up **.;

You should be OK. He's not a member of the LGPTQ++.

How to know?
WARNING REDNECK JOKE.
How to know if you might be gay?
You ride around on a bi-cycle.

 

[sbrothy]

In what way does that post belong in the joke thread?

Well, my confusion sprang from a lame joke, but point taken. I can see it is a bit of a downer.

EDIT: I removed it. No reason to bring people down. I see that.
EDIT2: Sheez, and the time is 03:34 here! No wonder I'm getting extra scatterbrained.

 

[256bits]

In what way does that post belong in the joke thread?

You now entering another dimension. Your next stop is step 2 of Lame Jokes?

Step 1: Laugh when it's told.
Step 2: Laugh when it's explained.
Step 3: Laugh when you finally get it.

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind ... a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination—your next stop, the Twilight Zone.

—Rod Serling, The Twilight Zone, introduction

 

[sbrothy]

You now entering another dimension. Your next stop is step 2 of Lame Jokes?

Step 1: Laugh when it's told.
Step 2: Laugh when it's explained.
Step 3: Laugh when you finally get it.


—Rod Serling, The Twilight Zone, introduction

In this case I actually like Futurama's version better!

EDIT:

Imagine if you will, an announcer you can barely understand, he refers to a (mutters), but you're not quite sure what he said. He seems to be eating something, or perhaps he's a little drunk. It's remotely possible that he just said something about the Scary Door.

---- https://futurama.fandom.com/wiki/The_Scary_Door


EDIT: OMG It's Futurama. OK definitely bedtime now. I had my sleep cycle punched out of sync....

 

[256bits]

Sheez, and the time is 03:34 here!

Is your fridge running?

I had to ask to keep you alert.

 

[sbrothy]

Is your fridge running?

I had to ask to keep you alert.

I suspect you hope I'll go on a polar adventure in there!

 

[256bits]

I suspect you hope I'll go on a polar adventure in there!

My mind wanders sometimes.
I then have to go out looking for it.

 

[sbrothy]

My mind wanders sometimes.
I then have to go out looking for it.

I kinda recognize the problem. Although with my scatterbrain it's a little all over the place, so harder to find. I wouldn't be surprised if some of it really were in the fridge.

 

[WWGD]

 

[jtbell]

I didn't realize until I was about to post this, that it's a BOGO, or as we said when I was a kid, a "twofer."

 

[jtbell]

Why do we call a "buy one get one free" offer a BOGO?

Because BOGOF sounds too much like "bug off!"

 

[mjc123]

In the UK we say BOGOF. Never heard the term BOGO.

 

[mjc123]

In the UK we say BOGOF. Never heard the term BOGO.

(Maybe that's related to the way we pronounce Van Gogh?)

 

[WWGD]

 

[256bits]

I didn't realize until I was about to post this, that it's a BOGO, or as we said when I was a kid, a "twofer."

View attachment 365509

Can the fraction who don't get the joke ever be irrational number?

 

[fresh_42]

Can the fraction who don't get the joke ever be irrational number?

Yes, if the two who didn't get it are square.

 

[phinds]

In the UK we say BOGOF. Never heard the term BOGO.

Which is why America has a more vibrant economy. We are faster.

 

[256bits]

What I see in some places is damn the economy.
It's SOGOF

And they have locked stuff up, so one can't feel the merchandise.

 

[gmax137]

I hear a lot of people here (in the US) say, "buy one get one" while what they mean is, "pay for one, get two" but I guess "PFOGT" isn't going to make any sales.

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

View attachment 365521

Reminds me of the Church of the SubGenius, which you can join for $100 and guarantees salvation. Should you fail to achieve salvation, you will be met at the gates of paradise by "Bob" who will refund your $100 and offer you a copy of his book How to Enjoy Eternity on Only 5¢, which retails for $99.95.

 

[Herman Trivilino]

A physics professor cautioned other members at a meeting of the university budget committee how important it is to fund the physics department as money is needed to purchase equipment for research.

This is unlike other departments. For example, in the math department all that's needed are pencils, paper, and trash cans. And in the philosophy department they don't even need the trash cans.

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jtbell]

 

[WWGD]

 

[WWGD]

 

[symbolipoint]

#22923, from WWGD,
The sample lady may expect to let shoppers take one free roll. The gloves are just for the unknown.

 

[symbolipoint]

Why do "Flammable" and "Inflammable" mean the same thing?

A seriously good question and somebody no doubt can answer.

 

[WWGD]

 

[Ibix]

A seriously good question and somebody no doubt can answer.

Because "to inflame" something means to make it bigger, so it was potentially confusing to use inflammable to mean "can't catch fire". Hence "non-flammable" for material that can't catch fire.

 

[symbolipoint]

Not trying to be any joke, about stuff like BOGO,
FOMO : Fear Of Missing Out
BOLO: Be On the LookOut (for)

 

[jack action]

"Booty" and "butt" are synonyms.

"Call" and "dial" are synonyms.

But, a "booty call" and a "butt dial" are VERY different things.