My ex father-in-law passed away last night
Posted Jan19-09 at 03:16 PM by Evo
He was a really good man, I really liked him. He was funny and kind and was great with my two girls. That is how I will remember him.
I am glad that for several years when the girls were little that we lived in New York within about a 1 hour drive to Vermont where he and my mother-in-law lived. (The Evo Child was born in New York)
Unfortunately, for a number of years, he's had alzheimer's to the point that he no longer knew who he was and recognized no one. I think the girls would have prefered to remember him as he was and not have been made to visit him when he no longer knew who they were and wouldn't even talk to them. The visits seemed to have upset them, more than anything else, they didn't want to see him in that condition, prefering to remember the man that rolled around on the floor with them, but their father insisted they go.
My ex-husband's mother was a bit mean, so the girls always stuck with grampa on visits. My oldest daughter didn't quite get the "grandpa, grandma" distinction when she was little, so whenever we mentioned them, she always called them "grampa, grampa".
The Evo Child and Spawn of Evo will be flying up there tomorrow to attend the funeral. I know they are both very sad.
I will be thinking fondly of the man I called "dad" for so many years. I never really had a chance to get to know my own father before he died.
I am glad that for several years when the girls were little that we lived in New York within about a 1 hour drive to Vermont where he and my mother-in-law lived. (The Evo Child was born in New York)
Unfortunately, for a number of years, he's had alzheimer's to the point that he no longer knew who he was and recognized no one. I think the girls would have prefered to remember him as he was and not have been made to visit him when he no longer knew who they were and wouldn't even talk to them. The visits seemed to have upset them, more than anything else, they didn't want to see him in that condition, prefering to remember the man that rolled around on the floor with them, but their father insisted they go.
My ex-husband's mother was a bit mean, so the girls always stuck with grampa on visits. My oldest daughter didn't quite get the "grandpa, grandma" distinction when she was little, so whenever we mentioned them, she always called them "grampa, grampa".
The Evo Child and Spawn of Evo will be flying up there tomorrow to attend the funeral. I know they are both very sad.
I will be thinking fondly of the man I called "dad" for so many years. I never really had a chance to get to know my own father before he died.
Total Comments 9
Comments
-
That's sad, Evo, my sympathy,Posted Jan19-09 at 05:46 PM by Andre 
-
Thanks Andre.Posted Jan19-09 at 05:50 PM by Evo
-
Sorry to hear Evo!!Posted Jan19-09 at 06:00 PM by Greg Bernhardt 
-
Sorry to hear this.Posted Jan20-09 at 04:58 PM by Redbelly98
-
Thanks guys.
The Evo Child called me from Vermont tonight, apparently this is getting to her already. She called me a bit ago, upset I hadn't called. Well, she was at my house this morning before leaving for the airport and I wasn't sure if she would be with grieving relatives after she got there, so I figured she'd call if she wasn't busy. I *did* say "call me" after you get there to let me know how you are.
So, tomorrow I will call her and then she will act exasperated that mom is calling. At least she will know I haven't forgotten her.
Posted Jan20-09 at 09:03 PM by Evo
-
I'm sorry to hear your bad news, Evo. It certainly is difficult visiting someone with Alzheimers, but when my grandfather was ill I felt it right to visit, just in case he did remember me, so that there was a chance he wasn't surrounded my strange faces for the last months of his life. In fact, although he didn't recognise me most of the time, I remember the very last time I saw him. On leaving, he made a special effort to shake my hand, look me in the eye and say goodbye. To this day, I'm sure that he knew who I was, and in some sense that that would be the last time we'd see each other.
I guess my point is that whilst visiting someone in that condition is never an enjoyable experience, one can gain something from it. Your girls can look back in years to come and see that they supported him in his time of need.
Again, I'm sorry for your loss.Posted Jan24-09 at 06:13 PM by cristo
-
IRT the religion thread, Thanks Evo, it was just a query and I hope you wont take any offence. I agree it should of been closed and was just wondering why exactly.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
And your pm box is full.Posted Feb7-09 at 01:24 PM by The Dagda
-
I am new here, Evo, and will ask you forgive me if I presume too much to extend my condolences. My Mother has Alzheimers & is in a nursing home specializing in Alzeimer's care down in Texas. I have not seen her since she began to "forget" who I was ... I was the "favorite" of 8 children & she home-schooled me from a very early age to the point I was able to begin advanced classes when I started 1st Grade & finished High School by the time I was 15yrs old. To me, I wanted to always remember the intelligent & inquisitive Woman who had me reading books like "A Tale of Two Cities" and "Mark Twain" by the time I celibrated my 5th birthday ... not the one with the far-away look in her eye who didn't remember her favorite son. What Cristo said is very thought provoking ... I may go to Texas soon? What I wanted to say though , is that I empathize with you and your have my total support though it be from a stranger many miles away.
Peace fill your heart & the Light lift you to greater strength.Posted Apr2-09 at 04:32 AM by logandiez
-
My coping with the deaths of my parents from dementia (as you may have read before, Evo) is to volunteer at a mostly Medicare-bed nursing home. Yes, I am there for only two hours per week, but since long ago getting over the occasional smell or odd behavior, I still notice how grateful the residents and staff are to me. Small kindnesses are magnified multifold there. I never thought playing BINGO and singing with my friends could be so rewarding! Such an experience (15 years and counting) takes most fear out of dying.
Please allow me to offer my condolences over the death of your loved one.Posted Jan4-10 at 07:54 PM by Loren Booda
